6 Simple Steps to Stand Up for Yourself and Heal From a Toxic Relationship
In a society that benefits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act. — Unknown.
‘I can’t love you anymore, till you change yourself.’ — is a commonly used subtle threatening statement.
Love is a beautiful thing. People transform when they experience true love. But in the name of love, people try to manipulate others for selfish reasons.
The truth is, love demands no change. Trying to change others arises from insecurity and fear. It also shows disrespect for their individuality. If someone is hinting you to change for them, it is not love but a trap, a power politics.
Ego dissolves in love, and you bend. There is nothing wrong with it until the other takes advantage of your emotions. Over time, you may become emotionally dependent, while others take undue benefit of your vulnerability.
A long, toxic relationship makes things hazy. Lack of clarity sucks you into the wormhole of uncertainties. You lose yourself and doubt your truth.
Adjustment and compromises all go in vain if the person is not thinking about you at all. Keeping yourself as a priority is not selfish but the first step towards self-love.
1. Take a Break to Detach Yourself From Emotionally Sucking Situations
“Noone sees how much I have compromised. I’ve done enough; I can’t stretch myself. I have changed myself so much; even I don’t recognize who I am anymore.”
Getting trapped in a toxic situation drains your energies. It blurs your thinking process. Self-depreciation and doubt erode your worthiness. A dormant volcano inside you may burst with a drop of seeming innocent thing.
Whenever situations become worse, take a break. Leave your current environment to detach yourself from the whirlpool of emotions. Decide nothing in the moment of heat. Any decisions in haste invariably backfire.
Analyze what you want in life. It is not selfish but self-love and self priority. Take all the time you need. Do not hurry if the answer does not come immediately.
When the other knows your dependency on them, it gives them control over you. Take back that power. Reclaim yourself. Taking that first step can be difficult. But maintaining a distance will clear your vision and plans.
2. Your Life = Your Responsibility
Expecting others to cater to your need is the most significant blow you can give to your self-esteem. The blame game is a never-ending rolling ball in the different courts.
‘My life is miserable because I don’t have a caring partner. I feel lonely because my friends don’t give me time. My poor decisions come from my parents.’
Never fall into the trap of blame game. Realize a bitter truth that your happiness and sorrow are because of you and not because of anyone. The good news is that if it is because of you, you have the power to shift the tables as well.
Start taking responsibility for your life. You can start with small.
Do something for yourself which you were uncomfortable with before. It can be as simple as shopping for your groceries, mending your clothes, or even talking to customer care/strangers.
Take charge of your life. Stop relying on excuses. Break free from your self-created prison. Your life is precious. Don’t waste it living according to somebody else’s. Everything follows as you remain true to yourself.
The ball is always in your court.
3. Beware of False-Positive Talks
“Maybe it will settle down once I compromise. Maybe time will give me an answer. Maybe what is happening is right. My situation will get better if I remain more positive.”
Positivity is a fad word in today’s world. But its dose can be toxic if you suppress your real feelings under the false mask. Stay away from it till you figure out what is exactly happening to you.
Feeling angry is not what anyone wants. But masking it with positivity is not the solution. Be authentic to your boiling emotions. It does not mean that you pour out on others. But remaining authentic helps you find what is right or wrong for you.
Be true to yourself. It will uncover some great mysteries.
4. Have the Strength to Put Your Foot Down
Maintaining boundaries is another healthy step towards your mental health. It protects you from overwhelming situations. Be assertive when the need arises.
Never be afraid to voice your opinions. Be open to suggestions. But firmly stand on your point when you truly believe in it. Staying quiet can never communicate your thoughts. Instead, it will build a volcano that can burst anytime.
Nobody can take a stance for you if you can not stand for yourself. But once you decide what you truly want, stay true to it. Stick to your plans.
Slipping from your stance shows your disrespect towards your decisions. When you disrespect your life, you send a strong signal to the other to do the same.
5. Communicate More With Actions Than Words
Scientific studies emphasize the importance of non-verbal communication. 93% of communication happens non verbally. Facial expression and voice make a majority. Use it to your advantage when repeated lines fail to work their magic. Let your actions communicate louder and more apparent.
‘I am fed up with your things lying everywhere. Could you not stop fighting with me over minor issues? Stop accusing me of an affair. I was busy with my work and kid.’
Stop giving explanations and stand in your truth. Concentrate on your actions communicating louder than words. When you keep yourself a priority, you start to act accordingly. Then proving yourself becomes rudimentary.
The most important thing is that you believe in yourself.
6. Stop Being a Beggar and Rely on Yourself Instead
Emotional dependency is a giant trap in the name of love. You can not function in their absence.
Your need becomes your slavery.
Build your support system. Surround yourself with family, friends, and dear ones who stand for you. Expand your social circle. Interact with the outside world. It expands your mind.
Work towards your emotional and financial freedom. Nobody can make you feel otherwise when you are delighted within yourself. You can then easily open your heart and provide for others unconditionally.
Ignite your hidden passion. Take a step towards your freedom. Only a happy person can distribute joy. Promise yourself to become that cheerful one. Explore your possibilities. Expand your individuality.
Then your needs/demands from any relationship drop. This is the ideal state where you attract perfect relationships.
7. Seek Professional Help When Required
A long-standing behavior becomes an unconscious habit. When you keep yourself on the back seat for long, you forget how it feels to be on the front seat.
Never take your mental health for granted. Always be ready to take external help when you are confused. A neutral, undetached, fresh, and professional view always helps.
Never second guess your gut feeling. Involve external help whenever you feel stuck and helpless. Don’t deny yourself from seeking legal advice if you are in immediate threat or mishandled.
Takeaways
Everyone faces doubt and uncertainties. To overcome them, always keep on exploring your authentic self. Answers to your struggle don’t lie outside. They are within you. Stop getting exploited in a relationship.
Take a break. See things from a distance and analyze what you truly want. Stop being dependent on others for your needs. Be financially and emotionally free. Seek help when you feel helpless, either professionally or with friends and family.
Be clear in your vision for yourself. Be committed to finding the power and stay true to yourself. Because until you rediscover yourself, it is too challenging to take a stand for yourself.
Your heart is beautiful. Stop hiding your lovely real self. Like your loved one, you also deserve a life full of love, peace, and joy. The key is to unlock the secret from within. Happiness is not hidden in others. It always lies within you. Shine your authentic being and radiate the joy you are.
