5 Reasons Why She’s Not Into You

Dating doesn’t need to be a job, but some thought, care and attention to detail can go a long way

I think we would all like to believe that we are natural born daters. There are those that are, however, for the majority of us, we all need a little help. I have encountered and dated my fair share of men, and though I don’t look for long-term arrangements, I’d like to think my experience has given me wisdom and knowledge on the way of men.

I have dated a plethora of guys who have an adequate sample size to see patterns in behaviour. There have been many people who have ticked my boxes pre-meetup yet I was unable to give a second chance. Though my experiences are singular and personal, I would like to think I picked up some general tips on things people can employ to help improve their chances.

1. You can’t keep up an engaging conversation

There have been times I have been excited, raving to my friends about a particular guy who a few days after I have no interest in because there is no substance to the conversation. As an elder Gen Z, I appreciate a good conversation beyond social media and texting; however, how we interact online for me is very important. I am huge with boundaries and space so I would prefer to be with someone I only see a couple of times a week; therefore, it is essential that we have digital chemistry.

Many men have ticked my boxes, yet things came to a crashing stop due to a lack of engagement. Give me banter and excellent communication any day over most things!

I want to say for those not big into texting this point still matters whether your mode of communication is video chat, phone calls or old fashioned letters, sparks must be lit!

2. You only compliment her looks

I think all people love to be complimented on how they look. Call it shallow, but I spend a lot of time on my appearance, so some recognition of my efforts is terrific. However, the issue comes when that is all you do. I stop feeling like a person and more like a trophy. For many of us, this behaviour rings alarm bells because we want to be appreciated for who we are, not our skin.

Anyone can tell me I have pretty eyes, but in the throes of intimacy and passion, what is it you’ve noticed about me that no one else knows? Please give me a sign that you see through and beyond me. Please show me that I mean more to you than my beauty, because anyone (like my mom) can tell me that. Make yourself essential by bringing forth something unique.

3. You lack passion and drive

This next point is usually why people like to say ‘women only care about money’, but this comment frustrates me. First of all, everybody cares about money. We are currently living in a capitalist dystopia where people are one medical emergency away from bankruptcy and homelessness. I also see the way you salivate and get hard at the mention of Musk, Zuckerberg, Gates and even Bezos, so I know you care about money too.

Just as creatives can’t eat and feed families on exposure, couples can’t do the same on the power of love. Having children and buying houses is expensive. Now, there are women out there who only go for elite billionaires, but seeing as you’re not the target demographic for their con, why do you care?

The majority of women won’t hold a calculator on a date trying to gage your income, but they will want to know that entering a partnership will bring forth opportunities of growth.

You don’t need to live in a mansion, but you do have to have ambition. Have goals, show that you have initiative. No one wants to be with someone who is going to be a liability, unable to pull their weight.

4. You don’t smell nice or dress to impress

If I were to put the two in a hierarchy, I’d place a sense of dress second. There are plenty of people who don’t dress well, but sense of style is subjective and personal. So I think it’s just about finding someone who dresses as you do, e.g. if you go casual to all places, don’t try to get with someone who expects you in a suit.

But smelling good is the golden ticket. Sex toy retailer EdenFantasys asked 2,000 Americans about their biggest turn-ons. When asking about non-sexual turn-ons, 69% of participants said that smelling good was one of them. So you must smell nice. You don’t even need to get an expensive perfume. There are plenty of body sprays and mists that do a good job.

You could undo every box you’ve ticked by not smelling good, so invest in pretty fumes!

5. You don’t listen

As I wrote in a previous piece, all women want, is someone who listens. We want to be able to share both our woes and triumphs. We so desperately want to be seen. Not as the labels society lambasts on us (mother, daughter, sister, whore, spinster) but as us, a multifaceted warrior.

We crave someone who listens for the sake of hearing our thoughts vs someone who listens just to give a retort. We want someone who will be able to recall previous conversations without continuous prompts. We want someone who doesn’t wait to be told what to do every day because they know what needs to be done. We want active listeners, not a brick wall.

Hurriya said it best:

I think it goes beyond listening to understanding. Lots of men dismiss women’s issues (the ones you mentioned) as irrelevant and self-indulgent.

For me, the biggest thing is someone who lets you express your personality and to be who you are. Unfortunately, there are still too many men that engage in conscious or unconscious erasure of their female partners.

If I was to boil this list down and condense it into one sentence, I think it would say— show her that she matters, whether that be by the effort you put into being presentable or how you communicate. Dating doesn’t need to be a job; however, some thought, care and attention to detail can go a long way.

Following these tips is unlikely to make you the pied piper of dating; but, I can assure you, you will be pleased with the results. How do I know? Well as a woman, I’d like to think I have authority on such matters and I also date women, so trust me!

Many of these seem like common sense; however, you’d be surprised how many are missed or neglected altogether. So try them out! I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Want to make sure you never miss a thing? Sign up to receive my sexy newsletter once a week.