Emptiness as Part of Human Existence

Uplifted, I gazed at the expansive Pacific, gleaming beneath a coral and turquoise dusk sky. Golden ripples ebbed and flowed, while seagulls gathered at the shore. In my peaceful reverie, I recalled the death of my mother decades earlier when this scene had filled me with sadness, emptiness, and isolation. Back then, the vacant ocean mirrored the emptiness that hung over me. The relentless tide and far horizon deepened my despair and sense of meaninglessness. The brilliant sunset and carefree birds only intensified my alienation from life. Passersby shared pleasures and concerns, while I felt robotic and detached from life.

It’s not unusual to feel such emptiness when we mourn the loss of a loved one. However, the term emptiness can describe different experiences depending on the context and our perspective―whether spiritual, philosophical, or psychological, to name a few. Personally, I’ve been unsettled by emptiness arising for no reason when all is well, but also enjoyed its benefits during meditation. This series of articles will explore these differences and offer some ways to approach emptiness.

Each person’s encounter with emptiness is unique and varies in intensity. It may be indistinct and hard to identify, particularly when uncombined with grief. We may search for answers, or feel that we, our work, or our life lacks meaning and importance. Why, when, and what we experience depends upon our personality and life circumstances and events. If we highly value relationships, we might feel emptiness when we’re alone. If we primarily value power, we may experience it when our self-esteem isn’t bolstered by aggression, success, or power. If we’re avoiding or repressing our feelings, we may “go through the motions” of living in a disconnected, mechanical manner and experience emptiness as boredom, vague unrest, or restlessness.

Emptiness can be felt fleetingly or poignantly if we’ve been living an “as if,” inauthentic life — for example, in a narrowly prescribed role, whether culturally or functionally defined, such as a breadwinner or homemaker, or family comedian, rebel, or hero. Without a role to define us, when circumstances change, we may lack the internal resources and connection to our authentic self to sustain us. A life event, such as an “empty nest” or unemployment, can plunge us into the void, revealing the emptiness of our existence.

Unlike sadness, hopelessness, or despair, emptiness may be accompanied by disassociation and deadness, which carry lack of feeling. Disassociation is the sense of detachment and lack of connection to oneself or reality. We may experience a floating sensation, nausea, dizziness, psychic numbing, or as if the ground is slipping away. Disassociation can occur during a traumatic event or acute shame experience.

Feelings are often best communicated through metaphor. My experience at the ocean reflected back to me my internal world. One client compared her emptiness to aftermath of a nuclear holocaust―as if she were walking, feeling dead, through a bleak and orange wasteland. Some people experience “hollowness” in the pit of their stomach. A newly divorced client drew a picture of a raft adrift at sea to portray her experience of feeling lost without bearings. Losing a loved one can make not only the present, but also the future, seem unbearably empty. A sense of futility and meaninglessness are always close, stemming from helplessness and lack of energy and desire. After death of her son, my client Martha described the emptiness following her initial sorrow as “not having enough blood in my veins.”

In grief we may feel lonely for the loved one we’ve lost, but loneliness is distinct from emptiness, despite the fact that they’re often experienced and studied together. Both feelings are aspects of the same basic anxiety (May, 2009, p. 13), which is often felt as we approach the discomfort of emptiness.

Yet, with emptiness, there’s no wanting, nor a sense that something is lacking. People say they feel nothing and want nothing, or that nothing is worthwhile. In contrast, loneliness is accompanied by sadness, missing, or longing for someone, and a desire to be with others. However, after losing his beloved Julie, French poet Alphonse de LaMartine (2002) wrote, “I ask nothing of this immense universe;” a mourner’s “indifferent soul knows neither charm nor joy,” but contemplates the earth as a “wondering shadow,” imagining being carried off in the wind like a “withered leaf.”

This is the first installment of several examining different perspectives on emptiness, including the existential, Buddhist, and psychological. See Part 2. You will find footnote references and may also read the entire original article.

© 2019 Darlene Lancer