4 Practical Ways to Handle Your Emotional Outbursts

Your responses reflect your internal state. Understanding what’s going on inside is the key to being more in control of your emotions.

We justify our anger, and we judge others for the same.

The underlying emotional surge is the same. But anger blocks our rational mind.

We all regret our sudden emotional explosions. Often we look back and wonder what we could have said or done something else. In hindsight, it doesn’t matter whether others provoke us. We are almost always guilty.

Last week, our full-time employee retracted back to working half a day because of some misunderstanding at her home. Today she asked for my advice on her broken tooth. It was her carious wisdom tooth that cracked while chewing.

During our conversation, my friend innocently joked, “That is why you have left your full-time job because your wisdom is not working.”

We all laughed together.

After some time, I realized we say things we don’t mean in the literal sense most of the time. It is sometimes a conversation filler or to make a situation light-hearted.

But many people take things in a literal sense and overreact.

Research has established that your brain’s reaction depends on your mindset. With a positive outlook, you ignore unnecessary mental tensions and focus on solutions. Whereas with a negative attitude, one can find blunders even in innocent conversations.

“It is not the stress that kills us. It is our reaction to it.” — Dr. Hans Selye, Father of Stress Theory.

You don’t have to scream whenever someone overtakes in the heavy traffic or be an overbearing parent when kids don’t listen. There is always another option for reacting aggressively.

I grew up watching my father in a hyperreactive state. His rage would erupt in an instant. We never knew what would provoke him. It always seemed to walk on the brim of a volcano.

Recently, when he yelled something, I asked him to say the same thing calmly. Surprisingly, he could do that.

You can convey your feelings peacefully too. Screaming blocks the mind, and anger consumes you even before you could say something.

Howling at innocuous things leads to the destruction of relationships. Being in a constant state of hyperexcitability can cause anger, frustration, a sense of losing control. In the long run, it can lead to feeling powerless and depressed.

Are You Overreacting?

Sometimes, we don't even know when we overreact. It comes out instinctively, with no preparedness. Here are some pointers serving as a guide whether your reactions are exaggerated:

• Do you pause before answering or lash out quickly?
• Do you have any feelings of regret? If yes, then how often? When was the last time you regret saying or doing something?
• How often are you upset with others? How often are others upset with you?
• Can your near ones open their hearts with you with no fear of repercussions?
• Are you taken aback by your reactions?

Take a pause and reflect on the answers.

Lashing out and a feeling of regret show an impulsive nature. It is crucial for you to be heard, and when others don’t listen, you jump into assertiveness, leading to aggressive behavior.

Voicing one’s opinion is good, but making assumptions and acting on it is a sure disaster recipe for any relationship.

But the good news is that just like any other trained muscle, you can un-train your overreactions.

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment. — Lao Tzu.

#1. Don’t Ignore the Basics

Today’s world is much competitive than ever before. Running behind schedules and timelines is a new normal. While struggling to meet deadlines, physical health takes a backseat.

Sleep deprivation and excess usage of electronics create an energetic dis-balance. The tired body contributes to a low threshold of tolerance and irritable behavior. Grounding this dis-balance is vital for the overall well-being of the mind and body.

Nature is the best detox for humans.

A walk in nature is enough to reduce stress, cleanse heavy emotions, and restore your well-being.

Book a date with nature that you look forward to every morning and evening. Feel the oneness. After all, you are also part of it. Let nature show its miracle in rejuvenating you.

Maintain a proper sleep cycle and stick to it.

Disturbance of the circadian rhythm (body’s internal clock) is unhealthy in the long run. Studies have shown that disturbed circadian rhythm can lead to diabetes and can also cause neurodegenerative disorders and increase aging speed.

Professional deadlines are essential but don’t become a slave of your profession. Maintaining the body’s circadian rhythm is critical for your physical and mental health.

Physical and mental relaxation is your responsibility. Don’t neglect your needs.

Take regular breaks from the gadgets.

Scientific study reveals that increased screen time has a deleterious effect on physical and psychological well-being.

As much as these gadgets have become necessary, it has become even more important to keep them away for specific periods.

Keep the phone, laptops, Ipads away 45 minutes before going to bed.

Use that sacred time in solitude. Engage in your passion or any creative activity. If possible, replenish yourself with meditation.

