5 Ditties About Diddling for National Masturbation Month

Tune in to this one-handed playlist

In the mid-90s, National Masturbation Month was founded by San Francisco-based sex toy company Good Vibrations, which sought to normalize and destigmatize masturbation after Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders was fired for saying it would be a good idea for self-service to be discussed during sex education for teenagers. Since then, every May has been a time when sex educators, like Good Vibrations’ sexologist Dr. Carol Queen, have worked to dispel common masturbation myths and encourage people to embrace self-pleasure.

But let’s face it: Masturbation sells itself, and long before Elders suggested adding it to the sex education curriculum, teens had been figuring it out on their own — in part, thanks to the work of some of their favorite musicians. In honor of National Masturbation Month and the artists who put self-pleasure in song, here is a list of my five favorite ditties about diddling.

“Darling Nikki” — Prince

“I knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say she was a sex fiend I met her in a hotel lobby Masturbating with a magazine She said, ‘How’d you like to waste some time?’ And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind.”

For me, no masturbation song list would be complete without “Darling Nikki,” even though it really doesn’t have anything to do with masturbation other than that infamous line. But Prince introduced the world to Nikki at a time when a young Kiki Wellington was being introduced to adolescence and trying to figure things out — making the Purple Rain soundtrack the perfect exploration of life, love, sex, and relationships. Of course, I had no idea what “masturbating with a magazine” actually meant, which led to a logistical misunderstanding that is amusing to look back at today. And that line does beg the question: What hotel is this and are there any vacancies?

Nikki’s tale of sexual exploration didn’t only get the attention of Prince fans: “Darling Nikki” caught the ear, and then the ire, of Tipper Gore, who discovered her 11-year-old daughter listening to the song and wasn’t at all impressed with Nikki’s prowess. This caused the then-Senator’s wife to form the Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC), which curated a list of songs they felt were the most offensive on the airwaves at the time. “Darling Nikki” was among the PMRC’s “Filthy 15” list for its sexually explicit lyrics and it became a vehicle the group used to help convince record labels to put parental advisory stickers on albums.

“I Touch Myself” — Divinyls

“I don’t want anybody else When I think about you I touch myself.”

This is one of the most blatant masturbation songs I’ve ever heard and when it was released in 1990, it quickly became a drunken sing-along favorite among my friends. Despite not being at all subtle about the subject matter, “I Touch Myself” comes off as more whimsical than sexual as it describes the longing for another person that can lead to naughty thoughts and a much-needed physical release.

But the song has a much different meaning today: Divinyls’ lead singer, Chrissy Amphlett, passed away in 2013 after battling breast cancer, and according to a statement from her family, she hoped the masturbation anthem would be transformed into a reminder about the importance of women touching themselves for the purpose of early breast cancer detection.

“Icicle” — Tori Amos

“And when my hand touches myself I can finally rest my head And when they say take of his body I think I’ll take from mine instead.”

As a minister’s daughter, Tori Amos has regularly explored religious themes in her music, and “Icicle” is no exception as she recounts masturbating in her room while her father delivers a sermon downstairs. Although this theme may sound blasphemous on its face, the elegant song is really a celebration of spiritual discovery as much as physical.

In fact, her minister father approved of his daughter’s musical storytelling, even when it did veer into the sexual. In an interview with Alternative Press Magazine in 1998, he said, “I think she’s the contemporary female Mozart of this century and perhaps the next century, in terms of her genius.”

“Longview” — Green Day

“Bite my lip and close my eyes Take me away to paradise I’m so damn bored, I’m going blind And I smell like sh*t.”

Where other songs on this list are an exploration of sexual desire, “Longview” is a powerful-sounding tune about the pitfalls of ennui that physically manifests itself in perfunctory masturbation meant to pass the time rather than provide a release. It perfectly captures the Generation X slacker stereotype, right down to the parental quip about getting a job, while still having a rhythm that gets you moving.

It also captures what Green Day’s lead singer, Billie Joe Armstrong, was feeling during that time in his life. In an interview with VH1, he explained it this way: “I was just in a creative rut. I was in between houses, sleeping on people’s couches. It’s a song about trying not to feel pathetic and lonely….I was coming from a lonely guy’s perspective: No girlfriend, no life, complete loser.”

“She Bop” — Cyndi Lauper

“Do I wanna go out with a lion’s roar? Yeah, I wanna go south and get me some more Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine They say I better stop or I’ll go blind.”

If you didn’t realize this little bop from Cyndi Lauper was about masturbation, you’re not alone: The girl who just wanted to have fun did this by design, so when the song came out, I assumed it was about dancing — which is exactly what Lauper intended. Since I didn’t get the references in the song — like the old wives’ tale about masturbation causing blindness — the wink and nod clues about its true meaning were pretty lost on me.

But despite Lauper’s attempt at lyrical subterfuge, the PMRC got the masturbatory message loud and clear and made “She Bop” part of its Filthy 15 list — which, for some young people like myself, was the first indication that the song had anything to do with sex. Streisand effect, anyone?

For more songs about masturbation for your…um…listening pleasure, check out this playlist.

More from Kiki Wellington:

Sources:

Alternative Press Magazine — July 1998. The Dent. https://thedent.com/ap0798.html

Brandle, L. (2014, April 14). Chrissy Amphlett’s ‘I Touch Myself’ Reworked for Breast Cancer Campaign. Billboard. https://www.billboard.com/music/music-news/chrissy-amphletts-i-touch-myself-reworked-for-breast-cancer-campaign-watch-6052082/

Chrissy Amphlett dead at 53. Sydney Morning Herald. https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/music/chrissy-amphlett-dead-at-53-20130422-2ia30.html

Grow, K. (2015, September 14). Tipper Gore Reflects on PMRC 30 Years Later. Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/tipper-gore-reflects-on-pmrc-30-years-later-57862/

Grow, K. (2015, September 17). PMRC’s ‘Filthy 15’: Where Are They Now? Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-lists/pmrcs-filthy-15-where-are-they-now-60601/

Longview by Green Day. Songfacts. https://www.songfacts.com/facts/green-day/longview

She Bop by Cyndi Lauper. Songfacts. https://www.songfacts.com/facts/cyndi-lauper/she-bop