My Friend and His Wife Tried Kinky Sex — He Ended up in Hospital After
If you plan to have a night of kinky passion, don’t do what my friend’s wife did
It’s 11:30 at night, I’m lying on the sofa nearing the point where I’m about to go to bed. My phone starts ringing. It’s my friend, I’ll call him Dan for the purposes of this post. Seeing as it was late, I had no intentions of answering.
But then he rings again. Again, I ignore it. No chance am I answering. But then he rings again, and I get a text message which reads, “Answer the phone, it’s an emergency.”
His words wake me right up. I answer the phone. “Mate,” he says immediately, “you need to take me to hospital, now! It’s an emergency!”
I ask him what’s wrong.
His response is silence. So, I ask him again. And again. And again, until finally, he responds: “It’s dead embarrassing… But I’ll tell you when you get here… Be quick though, it won’t stop bleeding…”
He had told me earlier in the day that he and his wife had some “nocturnal” plans for the evening but had not elaborated on what those plans were. However, I knew they were a bit kinky so immediately I am thinking that it’s something to do with his downstairs region.
I drive there, and he comes scurrying out carrying a towel with him, he places the towel on the passenger seat and then jumps in. Now I’m definitely thinking he’s bleeding downstairs. I ask him what’s happened, and where his wife is.
“She’s not coming,” he tells me.
“How come?” I say.
“She’s too embarrassed. Can you believe it?” He then, after I begin driving and start pushing for details about what the hell has happened, tells me what has happened. “She’s broken my bum hole.”
He literally said those words. At first, I think he’s joking. But then, mainly because of the panicked expression on his face, I realise he’s not. Apparently, after being inspired by Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool, they had taken it upon themselves to attempt pegging.
If you don’t know what that is, that is the type of sex where a woman wears a strap on with a dildo attached and takes on the role of the “man.” Apparently, she had got a little overzealous and had literally torn open the inner lining of his rectum.
Though not with the strap on. They had not made it to that part. You see he told me that she had needed to “loosen” him up down there first. She had used her fingers to do that. But guess what, she had been wearing fake nails, and did not think that it may be wise to take those off before sticking her finger up his ass.
As she perhaps overzealously and over excitedly attempted to loosen him up by pushing a finger up there, one of those fake nails split his rectum wide open and did not just do that, it had become stuck up his bum — literally lodged in the flesh. Yes, you read that right, he had a fake nail lodged up his ass. I will leave you to picture the damage that such a scenario had created.
So anyway, we get to the hospital. His wife is not there because she’s too embarrassed to sit with him and recount the story of how it happened, or even admit that her fake nail was up her husband’s ass. So instead, I’m sat with him. He gets called in and I sit and wait for a while.
Eventually, after a good few hours, he comes back out. The doctor has managed to, dare I say it, dislodge it. But it has — unsurprisingly — left quite a severe gash, so he is warned that it is possible that he may have to come back if he has issues.
Fortunately, he did not have to go back, and so the story ends there. I’m sharing this story because of course there is an important lesson, and it is not that you cannot trust a friend who is a writer not to share a story like this, no, it’s this: if you are a woman — or a man for that matter — and you wish to “nail” your husband up the ass, don’t use fake nails to do it. It won’t end well.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
26 Hilariously Bad Christmas Cracker Jokes That Will Make You Smile
We Were Doing an Art Nude Woodland Photoshoot — She Lost Her Clothes
My Ex Offered Anal Sex on The First Date — I Should Have Known She Was Married
To learn more about me see this link, to support me click the link below:
