What To Expect From Relationships When You Choose To Grow.

There are two very clear results that happen when you start getting to know yourself and understanding what your needs and wants are.

This is the root of why friendships and any kind of relationship may either whither completely or begin thriving.

I started this process when I began pursuing personal development four years ago.

I didn’t know a lick about myself — what I needed, let alone wanted.

I spent a lot of time alone. For once, allowing myself to process my thoughts and feelings instead of running away from them like I always did.

Getting to know yourself is a process that will reveal to you the real friendships and genuine relationships in your life.

Unfortunately, many people will only want to remain a part of your life as long as they’re getting something from you.

As manipulative as this sounds, I believe most of the time, the people who do this don’t even know they are.

Why? They’re not self-aware, nor are seeking to learn.

Unfortunately, we grow up being shown that love is conditional.

I grew up this way, and it left a lot of pain and trauma. I’m still doing a lot of healing work from it.

I learned that I would only be loved as long as I was a ‘good girl.’

I learned I couldn’t take up much space, have a voice, or have negative feelings around others. Because good girls always do what they are told and make everyone around them happy with their presence.

I turned into a MAJOR people pleaser. Everything I did was to make sure I was liked and accepted.

I sacrificed so much of myself that when I got the opportunity to start counseling, I didn’t know who I was or how to feel, and I was terrified of what I would find.

But I’m glad I embarked on this journey — it saved me.

It stopped me from repeating the generational curse I was passed down.

It allowed me to begin healing, accept who I am with all my flaws, and care less about what other people think of me.

It allowed me to find the neglected inner child in me who wanted and needed so much love.

I highly recommend that you do the same.

It also showed me that, unfortunately, I was one of the few people in my family and group of friends to choose accountability and change.

Once I started making different choices, pursuing other endeavors, and changing my behavior, the people around me didn’t support it and saw it as a negative change.

This was tough because I wanted to be vulnerable and share the journey I had embarked on.

I wanted to tell the people I loved that I was holding onto a lot of pain.

I wanted their support, reassurance, and love because healing is not easy.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get it — and that’s okay. This happens a lot to people who choose to be cycle breakers.

Going through this process of learning who my real supporters are has taught me very valuable lessons about life.

It’s best to live a genuine life alone than a surface-level mediocre life surrounded by people who don’t truly know you.

As I get older, I’m learning the importance of living an authentic life alongside the pursuit of growth.

There’s no way to create the life of your dreams if you don’t first become the kind of person who can make those dreams happen and sustain them.

Choosing growth has opened my eyes and shown me that I cannot expect things to change unless I change.

There’s no way to create a life different than the one I have if I can’t recognize what needs to change in the first place.

So if you feel you’ve come to a crossroads with your life, choose growth, choose to heal, and choose forgiveness.

It will be painful to distance yourself from the people you taught would be a part of your life forever.

But that will open room for God to introduce others, learn how to create boundaries, and allow you to become the main character in your story.

Because I was a huge people pleaser, I constantly did what others wanted and expected of me, which left no room for me to do what I truly wanted.

That’s no way to live. If you’re making decisions based on what others are doing or saying, can you say your life is your own?

Don’t be afraid of new beginnings and change, and if you are afraid, move forward anyways.

You’ll be surprised by what is waiting for you on the other side. I certainly was.