We Were Doing an Art Nude Woodland Photoshoot — She Lost Her Clothes
When doing art nude photography outdoors, it’s really important not to do what we did
One of my friends asked if I would help with some of her portfolio shots — she had a new look and wanted some shots to show it. I agreed to the shoot. Art nude themed. She knew a great woodland and wanted us to go up there early one morning.
We get up there at 6 AM. Yep, ouch. And she tells me as we walked through the woodland, that so long as we were done by 9 AM, we should be good — lots of dog walkers start arriving around that time.
Three hours gives us ample time, and so she leads us to the first location, strips off and we get to it. The time flashes by and we move throughout the woodland, and she takes me to all the locations she has scouted out. I notice a few decent locations as well along the way. And I have to say she was in the zone that morning, absolutely killing it with the poses. Because of that, before we know it, we have a memory card full of awesome pictures — we also have time to spare. Score.
Except, there is a problem. She goes to get her clothes on, except… Sudden panic. “I forgot to pick them up when we moved between locations.”
It’s not a big deal, there is still nobody about — or at least we haven’t seen anyone. And so we have a little giggle about it and head back to the previous location. No signs of her clothes.
Now she is starting to full-on panic. Has somebody stolen her bag? It is also now getting close to 9 AM, meaning the dog walkers would soon be filling the woods — and she assures me that many are of the type who would not take kindly to finding a naked woman wandering about. She says that experience has taught her that.
I’m only wearing a T-shirt, but I offer it to her.
There is a problem, she is five foot ten, meaning though it covers her top half, it has no hope of covering her lower half. And so instead she wears my T-shirt over her lower half and puts my rucksack on back to front to cover her top half.
Now I am topless with a camera around my neck, and she is wearing my T-shirt as a skirt, and my rucksack as a top.
In this rather unique state of dress, we begin desperately searching all the locations we shot at, hoping that somehow her bag was at one of them.
It was not. We both now are thinking that somebody has either found it and thought that it had been lost, or stolen it. I suggest we head back to the car park, see if somebody has taken it there.
“No chance! There will be people there by now and I’m not letting people see me like this,” she says, before suggesting that I go back to the car park.
I’m extremely reluctant to leave her on her own in the woods — especially after her comments about the type of people who walk these woods. But she persuades me that it’s our best option and so I do — she still has her phone (luckily, it had been in my rucksack).
As I near the car park I pass several dog walkers. They offer me some comments: “It’s a bit early to have your top off isn’t it!” “You’re not gonna get a tan in the woodlands, sunny.” “You’re a brave one!” I am also given a few looks of the unimpressed kind which definitely read as: “Get your top back on, what’s the matter with you!”
I smile at each of them. Guys are lucky, if we have our tops off people more often think, he’s an idiot or just one of “those” guys i.e. up themselves types. Plus, as I was six foot two and jacked to hell, people who were unapproving of me rarely let me know.
I make it back to the car park, there are quite a few cars now in it, but my friend’s bag is nowhere in sight — we had hoped somebody might have found it and left it in the car park. I check the car, hoping that I have something that can pass off as clothing.
I do not.
I phone her and inform her of the bad news, she makes it clear to me that she is not driving back into town dressed as she is, there would be too much of a risk of people seeing her. Now I’m thinking what the hell do I do. And who could I call at this time of the day to bring some clothes up for her.
Just as I’m thinking this a voice calls out to me: “What you trying to do, Laddie, give my wife a heart attack.”
I start thinking oh dear, he is going to complain about the fact I don’t have a top on.
Except he doesn’t, he is an elderly man and is here with his wife and their dogs — a labrador and a Jack Russell — and has a broad smile on his face.
We share a little bit of banter, and as they have just come out of the woodland, I decide to ask if they have seen my friend’s bag. He tells me they have not, he then starts fishing. I tell him my T-shirt was in the bag.
He laughs, jokes about how that’ll teach me to take my top off. He then tells me that they are happy to help me look. I pause for a moment, more people looking would certainly be helpful, but then how would my friend feel about it and how might they feel if they discover her undressed state. They had tolerated me, but would they tolerate her?
Also, they may not appreciate the fact we had been doing art nude photography. Even though art nude is not sexual, some people treat it like it is — and a lot of people wrongly treat anything they deem sexual in a highly intolerant manner.
I decide screw it and accept his offer of help. He then tells me that he has a jacket in his car. I ask him if he has two. He smiles, he does. I then decide to take a chance and tell him the situation.
His response is to offer more help, no questions asked. He also says that we best hurry up and get back to her because it was not good leaving her in the wood’s alone in such a state of undress. I agree and so we hurry back to where I had left her.
They respectfully keep out of sight at first as I take her the jacket, she puts it on and gives me back the rucksack. I then tell her that there are a couple of people who are going to help us keep looking. She is very appreciative.
I introduce them, there are some wide grins, but much kindness and no questions asked. And so, we all start looking, heading to each of the locations. A few more people start to help — friends of the couple who we came across along the way.
Before we know it, there are nine of us in total looking for my friend’s missing bag, and my friend is both extremely appreciative but also extremely mortified at the fact we have in effect formed a churchgoing search crew to find her missing clothes.
Yep, it turns out they are all members of the local village parish — what a story they will have to tell at the next morning coffee session.
Anyhow, eventually, together we manage to find it. It was at the second last location; we assume that she must have put it on a rock and the bag had fallen off — there was a sharp drop behind the rock along with some foliage below. The bag was stuck in that foliage.
After much effort, we managed to retrieve it, all contents still inside. And so, the drama ended. The lesson of the story is of course twofold, one, never put your bag on a rock that has a sheer drop behind it — especially if that bag has your clothes in it. Two, mornings suck, clearly, if we had done this at sunset it wouldn’t have happened… just saying.
Oh and of course, you should never doubt people’s willingness to help you if you are in a tough spot, no questions asked. Even if they find you in a rather, dare I say it, “limited” state of dress.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading!
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