The Cause and Signs of a Lost Self: Emptiness, Depression and Codependency

Summary

The provided content discusses the psychological underpinnings of emptiness, its relationship with depression and codependency, and how these states are influenced by early childhood experiences and attachment.

Abstract

The text delves into the concept of psychological emptiness, distinguishing it from existential emptiness by its correlation with depression and shame. It explores how early childhood experiences, particularly the absence of maternal responsiveness, contribute to a sense of emptiness and can lead to the development of a false self and codependency. The article references various psychoanalysts, including Carl Jung, Otto Kernberg, and Donald Winnicott, who have examined the phenomenon of emptiness as a disruption in the self's relationship with itself and others. It suggests that deficits in maternal attunement and dysfunctional parenting can result in a lack of a core self, manifesting in behaviors that seek external validation to fill an internal void. The article also touches on the impact of these deficits on an individual's ability to cope with loss and separation, often leading to chronic depression and a sense of despair described as a "sickness unto death" by existentialists like Kierkegaard.

Opinions

Carl Jung believed that emptiness arises from the structural division within the self and the powerlessness of the ego.
Psychological emptiness is significantly correlated with depression and is deeply related to shame, whereas existential emptiness is more intellectual and spiritual.
Psychoanalysts like Otto Kernberg, Heinz Kohut, and Wilfred Bion considered emptiness a psychological experience, with Bion symbolizing it as "O," representing the matrix of our sense of self.
Karen Horney and Donald Winnicott attributed emptiness to self-alienation originating in childhood, with Winnicott emphasizing the role of inadequate maternal adaptation leading to a false self.
Deficient maternal attunement and dysfunctional parenting are seen as causes of both psychological emptiness and codependency, with codependents struggling to access their innate self.
The existential perspective, as per Kierkegaard, views the loss of self as our deepest despair, often experienced as a vacuum or meaninglessness.
James Masterson's concept of abandonment depression highlights how a lack of nurturing and empathy in childhood can lead to symptoms of depression and emptiness in adulthood.
The capacity to tolerate separations from the mother affects how we experience being alone or significant losses, with early deficits often compounded by later trauma or abandonment.
Codependents, who rely on external objects for self-cohesion, may experience profound depression and emptiness when these external supports are removed.
The article posits that without access to the real self, individuals feel ineffective and hopeless, confirming their belief that they cannot direct their own lives.

The Cause and Signs of a Lost Self: Emptiness, Depression and Codependency

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Carl Jung thought emptiness was a psychological phenomenon, born of the structural division within the self―the powerlessness of our ego to control our mind [12]. Whereas existential emptiness is concerned with our relationship to life, psychological emptiness reflects a troubled relationship with ourselves. Existential emptiness is considered to be more intellectual and spiritual than psychological emptiness [13,14].

The two types may be difficult to distinguish. However, only psychological emptiness is significantly correlated with depression [14] and is deeply related to shame. Depression includes a variety of symptoms, including sadness and crying, anxiety or restlessness, shame and guilt, apathy, fatigue, change in appetite or sleep habits, poor concentration, suicidal thoughts, and feeling empty.

Psychological emptiness may be felt as restlessness, a void, or a hunger that can drive addictive behavior. Feelings of emptiness, deadness, nothingness, meaninglessness, or isolation can color a constant undertone of depression. Alternatively, they may be felt periodically, either vaguely or profoundly. In contrast to existential emptiness, which needs no trigger, these feelings are usually elicited by acute shame or loss. In severe cases, meaninglessness can prevail over any sense of responsibility, sending us into the abyss. Significant childhood trauma can leave a “deep inner hell that often is unspeakable and unnamable” [15].

Many other psychoanalysts, including Otto Kernberg, Heinz Kohut, Donald Winnicott, and Wilfred Bion also believed emptiness was a psychological experience. Bion introduced the symbol “O” to represent emptiness or nothingness, which forms the matrix of our sense of self — the divine ground of being, analogous to sunyata that is sought by meditators and avoided by patients [16]. He posited that for an infant, the absence of a mother’s breast creates a space of “no-thing” and “no breast,” a potentially terrifying experience of loss and confusion [17].

