Motherhood

What Kind Of Mother Are You?

5 types of mothers that we all know.

I am a proud stepmother. I enjoy every minute of being a stepmother to my stepchild. It’s a role that I didn’t want at first but it turned out to be the role that I needed the most to grow into the person that I am today.

I am not rushing yet to have children of my own even though the majority of my female friends have kids. I like to observe them, learn from them and note down behaviours that I wish to avoid when my “time” comes.

“Your world changes once you become a mother” — people say.

I disagree. I believe the world stays the same, it’s you who perhaps changes. Sometimes the changes can be good, sometimes bad.

Many of my friends and even my sisters have become people that I don’t recognize anymore. Why? I am not sure. When?

When they became mothers.

My mother that I knew was a woman who lived in fear. I’ve known a woman who feared heights. A woman who never drove a car. A woman who found faults in everyone, as no one was ever good enough.

But that was the memories I’ve had of her — before me, she was someone else.

Ask yourself — who have you become? If you are unsure, check the five 5 types of mothers that I know and perhaps you will recognize yourself. Here they are:

“Know-it-all” Mom

My childhood friend is a “know-it-all” mom. She wasn’t always a “know-it-all”, she was actually slacking in school and used to copy assignments from me. She had her first son in her early twenties and she changed.

She knows everything about “motherhood” — the recommended amount of sleep, food, the right meds, parenting approach, what colours of clothes to pick to improve the child's mood etc.

It takes her to look at her or someone else’s child to access if that kid will become famous or have drug issues.

Look, she has a lot of knowledge, she read hundreds of parenting books and I am sure that she writes her own book now — but she is annoying too. She is not a doctor, nor a psychologist and to be honest she is a first-time mum who does know a lot — but not everything.

She is quite often on edge and suffers from panic attacks and anxiety a lot. I haven’t seen her in 4 years now — she has no time for anybody else than her child. The last time we had a coffee, her son coughed and she excused herself that they are in need to urgently go home as he may “develop allergies”. I haven’t seen her since.

“I Gave You All” Mom

This type of mother is too common. This was my mother — she put herself last in all respects of her life and years later blamed me and my sisters and even my dad for not doing things differently.

My sister is like that as well, her son has to be “perfect” — he has always dressed adorably, whenever he needs her she is there for him, she lets him sleep with her in the bed even though he is 10. I worry about what will happen when he grows up and has girlfriends, I ask myself:

“Will any of these girlfriends be good enough for her?”

I doubt it.

This type of mum usually cuts everyone from their life and devotes her whole life to the child but secretly she becomes angered and resentful. Years go by and children grow up and then she wakes up and realizes that she could have been the same devoted mother but didn’t have to go to such extremes.

I call them extremes mothers, they are usually very insecure inside and they are trying to prove themselves that they are good enough so they go over the top.

She is never available for mom’s night out, though, because she doesn’t feel right asking anyone else to watch the baby.

“I Am Not A Mom” Mom

These mothers are quite rare, but I still know of them. My grandma was that type of a mother. She went on vacation without her children, she travelled a lot for work back in the 1960s, she did horse riding and she spent a lot of date nights with her husband. See, their relationship came first — children second.

She was always there for her kids — she gave my mother great education, experiences and bought her a flat, she just never sacrificed her lifestyle for my mom. My mom did the exact opposite.

These types of women don't feel guilty when they are putting their wellbeing as a priority but they still manage to have a good relationship with them — she loves them.

She doesn’t slavishly serve every child needs and some may perceive that she isn’t a mum at all, as she is not fully committed. I would say, that other mothers just envy these types of women because they “don’t give a damn” what others think. They do what's best for them and therefore it would be best for their own kids.

“The Malicious” Mom

You don’t want to have or be a malicious mother. They destroy children childhoods and lives.

But they exist too — they compete with their children, they are often divorced/ separated from their partners, they are angry that they are left with children alone. Even though the ex is still present they consider themselves “abandoned”. They use manipulative techniques to make children do as they please. They often tell them things like:

“If you loved your mum, you would listen to me” or “You are mean to me just like your father was” and “One day you will kill me”.

These mothers can suffer from serious mental health issues and many of them exhibit narcissistic traits.

Please don’t be this type of person.

And then there is the “Mom” = which at times can feel and act as the mother types described above but always forgives herself when makes a mistake, moves one and finds the will to be the best version she can be. One day at a time.

You can’t always do everything right, look your best, smile when you feel like crying, had a clean house and amazingly behaved kids — and not being perfect is OKAY, it’s normal and it’s how you should be. You should be your true self.

We are all a combination of these mom types, aren’t we? Hopefully, we aren’t malicious though and when I grow up and have children of my own I would like to have more of the “I Am Not A Mom” mom-type in myself — like my grandma did but at the same time at the time I am my mom’s daughter so I might a tendency to over sacrifice and that’s okay too.

As long as I stay true to myself — my children will be okay.

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