Making Your Younger Self Proud

Core memories in early childhood shape a child’s mind and present in how they interpret life, react in situations, and relate to others. These core memories ultimately have a lasting effect and determine that individual’s lifetime trajectory. So, this is my story.

I was fortunate to grow up a wonderful, all-American lifestyle just outside of Pittsburgh, PA. My mother was a school teacher, my biological father a blue-collar construction worker. We built a home minutes from my grandparent’s house on an acre of land; our family’s name etched in the concrete. Family was the most important, as is usual in a family with Italian roots. I was a good student, good athlete, good daughter and sister. I am very fortunate.

My childhood was happy. My little brother, two years younger, was and still is one of my best friends. My mother was and still is a courageous and fearless super mom. My biological father was and still is my very worst heartbreak.

Growing up, I was very much a daddy’s girl. I was his favorite- and it was well known. I was his favorite- until I wasn’t. And for reasons that I will never fully comprehend, my 12 year-old self had to learn the hard way that sometimes love, even a parent’s love, can be conditional.

I won’t get into specifics, because quite frankly it’s still too painful all these years later, but at 12 years-old I started to carry the burden of being my biological father’s verbal, mental, and emotional punching bag. This type of abuse at that young age was exhausting and confusing. But I endured it because when I was around, my little brother was shieled from the brunt of the blows. Those kinds of bruises never really go away, but still to this day I am happy that I stood in the ring in place of my baby brother. And still to this day, I wouldn’t change a thing about how I chose to protect my people.

I vividly remember a day when visiting my biological father in what had to be one of his darkest pits at the time. I had to be 13 or 14 years-old when an exchange with him left me with the most powerful phrase that I’ve encountered.

I thought to myself “I don’t want to be anything like this man.” Which led to “I don’t know much, but I have a feeling that if I live my life the exact opposite of him, I may be okay.”

And so I did. I lived my life doing the exact opposite of what the man who helped create me would do. Any thought, action, opinion he had- I would simply flip. I say simply, but at a young age this took incredible strength and discipline.

On the surface, it may not seem like much to be guided by that simple phrase. However, that mantra led to a domino effect of decisions, new world views, character traits, and lessons that have made me into the person I am today. When faced with any major decision, I think back to my younger years.

What would Young Alexa do? She’s always watching, always listening. Am I making her proud?

Today, at 28 years-old, I have been fortunate to achieve wonderful things. I have learned from some of the best and brightest role models, both professionally and personally. One of my biggest influences has been my step-father. But that’s a story for another day…

Back to the domino effect.

I have the absolute privilege of representing and advocating for small businesses in Michigan at the state and federal level. This line of work has thrown me into wonderful, influential circles and has come with several accolades, including the most recent 40 under 40 business leader list. I have a masters degree from the best university, Michigan State, where I was a high-achieving student. I have married my best friend, an anesthesiologist and US Air Force Captain. My inner-most circle includes my dependable family and fiercely loyal friends. I am happy. I am thriving. Young Alexa was onto something…

See, there’s this idea that you should make your future self proud. But I am a strong believer that the only thing I can hope for at the end of my life, the only thing any of us could ever hope for, is that we have lived a life that would have made our younger selves proud. Young Alexa set a foundation for me so early on, born from incredible heartbreak and pain. I am eternally grateful to her. For her.

She deserves this life she worked so hard to achieve.

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkest. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” -Mary Oliver