Psychoanalyst Karen Horney considered emptiness to be the result of a neurotic process emanating from self-alienation that starts in childhood [18]. Winnicott added that when a mother doesn’t sufficiently adapt to her infant’s needs and gestures, the infant instead adapts to her, thus constructing a false self. Inadequate mirroring can lead to a “depleted self,” which Kohut referred to as an “empty depression” [19]. The resulting disconnection to the real self creates a feeling of emptiness, of “not really living” or “sleepwalking through life” [20].

Deficient maternal attunement and dysfunctional parenting not only lead to psychological emptiness, but also to codependency — “a disease of the lost self” [21]. Psychological emptiness is common among codependents, which includes addicts and many individuals with mental disorders. Lack of a developed core self is a major issue for codependents. They have difficulty accessing their innate self because their feelings, thinking, and behavior revolve around other people or an addiction. They live externally through the lives of others; whose opinions measure their own worth. This self-alienation derives from lack of awareness and connection to an internal life — their real self. Horney described this as a “paucity of inner experiences, impairing feelings, willing, thinking, wishing, believing” [22].

To the existentialists, a loss of self generates our deepest despair, referred to by Kierkegaard as “sickness unto death,” but it’s a loss that does not clamor or scream [18]. Prolonged self-alienation can be sensed as a vacuum, meaninglessness, nothingness, or apathy. One patient experienced her despair as a “sense of broken reality” caused by the juxtaposition of her hollow, empty persona and the “devouring black hole” of her internal world [15].

The emptiness underlying codependency and addiction is often associated with dysthymia or chronic depression. More severe is abandonment depression, coined by psychiatrist James Masterson, which can result from a childhood devoid of nurturing and empathy and lead to symptoms of depression, emptiness, panic, guilt, rage, and helplessness [23]. The mother may be mentally ill, an addict, and/or codependent herself. Without a soothing and responsive maternal presence, an infant can be terrified by uncomfortable feelings of helplessness, vulnerability, and complete dependency upon adults for survival.

Lack of maternal responsiveness in infancy can contribute to persistent negative affect. When a mother is absent or unresponsive, her baby’s experience of “no-thing” is filled with negative sensory and affective impressions, which if not tolerated, the “no-thingness” can devolve into the disintegrative nothingness of a “black-hole” [24,26].

Ability to bear panic and frustration depend solely upon a baby’s knowledge that his or her mother will return. This allows an infant to think, reflect, and trust her. Ideally, a baby gradually is able to tolerate a mother’s absence, conjure a mental image of her, and regulate internal states and feelings [24].

Developing this capacity to tolerate separations from our mother affects the way we experience being alone or significant losses as an adult. For many people, including codependents, early deficits are often exacerbated by additional trauma, abuse, and physical or emotional abandonment later in childhood and in adult relationships. A poem I penned in early adolescence distilled my alienation and loneliness. It lamented the human condition of wandering the “distances that abandon our hearts to loneliness,” like “two stars, years apart.”

Because codependents depend on external objects for self-cohesion, they often experience depression and emptiness when they stop their addiction, or when a close relationship, however brief, ends. They may say, “He was part of me;” “She was my reason for living;” “Marijuana made me feel normal;” or “Cigarettes were my best friend.” To the extent the other person or drug served self-object functions, the loss can feel as if part of the self is lost, like the world has died, representing a symbolic death of their mother and of their self.

Emptiness and depression are also the consequence of real deficits when we’re unable to be effective agents in our lives. We miss out on joy, contentment, and an ability to manifest our desires. Without access to the energy of our real self, our belief that we can’t direct our lives is confirmed, increasing our hopelessness and depression. We feel things will never change and that no one cares, while longing to be cared for.

This is the third installment of several that examine perspectives on emptiness. Next up is emptiness and shame. Check footnote references and read the entire original article.