5 Condom Capers Gone Wrong

They got busted…and not in the fun way

We all know how condoms protect us, but sometimes condoms need protection from us. Or at least from those of us who think trying to pull off a condom heist is a good idea. However, the long dick of the law usually catches up with these thieves and they end up being featured in articles like this one. Here are five condom heists that ended with a police bust rather than a busted nut.

Playing Favorites

When it comes to condom theft, Shaearion Davis clearly had a brand of choice: Trojan. In fact, she liked those condoms so much that she stole 31 boxes of the brand from a supermarket, totaling $309. But she didn’t like them enough not to try to get rid of them: When she attempted to make an escape as the police came, she quickly discarded her favorite condom brand and made a run for it. But that didn’t protect her and she was arrested in front of the store.

“I was drunk and needed condoms.”

Vacation Protection

When asked by police why he stole condoms, along with a toothbrush and throat lozenges, from a 7-Eleven, the man explained it this way: “I was drunk and needed condoms.” Makes sense. After all, the man was on vacation and met a woman at a bar who agreed to sleep with him. Unfortunately, he lacked the booty call fun pack he needed, so he went to the store and procured it — without paying. Store employees were not at all concerned about his sex appointment, so they chased after him and brought him back to remind him that he needed to pay for his pleasure. Despite coughing up the money, he was still arrested and faced five years in prison.

When the sexy cargo arrived, the container was found empty and the locks had been changed.

Trick, No Treat

When Bryant McCaskill stole $814 worth of condoms, he had a clever cover: He asked a Rite Aid employee if the store carried reusable shopping bags that could be used for Halloween trick-or-treating. Luckily for him, they did, so he stole three of the bags in order to make off with his latex loot. He was considerate enough, however, to leave a condom box trail behind, which helped him get busted when he was identified on the security footage. McCaskill did try to appeal his conviction, but since he had a fool for a client and did the paperwork himself, the court upheld the original decision, calling his attempt to be cleared “rambling and for the most part incoherent.”

Sexy Shipment Snatched

It sounded like a thing of mystery: When the shipment of 725,000 ultra-thin condoms left a port in Malaysia on its way to Japan, it was safe and sound under lock and key. But when the sexy cargo arrived, the container was found empty and the locks had been changed. It was baffling as to what could have happened to the 85,000 boxes of condoms, which were worth $1.5 million. That is until the police got involved and discovered that the theft was actually an inside job, perpetrated by three employees of the transportation company responsible for shipping the condoms.

Erotic Energy

Whether you’re planning on a night of marathon sex, or trying to find horny customers to purchase your prophylactic contraband, you’re going to need some serious stamina. Which is probably why Louis Diana Jr. and his cohorts, Abby Graham and Cody Hassler, attempted to steal energy drinks with their condoms. Unfortunately, they didn’t have enough energy to get away with the bold $370 heist. Diana was apprehended at the store immediately and getaway driver Graham was busted soon after because she hit a parked car while trying to flee the scene. Although the third thief did have more vim and vigor than his friends, Hassler was also caught thanks to numerous tips from the community.

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Sources:

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Court backs man’s conviction for stealing $814 worth of condoms from Rite Aid store. PennLive.com. https://www.pennlive.com/news/2017/06/court_backs_mans_conviction_fo.html

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O’Mahony, P. (2007, January 15). Swede risks five years for Thai condom theft. The Local. https://www.thelocal.se/20070115/6096

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