You’ve Been Hurt, and You’re Continuing the Cycle
Be the one who stops the pain, not the one who keeps it going.
You’re probably familiar with the saying, “hurt people hurt people.” Unfortunately, it’s often true. When people are hurt, they tend to lash out at others or copy the behavior, be it physical, emotional, or mental.
It’s how cycles of abuse get started and continue.
Picture a boy standing at the edge of a cliff at the top of a snow-covered mountain. A mean kid sneaks up behind him and launches a snowball at his head and runs off. That hurt! In frustration, the boy pounds a snowball together and hurls it off the cliff.
It starts rolling down the hill, gathering speed as it goes. Before long, it’s barreling down the mountain collecting victims…I mean, more snow, till it becomes an avalanche washing over innocent skies who are just out enjoying the slopes, and the entire unsuspecting village below it.
One hurt person can start an avalanche of pain that continues for generations and can spread to other people who take it back to their families, potentially starting another cycle.
Think of someone who was sexually abused by a family friend or neighbor. The pain was already in one family, but it spread and injected its poison into another one.
Abuse cycles aren’t limited to physical abuse. Emotional and mental manipulation, gaslighting, and passive-aggressive behaviors can’t be seen but are often picked up by children who carry them into their adult lives and relationships, causing damage to their own families.
Someone quoted the line to me after I confronted him about some things, and he had come clean about lying to me.
“Hurt people hurt people.”
He said it like it was just a statement of fact, the way it goes. He had been through a lot of hurt, and now he had hurt someone else, whether intentionally or not. That statement bothered me.
Because it sounded like a cop-out.
Here’s the thing.
The cycle doesn’t have to continue.
Hurt people don’t have to hurt people.
Remember that cycles can be broken! The hurt doesn’t have to continue wreaking havoc. You don’t have to continue cycles of abuse or manipulation.
You stop the cycle by recognizing and acknowledging the hurt in you. Then, you do the work to heal from it. If you have a broken heart, don’t jump into another relationship looking for someone to make you feel better; heal first. If you were abused as a child, don’t go looking for love and acceptance in others; heal first.
I’m not saying it’s easy to heal, but it’s necessary to stop the snowball effect. Take responsibility for your actions and face your wounds. And instead of being one more broken person in a line of falling dominos, you can help others up by being an example of strength and hope to those who are still struggling.
If you would like to read all of my content on Medium, you can sign up through my referral page below. If you join through my link, I receive a percentage of the cost of the subscription. Thanks for reading!
