5 Clear Signs Your Friendship Is Not as Healthy as You’d Like To Think

And what to do.

I never expected my 15 years of bestie to betray me. I knew she was somewhere jealous of me. But announcing my sensitive secret in the hall full of people was out of my imagination.

The news flew to me in no time. The unexpected call caught me off guard.

Tears started to roll down, but with a firm voice, I told my mother, “I’d call you later.”

Within seconds, everything flashed back. The time we spent, the secrets we shared, and the laughter we had.

But it lost all meaning when I realized she had deliberately deceived me. Because her family would give me more importance.

She used my secret as a tool to disgrace me.

Not that I cared about my reputation, but I felt the betrayal and remembered all her little things where she’d lie to me.

This was the peak of my tolerance, and I knew it was time to cut the noose. I could no longer stay. I had to be authentic and compassionate towards me first.

The point is: if you let people use you, they will sacrifice you to save their necks.

Friendships are the backbone of mental health.

Great humans are incredible friends and detoxify you. But selfish people can ruin your mental health, confuse you, and degrade your confidence.

Here are some signs that your friendship is not as healthy as you’d like.

Imbalance in mutual interaction

Friendship is a willful connection with a person to which your heart feels inclined. It never starts as an obligation.

However, with time, it may turn into one.

You may feel overburdened with your friend’s expectations. Whereas the other might be absent or superficially present when you truly need them.

Ask your heart:

• How comfortable do you feel sharing yourself with that person?
• Are you made to feel indebted for their occasional help?

If you hesitate to talk your heart out, friendship is already imbalanced. You may be giving out too much.

Not that it is wrong. It is perfectly okay if you enjoy the company. But watch out if you feel overwhelmed or burdened.

And if you are made to feel indebted often, the balance has already tipped. It is only time that you may realize it is not the best friendship you’d hoped for.

Lack of clarity

Transparency forms a rock-solid foundation in any relationship. It reflects trust and vulnerability.

But some people use confusion as a tactic to attract others. They want a haze of mystery surrounding them to seduce your attention.

It might work for some time. However, people don’t understand that confusion is an axe that snaps the bond if you want a lifelong friendship.

Slowly steer away if you feel confused about your friendship and don’t feel you know enough.

You can ask for clarifications. But if you are left wondering always and don’t get clear answers, back down.

Also, be aware of differentiating confusion from a closed attitude.

Some people don’t want to share much intentionally. It is perfectly okay. It means they are drawing boundaries.

But if someone says one thing and does something else or lies often, it is a clear sign that the friendship is not as rock solid as you’d like.

Creating deliberate confusion means they are trying to manipulate you.

Make you feel guilty.

We all need each other. But relying on one person and expecting them to take our care is ruthless.

If others make you feel guilty for not being present, it may show a lack of respect for you as a person.

The ugly truth is these people constantly need you. They may make you feel special and share intimate details to gain your trust.

Once the trust is built, they feel like they own you. And criticize you at the slightest opportunity.

Asking questions and seeking explanations are some common things through which they try to intimidate you.

“Why you didn’t call me? Where were you when I was going through hell? What? You booked your tickets without telling me?”

These are accusations you might hear often. These are signs that they guilt trip you into setting boundaries.

Craving attention all the time means they don’t value your time and work. It is often a red flag.

They might be selfish and use you to fill their attention-seeking appetite.

Contrary to this, healthy friendships understand your absence. They don’t question, seek explanations or make you feel guilty.

Over time, I’ve seen quality friendships where we pull legs and make fun of absence. There is no liability or pressure. There is complete acceptance and comfort in who we are as individuals.

Make you feel like you should be thankful if they agree to accept your help.

I had a friend in the hostel who’d often ask for things or help. She had four siblings and didn’t have enough money to spend on her.

I’d feel bad for her and would happily oblige. But over time, it felt like she owed my things and took them without asking.

She’d never return. Whenever I’d ask them back, she hissed back, saying, “They must be here, Ruchi. Why are you making such a fuss?”

I’d often blame myself for being a jerk.

But once my roommate pointed out, “Why is she like that? Why doesn’t she respect your things and give them back gracefully? You are also from a middle-class family like her. Don’t you think she is taking advantage of your kindness?”

This got me thinking. I became more careful. But when she’d come back pleading for help, I could not resist. And would later bear my friend’s coldness.

The last nail in the coffin was when someone stole the huge amount of money I had withdrawn for her from the bank. She never cared even to ask and accused me of lying.

The gist is that your hearts may be inclined to kindness and helping.

But if your friend constantly uses you to fulfill their wishes and accuses you somewhere, it is a sign of toxic friendship.

They disregard your genuine help.

These ungrateful people often show apathy and a lack of sensitivity toward your help. They may also make you feel thankful that they accepted your help. Like they are some royal highness.

These expert troublemakers can effortlessly turn the tables and make you feel at fault.

Solving these people or even proving yourself is a waste of time. Better to rescue yourself.

Lack of genuine gratitude

Now my friendships are extraordinary.

We don’t need any explanation. Call randomly to share our hearts or just to giggle. We pull each other legs and make fun at any moment.

Behind all the fun, unconditional love, care, gratitude, and huge respect for each other are clearly visible.

Not that we sing praises or message gratefulness. It just shows in our actions. Our hearts connect deeply beyond words.

We buy stuff for each other, cook each other’s favorite dishes, or even clean dishes or the house without expecting anything.

But when people connect for selfish reasons, they lack genuine gratitude.

Their superiority feeling doesn’t allow them to acknowledge your presence or help. And even if they appreciate you, it is out of their manipulation or benefits their agenda.

Many times they may demand your appreciation for their small acts. This leaves you undervalued and taken for granted.

Always prioritize your mental health.

A friend is a companion. Not a patient to be treated.

I understand it is impractical always to have equality. Some friends might be doing something more for you. Or you might be helping some friends with something.

But if you are often deceived or manipulated, it is time to rethink your priorities.

You should always be your priority. If you are feeling unfulfilled and left drained in a friendship, it is time to reset your boundaries.

After all, a genuine friend is the backbone of your mental health.

And when you stop creating time and space for fake ones, you open doors for new opportunities to walk in.

Until then, be genuine to yourself and your heart. Indulge in activities that expand your heart and love. You might meet someone who is aligned with you really are.

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