14 Of The Best Risque Men And Women Jokes That Will Brighten Up Your Day
Men say they rule, women say they rule, yet everyone knows it’s really cats that rule… though wait…
If you were to make a bet on which type of jokes were as old as humanity, it would men versus women jokes. Here are 14 at the best of them.
Disclaimer: some of these are risque, while all will make you groan.
How do you know that Santa Claus is, and has always been, a man? He wears the same outfit year after year.
What’s the ultimate proof that women rule the world? The fact that no matter what, even when the woman is clearly in the wrong, it’s always the man that sleeps on the sofa.
An English professor wrote on a blackboard the words: “Woman without her man is nothing.” He then asked his students to punctuate it correctly. The boys wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The girls wrote: “Woman: without her, man is nothing.”
A woman says to her husband: “You don’t know what it’s like being a woman, we have to deal with menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, menopause, hot flushes…” Eventually, the list ends and the man says in return, “You don’t know what it’s like to be a man, it’s much harder, we have to put up with women dealing with all that.”
Why do women like giving blowjobs? It’s the only guaranteed way that they can get inside a man’s head.
Why do men love blowjobs so much? It’s the only guaranteed way that they can get inside a woman’s head.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
How do you know for certain that a pussy is tougher than a penis? Because no matter how hard a penis tries to pound a pussy, the outcome is always the same, it shrivels up and withdraws.
Why do some men and women never have midlife crises? They remain in the adolescent phase their whole lives…
A woman says to her fiancé, “What would be the best day to get married on so you don’t forget our anniversary?” The man replies: “The 29th of February.”
An alien who is studying the human race says to his fellow researcher. “I finally understand now why men constantly pursue women for sex rather than giving them what they want, which would provide them with sex.” His fellow researcher's attention is thoroughly piqued. “Oh yes, I’m all ears.” “It’s an instinctual population control management system.”
Alternative:
An alien who is studying the human race says to his fellow researcher. “I finally understand now why women constantly pursue men for relationships rather than giving them what they want, which would provide them with relationships.” His fellow researcher’s attention is thoroughly piqued. “Oh yes, I’m all ears.” “It’s an instinctual population control management system.”
What’s the one difference between men and women when they get married that they have in common? Women expect that their husbands will change, men expect that their wives won’t. Both are pretty much always wrong.
What is the ultimate proof that being kicked in the balls is far more painful than going through childbirth? After going through childbirth once, many women wilfully choose to do so again and again and again; however, after being kicked in the balls once, no man ever said I want to go through that again.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, you may also enjoy the following:
30 of the Best Sex Jokes To Spice Up Your Day
36 Hilarious Relationship Jokes That Will Brighten Up Your Day
15 Fascinating Anatomical Differences between Men and Women That You Probably Didn’t Know
To learn more about me see this link, to follow me on TikTok see this link, to support me click the link below:
