5 things I’ve learned from my unborn son

I’m 31 weeks pregnant with my baby boy and although I haven’t met him, looked him in the eyes, or held him in my arms yet- he has already taught me a great deal.

There are some things in life that you can be certain of. Like death and taxes. And yes, while that’s very true, I think we can also add in that we can be certain that parenthood is going to change you. Potentially in ways you never even knew were possible before.

In reflecting on these last almost 8 months, I’ve created a list of top 5 things my baby boy has taught me about life, love, happiness and faith all before making his big debut. What a special little guy he is already.

Your body is amazing.

I’ve been honest about the struggles I’ve had in the past. And I have to admit a small part of me was worried that those awful feelings would resurface as my belly grew. But I did not expect to live in absolute awe of my body every day while pregnant.

In awe of your body?? How vain! But let me explain. Week by week, I learned what my body was doing to grow another human life. The amazingly mind-blowing things that are happening all without me consciously thinking about it. I am constantly growing and supplying just the right things at the right time to support a human life. A whole separate person- and I am everything that they need right now to live. That is some superhero, bad ass, powerful stuff when you really sit down and think about it. And admittedly, I never really sat down and thought about it until now.

In all of this, I have uncovered a brand new love for my body. I think all women should. I was never expecting that by loving someone I never met so wholeheartedly that I would unlock this appreciation, gratitude and love of myself. I waited a long time to like my body. And when I finally did, I was truly content. And then my baby boy, without even showing his face, gifted me a whole new reason to like the skin I’m in.

You can grieve while growing, and that’s okay.

As I’m rejoicing the growth of this little life inside of me, I’m grieving the end of a chapter. This hit me early in pregnancy and something that I’ve been grappling with ever since.

See- I’ve worked so hard to build the life that I have now. I truly believe I have made young Alexa so, so proud.

I’ve always realized that there will be several versions of me over the years. And these different versions of me will require different things of me. But man, reality sets in when you realize you’re turning the last page on a chapter that you love so much. When I first realized I was grieving, I felt so ashamed. How can I be sad when I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life? But after thinking about it a little more, I realized something- it’s okay. It can be incredibly bittersweet turning that page.

It’s unrealistic to think that you just go through life flipping pages, going through chapters. It’s unrealistic to think that two very extreme emotions can’t coexist.

Yes- I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Everything about this feels right.

And yes- I’ve worked so hard to be the 29-year-old Alexa that looks back at me in the mirror. She is all the things I’ve ever wanted for her. I love her dearly.

I know this next chapter will probably be my favorite one. But that doesn’t mean this chapter I’m about to close was all for naught.

I can grow, and I can grieve. And doing and feeling both at the same time is okay.

Your priorities will become clearer.

This one stems from my previous point. In the growing and changing, things become very clear. And I think that maybe that’s why my type A, naturally anxious self is oddly calm like I’ve shared before. My priorities have really taken shape over these last several months. And part of me expected that. Like I said, I knew that each new version of me, after starting a new chapter, will require different things of me. And that I’ll constantly be evolving as a person. But it’s one thing to say that to yourself, even expect it, and a completely different thing to actually experience it.

I have a much clearer sense of the mom I want to be than I ever expected at 31 weeks pregnant. And I’m not talking super specific like “oh I’m going to be the mom that does X and NEVER does Y” but like more foundational, to the core “who am I” kind of big picture stuff. That clarity is so moving.

I’ve never even looked him in the eye, and he’s already giving me a greater sense of self.

Your faith will become stronger.

Faith and religion are super touchy topics. But I also work in politics/public policy- so hey why not dive in?!

For me, I can say my faith has become stronger. I’m not, nor have I ever been, a preachy, in-your-face kind of religious person. Like my quiet leadership style, I prefer to be what I refer to as a “quiet Catholic”. I let my actions speak for themselves always. I don’t intend to change that. But I have found a much deeper, internal connection than I have ever experienced.

For example, I’ve always been the praying type. I’ve prayed for my husband a lot over the decade plus we’ve been together (much of which has been without his knowledge). And that was always coming from a place of unconditional love that I have for my husband. But the unconditional love I have, my husband and I both have, for this little person- unmatched. And it’s led to more frequent conversations with the big man upstairs.

My perfect gift from God has brought me closer to Him.

You are clueless, and that’s alright.

This one is probably my favorite! I am 100% woman enough to admit when I’m clueless. And let me tell you- I haven’t gotten a clue what’s actually in store for me, my husband and my son.

Yes I can have all these deep, philosophical thoughts and ideas about who I want to be as a mom, and the realization that my unborn son has strengthen my faith and given me a whole new purpose. All of it is 100% true. But I’m also a realist through and through- and I’m walking into what will be my biggest responsibility that I’ve chosen- to raise a human- and there’s so much I don’t know. I don’t know what I don’t know!

I can do all the prep I want. I can read all the mommy blogs, I can do all the classes, I can ask my doctor a million questions- but at the end of the day I am clueless on this whole parenting thing. Because I’ve never done it- duh!

And you know what- I’m okay with being and feeling clueless. I know I will figure it out. I know it will be the hardest thing and the most mentally and emotionally exhausting thing I’ll ever endure. But I will figure it out. My husband and I will figure it out together. So I’m okay with recognizing and embracing that I am clueless. I don’t have to have all the answers right now.

At the end of the day, I know that my son will have two parents who are there for him. He will have security and safety and unconditional love always. He will never have to second guess that. And that alone brings me and my clueless self some peace.

In 31 weeks, this little boy has taught me some pretty big stuff. One little life having a not-so-little impact. And folks, I promise you he’s just getting started.