3 Reasons Why Friendships May Not Stand the Test of Time

Many of us are going through changes; unfortunately, people close to us won’t see it as a positive thing.

This is the first time in my life I have faced multiple friendship break-ups from people in different circles.

After giving it much thought and writing a few other blogs about this topic — they’re sprinkled throughout this blog —I determined three reasons why friendships, even your closest ones, may not stand the test of time.

You grow and evolve, and your friends and family don’t.

At some point in our lives, we come to a crossroads.

We get the opportunity to look at ourselves and what we’re doing and ask if the way we make decisions is truly moving us forward.

I came to this crossroad at twenty-three. I realized what I was doing wasn’t getting me anywhere close to where I wanted.

At the same time, I was given an opportunity to pursue a different path.

I eagerly accepted because I knew my life needed to change.

It’s been four years, and I have moved forward in ways I never thought possible.

Through these four years, I learned a lot about myself and decided to be accountable and change the habits holding me back.

I got to know myself, my beliefs, and my values and began to pursue a purposeful life.

During this time, I found Medium and began writing.

But all these changes, as positive as they may seem to you who’s reading, weren’t seen as positive by close friends and family members.

I began learning how to establish boundaries.

How to make decisions based on my beliefs and values and stick to them.

How to be okay with disappointing others — one of my biggest fears.

I began learning how to live an authentic life.

When you start making these changes, if the people around you are not used to this, they will most likely react negatively.

I used to be a huge people-pleaser. Constantly doing and saying things I didn’t fully agree with.

I was so afraid of stirring the pot — I constantly put myself in a corner so people would be okay with my existence.

If you made friendships while acting and thinking in a similar fashion, odds are once you choose to change, these friends won’t be comfortable with you anymore.

They won’t be able to accept the change and criticize you for it since you were much easier to deal with before.

You become centered in your values and beliefs and no longer accept anything else.

You learn to stand up for yourself and begin setting boundaries.

Boundaries make people uncomfortable.

They are a clear sign of what others are and aren’t allowed to do to you.

If you’re a recovering people-pleaser like me, boundaries will upset some of the people close to you.

I used to be okay with violating my values and beliefs.

I was more afraid of being rejected and labeled a disappointment.

Once I began to conquer these fears, I started being vocal about what I was and wasn’t okay with.

People weren’t used to me speaking up. They weren’t used to me using my voice and saying my piece.

Boundaries meant having standards for myself and others.

What I was willing and unwilling to do — what I was willing and unwilling to accept from others.

I no longer succumbed to peer pressure.

If people can no longer manipulate you or convince you to do something you’ve clearly said you’re uncomfortable with, people will not be happy with you.

Especially those who are not on a similar self-improvement and personal development journey.

They won’t understand why ‘all of a sudden’ you’re not budging.

You meet other people who have similar values and beliefs and prioritize them.

When I was given the opportunity to pursue personal development, I was also offered a business opportunity.

I joined a community that focused on developing healthier daily habits and taking action to move forward.

I chose to make this a priority.

Instead of hanging out at the bar with my other friends, I chose to read a book or hang out with members of this community and learn from them.

This made the people around me upset because I was no longer prioritizing them and the activities they wanted to do.

I started making changes like having a budget and a savings goal for the month.

I also had goals for my personal development — reading one book per month, listening to a self-improvement podcast once a day, getting some form of physical activity, etc.

I was prioritizing activities and people that would fill me.

I was putting myself first and giving most of my attention to the people who understood this.

When you do this long enough, you notice people being displeased with you.

They get upset because they feel you think you’re better than them.

You’re reflecting to them what they’re not doing to move their lives forward.

This is why some friendships fall apart.

One of you starts doing better mentally, physically, or professionally and the other can’t handle the change.

They can’t handle you being the one who’s doing better.

It’s sad, but this process highlights the people you should be investing in and spending time with and who you shouldn’t.

It’s a painful process that you must go through if your goal is to live an authentic life.

I will never forget what my counselor told me during a session. She said this when most of these changes began taking place in my life.

She said pursue and live an authentic life no matter what it costs you.

As scary as this sounds, I’ve learned I would rather risk it than have regrets because I didn’t live according to my values.