6 Socially Acceptable Things in Japan That Might Horrify Most Americans
Ever wanted to see how people really live life in Japan? Get ready for some surprises!
When I first arrived in Japan in 2005, I could barely say ‘konnichiwa’. So just imagine the shock on my very first night when I chowed down on some rather pink meat at a little bar only to find out it was raw horse. Raw horse! When the lovely old man who bought it for me went to the toilet, I quickly wrapped it up in a tissue and shoved it in my jacket pocket.
Welcome to Japan, Iain!
So now here we are seeing the world opening up to travel again, you might be thinking of taking that trip to Japan you’ve always dreamed about. Be prepared though, coz it ain’t all green tea and geisha girls.
Here, we’ll explore 6 socially acceptable things in Japan that might horrify many Americans. And Westerners for that matter.
1. Mothers Sleeping in the Same Bed as Kids. Without Husband. Sometimes Up Until 12 Years Old!
I know this one only too well. After my wife gave birth to our first daughter, we didn’t sleep in the same bed for four years! Japan doesn’t do cots — it’s kids and mum on the futon together. Deal with it dad. Alone. It’s a miracle we made a second child…
2. Public Nudity
Ahh yes, there’s nothing like playing 18 holes of golf with your father-in-law then getting your gear off together and walking around a public onsen (hot spring) with your steamy tallywackers swinging ‘tween your legs. Beside 20 other men. As long as you’ve got your little white towel on your head to wipe the sweat from your brow, it’s all good, apparently. Don’t mind the sweat, what about the sea of strangers’ slugs staring at me? You’re sure not sporting a stainless steel samurai sword by the end of these steamy encounters…
Par for the course in Japan, but I’d happily take a triple bogey on this one.
3. Wild, Verdant Pubic Hair
It’s bad enough that your wife’s father sees you at your worst, most vulnerable time. But then you have to deal with a bunch of men who look like they’ve smuggled a fluffy black cat inside their pants. Or stolen Santa Claus’ beard and hidden it down there. Manscaping be damned, this is all about reforestation and wild growth.
Just a little clip here and there and you could probably make wigs for half the world’s follically-challenged! My wife assures me that the female onsens are no different…
4. Grown Men and Women Obsessed With Disney Characters
I’m not talking casual fans or followers who might have a little Mickey Mouse accessory dangling from the mirror in their cars. Nor am I talking about “adults” barely into their 20s. I’m talking about grown men and women up in their 50s who adorn their entire cars, homes, wardrobes, jewelry boxes, and bento lunch boxes with Donald Duck paraphernalia. Or for the really kooky among them, Goofy gear. And no-one bats an eyelid!
It freaks me out when a grandmotherly woman dressed as Minnie Mouse down at the beach smiles at my daughter. Then pulls out Disney floaties to go swimming in.
5. Hostess Clubs
In Japanese, these are called ‘Cabaret Clubs’, but in everyday vernacular it’s shortened to ‘kabakura’. There are hundreds of these clubs in every big and small city and as you drive into town your eyes are besieged by giant advertising billboards by the side of the road encouraging salarymen and/or husbands to go buy wildly overpriced drinks so they can flirt with young girls caked with layers of goop all over their faces.
Much like a Clayton’s drink was once advertised as the drink to have when you’re not having a drink, these clubs are where guys go to cheat when they’re going somewhere not to cheat.
A married man’s rocky relationships with ‘kabakura’ are half the reason Japanese wives take all the husband’s money each payday and in return give them a meagre stipend to exist on each month. If their wives didn’t police the finances, these men would blow all their money faster than a scantily clad girl could giggle at their horrible dad jokes. Then ask for another Scotch.
6. Bad Teeth
Terrible teeth. Bad, horrible, crooked, scrambled teeth. Honestly, I just don’t understand it, even after 18 years here in Japan. Japanese people, especially women, take so much care in their personal appearance. Immaculate skin, hair, makeup, diet…yet when it comes to teeth they just ignore them. It’s a free for all.
One pointing to 3 o’clock, another one to 9 o’clock, another growing on top of another on top of another. It ain’t pretty. Not the hygiene; they brush and floss and gargle religiously. Just the shape.
The irony is that most TV stars or news presenters these days all have beautiful, straight white teeth……in fairness, I am seeing more and more young kids with braces so we might be in the midst of some slow change progress. Let’s hope so!
Summing Up
Japan is an incredible place. Of course it is, I’ve been here 18 years and got permanent residency, my wife’s Japanese, my girls have Japanese passports, and I plan to see out my days here. I love it. That doesn’t mean that everything’s perfect and there aren’t just a few wacky things here and there.
Every country has its oddities and this is just a small list of socially acceptable things in Japan that many Americans and Westerners might find rather horrifying.
I certainly know that if I came home with my pocket stuffed full of business cards from ‘kabakura’ girls after a night out on the razz, my wife might ban me from sleeping with my Mickey Mouse doll for a month!
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Here’s another story about why my younger Japanese wife hasn’t slept with me in 7 years
How does a Japanese father respond when his daughter wants to marry a much older Western man? Read this to find out.
If you’d like to read about my wife’s attitude to the size debate, read this.
