10 Painful Signs Somebody Is NOT Your Twin Flame

Let’s end the questions once and for all

I have been writing about twin flames for over three years now and have over 15k monthly views on most of my articles. It’s clear: twin flames are waking up everywhere nowadays.

It’s no wonder that this topic is so popular lately — everybody wants to find true love and the twin flame fairytale seems to be even more than true love. Make no mistake though: meeting your twin flame is far from a fairytale.

Yes, it’s true love, but this type of true love teaches you how far you have been removed from love all this time. When you have really met your twin flame, this painful reality gets slapped in your face every single day until you see it for yourself.

Why do we romanticize twin flame love?

If you don’t have a healthy amount of self-love, the twin flame love story seems like the salvation you have been waiting for. How romantic is it to meet your Other Half, and together become One?

A true twin flame does make you feel One, but not because they are your Other Half. The Oneness you feel with them is the same Oneness you can feel alone when you’re walking your Soul’s path.

And a true twin flame points you to that Soul path, no matter if they are part of it or not. You just have to find that path, and once you do, everything will start to make sense.

I believe many people are meeting their twins now because the world is in pain. Our society is making us behave like robots — endlessly chasing external happiness and being asleep to the beauty that’s around us all the time. We forget that happiness is within us, no matter what happens outside.

A real twin flame connection

A twin flame will wake you up to this truth because with them, suddenly this beauty becomes visible. You realize that you need nothing external to be happy, as with them you feel as whole as you will ever be. And this realization also shows you that you don’t even need your twin to be happy, as you accept whatever happens to you is a necessary step in becoming You.

You fully accept that you lost your twin for a reason and that the Universe is giving you exactly what you need.

Change is the only factor you can be certain of, and there will be a time you will learn to be whole without your twin.

It took me three years to reach that state and they were the darkest years of my life. There were moments when I didn’t even see the need to live anymore because I had lost what had been the only thing that made me feel complete ever in my life.

If you make it through those years though, you will at some point see that without those dark depths, you would never be able to reach the pure light. And once you’ve seen that light, you will know that it’s always with you.

Signs you have NOT met your twin flame

I have written about signs you met your true twin flame and also about the difference between a false and real twin. But I keep getting questions about how you can know for sure somebody is your twin.

So here are some signs they are not your twin flame, even though the connection still feels magnetic:

1. They don’t want you

I am sorry to burst your bubble, but this is the number one sign somebody is not your twin flame. If somebody does not want to be with you from the beginning; you want them more than they want you.

The first stage for both twin flames is the longing for each other. Once you then meet each other, both twins want to spend all their time with the other. If they are not interested in you from the beginning and keep pushing you away, they are not your twin.

The only time your twin doesn’t want you is during the separation stage, but before that, you have already had the honeymoon phase. Don’t fool yourself that your twin is the runner now if they have never even been with you before.

2. They abuse you

A true twin flame does not abuse you — it’s as simple as that. They might display toxic behavior and are even narcissistic, but they don’t abuse you. They don’t hit you, they don’t rape you, they don’t treat you like a slave.

A real twin flame loves you and doing those things would affect them personally as well. There is a thin line between abuse and toxic behavior and it’s hard to distinguish what exactly is happening.

I guess one way to tell is that abuse is conscious and toxic behavior is unconscious. Somebody can display toxic traits because of the trauma they have experienced as a child, but it’s different than actual abuse. You are probably also toxic to your twin, but would you ever hurt them on purpose?

No matter how traumatized somebody is, it’s never a reason to physically hurt you. And when they do, they are not your twin. Please walk away as fast as you can.

3. They never talk about the future with you

A connection can feel very magnetic to you, but not to them. When this is the case, they won’t talk about the future with you — simply because there is none.

They don’t feel the same about you as you feel about them and that is painful. Don’t chase somebody who made it clear that they don’t want you. A real twin flame wants you back but is often incapable of doing so because of the current circumstances or past traumas.

Somebody who keeps telling you that you are not the One for them is not your twin. Let them go.

4. They always need more time

This is another sign somebody is not your twin flame. They never want to commit. They always have excuses for needing more time. The truth is, they are not sure about you, and that’s why they need more time. They like your presence for the time-being, but they don’t really want you.

A real twin flame will try everything to be with you (at first) and will not make excuses to see you. Eventually, the separation stage happens, but not before both twins tried their hardest to make it work first.