Move the body — Dance, Yoga, or Exercise.

We all are aware of how valuable exercise or yoga is for our health. But do you know it releases your stagnant energy?

The residual energy of anger and frustrations forms knots in the energetic body. Dancing, yoga, or exercise help dissolve those knots. Along with health, they increase your focus and improve the quality of sleep.

The body also releases endorphins (feel-good hormones) when you move the body. When the body is cheerful, there remains no space for your negative outbursts.

#2. Identify Your Triggers and Patterns

Dr. Judith. Seigel, a Retired Professor of Social Work at NYU, has identified four significant triggers of emotional overreaction — Envy, Rejection, Criticism, and Control. Identifying the trigger help handle your unwarranted and exaggerated responses in a better way.

While doing my post-graduation, I juggled with seminars, library dissertations, simultaneously working on my thesis, and teaching undergraduate students. It was too much for me.

The criticism from seniors and staff snapped me many times. Though I’d not express it explicitly, I felt immense pressure. I knew my peace was disturbed.

Once I recognized my patterns, I worked on myself. Sometimes, the fear of getting triggered held me in its clutches. But transparent and authentic truthfulness with myself helped me a lot. I did not sugar-coat it while dealing with it.

When I accepted my frustration and anger, I knew when I had to back down my responses. Peace prevailed.

Recognize your triggers and patterns

Fear is the fundamental emotion that triggers most of us. Insecurity, attachment, jealousy, comparison, criticism are all branches of fear. Recognize the root cause of your fear.

Daily journaling reveals your deeper raw emotions. It helps in reducing stress and anxiety. You can evaluate where you overreacted and what you could have avoided.

Also, we all are juggling many responsibilities. Be it as a parent, spouse, employee, friends, etc. One role's frustration can easily seep into another one, creating confusion for yourself and near ones too.

The origin of frustration helps you to check the exaggerated response accurately.

Name your feeling as specific as you can.

Is it anger? Or is it fear that has transformed into anger? Is it an abandonment issue that has led to insecurity? Is it any expectation that has transformed into frustration? Here is the interactive guide to categorize your emotions specifically.

During brainstorming, be utterly authentic to yourself. Don’t lay your responsibility on another person. Instead, watch your inside feelings and reactions.

When you identify the real culprit, you stop beating around the bush. You are then ready to take the bull with the horn.

Don’t feel shame in accepting your jealousy, insecurity, or guilt. It is okay. We all feel these emotions at one point or another. The point is to accept them in all their totality and be free from them.

Realizing the deep emotions working behind the scenes of your actions benefits you in inner growth. Truthfulness supports in creating a road map for your freedom to choose to respond calmly.

#3. Be Aware of Body Signals — They Say a Lot.

Much before you lambast, the body gives a signal when you become agitated.

Hot cheeks, elevated heartbeat, shallow breathing, and tension in neck and jaw muscles happen.

Be attentive to the body signals and know that energetic disruption in your system has started — this is the time to center yourself. Avoid any further discussions.

Be calm by taking a few deep breaths. If you feel overwhelmed, take some time to respond. Excuse yourself from the situation.

Creating some distance helps in analyzing your actions and responses. It is always better to respond when the mind is at peace and not disturbed.

#4. Give Others the Benefit of The doubt

When the question is about your mental health, it is imperative to take a step back and let others win sometimes. You don’t need to take part in every silly argument or little detail.

If others didn’t respond well to you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are having a bad day themselves. The way others react tells you about them, not about you.

See a bigger picture. Nobody literally means what they say. Be compassionate to others. Be merciful to yourself. It is okay to let things go—no need to waste your energy on trivial things.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. — Dalai Lama

Takeaways:

Sweating on minor issues may indicate a deeper unresolved issue. Look closely at what is bothering you. A situation may act as a trigger, but the response always reflects your internal state.

Be aware of your triggers and patterns. Understand your reactions and genuine feelings. Listen to your body signals and lead a healthy life by maintaining a good lifestyle.

Stop taking everything seriously. Be like a child; enjoy the present moment. Don’t forget to be compassionate.

By taking responsibility for how you choose to respond to anything or anyone, you are aligning yourself with the beautiful dance of life. — Wayne Dyer