5. They only want you for sex (or money)

Somebody who is only interested in you when they want sex or money is not your twin. A real twin flame wants you for who you are and sex is a natural reaction to that. But if your person only shows up when they are horny and then leaves again, they are just using you. Typically, this happens with fake male twins.

False women twins tend to show up only when they want your money and will give you sex in return. Once they have what they need, they’ll leave you again and do their own thing, not caring about your feelings at all.

6. There is no mutual Oneness

Twins experience Oneness together. Both twins feel and acknowledge this and it blows their world. When only you are the one feeling One, it can be related to trauma-bonding or codependency.

You will recognize this because you long for spiritual sex and a divine connection, while your “twin” is not even aware of anything supernatural.

7. They lie to you about who else they sleep with

When both twins meet, there is no desire for anyone else. They both realize they have found what they have been looking for and nobody can top that feeling.

It often happens that one or both twins are still married when they meet, but they will be honest about this. They probably don’t want to sleep with their spouse anymore but will tell you the truth when it does happen.

If you keep figuring out that your twin is sleeping with other people (especially other than their spouse), they don’t recognize your divine connection and are most likely not your twin.

8. There is no spiritual connection

A twin flame love is forced upon you by the Universe. It only happens when both of you are open. Many weird things happen before, during, and after your twin flame relationship — also to the other twin. And they will become aware of that (even though maybe you were not spiritual before).

When somebody doesn’t wake up spiritually at all during a “twin” love connection, they are not your twin. After all, a twin flame connection is so incredibly strong that it would be impossible to consider this normal.

There are forces beyond your control at work and many things about the Universe will become clear to both of you. This forces you both into a spiritual awakening.

9. They don’t care about who you really are

No matter how toxic or narcissistic a true twin flame is, they will want to know about who you are. They don’t run away from you when you become vulnerable and they will show genuine interest in you.

A toxic person who is not your twin does not care about your emotions or feelings. They just want what they want and don’t care about your needs. They will run away as soon as something bad happens to you and move on to the next person.

10. You don’t both change internally

You are not in a twin flame connection if it doesn’t change both of you. Somebody who is using you will just keep living their normal life as they’ve always done.

A true twin will also change because of this relationship. Even though the connection probably doesn’t last, it changes both people to the core. That is the blessing of a real twin flame relationship — you finally get to meet your Higher Self.

Most twins are not meant to last

This is a hard truth not often talked about in the twin flame community. After all, we all want our happy ending with the only love of our lives. But it’s not that easy. To reunite with your twin flame, a lot of healing needs to be done first.

And most likely, this is not convenient in the stage of your (or their) life you are in right now. Healing takes a lot of solitude and introspection — if you are married and/or have kids, this can be very hard. It’s often the reason why many twins don’t come back together until many years later (or never at all).

The beauty of the twin fame connection though, is that after your time healing, you will realize you don’t need your twin anymore. It was a beautiful and necessary chapter in your life, but if you take your healing seriously, the longing for your twin has to stop at some point.

You will always be connected to them because they are inside of you all along. You will fully accept that you cannot change anything outside of yourself, and this includes your twin. You will stop waiting for them because you have found the one you were looking for:

You.

What to do if you have not met your twin flame yet?

What if, after reading this article, you realize they are not your twin flame? You probably still long for your real twin because you feel they are out there.

You can choose to skip the twin flame pain though and move on to your Soul Partner (which is actually better than a twin). You can heal without meeting your twin in real life first. They probably guide you in spirit if you have a twin flame (and not everybody has one).

There are a few things you can do to already start the journey. You can buy some inner work journals and start facing your traumas by yourself.

You can learn about attachment styles and trauma-bonding. You can start journaling about your triggers. You can take a step back from being reactive and see why you react a certain way. Why do you long so much for your twin?

What part of you is missing that you need to find your other half?

What are your insecurities and why? What caused them? Were you bullied? Neglected? Rejected by one of your parents?

Healing is not easy but you can do it alone. A twin flame only teaches you how important this healing is. When you can figure that out yourself, you will save yourself a lot of heartbreak. My twin flame was the hardest chapter of my life, but because it forced me to heal myself, I can only feel gratitude for him now.

I recognize the signs of a true twin flame connection now in others too. And if you are in one right now, the only thing I can say is to enjoy every second of it — the dark part that’s necessary will arrive soon.

I have started a new series on my Medium profile that will describe my twin flame journey from our first meeting to our reunion three years later. You can read part one here if you are interested.

You can find all my twin flame articles here. I also appreciate anybody who can buy me a coffee :) Thank you!