You’re Not Lazy or Unmotivated, You’re Simply “Unwilling”

Getting into a magical state of flow only takes a simple linguistic switch

It’s 2021. There are battlefields in Syria, Afghanistan, Yemen, and elsewhere. Wikipedia lists around 40 ongoing wars and conflicts this year.

But perhaps, the most consequential battle now being fought is in our minds.

Every day, we’re fighting a constant battle with abstract enemies — boredom, laziness, procrastination, and many other things. But the thing is, all these concepts are one and the same; these are all “shame terms” used for a variety of issues, caused by one simple thing.

In reality, we aren’t bored, lazy, or unmotivated — we’re simply unwilling.

Unwillingness is a trap

“A trap is only a trap if you don’t know about it. If you know about it, it’s a challenge.” — China Mieville

We all procrastinate. Yet, according to research, while everybody may procrastinate, not everyone is a procrastinator.

A simple Google search gives the definition of procrastination as, “to delay doing something until a later time because you don’t want to do it, because you are lazy, etc.”

That may be true — if we only see the surface.

If we’re willing to dig a little deeper, procrastination is actually rooted in the oldest and strongest emotion we have: fear.

Whether we realize it or not, we consume this fear every day; fear of failure, of success, of not being perfect. You may wonder, fear of success? How can someone in their right mind fear success? Simple: because it involves change.

Sadly, our brain’s automatic response to anything related to change — be it positive or negative — is to back off immediately.

To get over this fear, let’s understand another important thing about our brain:

We are hard-wired into believing the easy opportunities really is the ripest.

In other words, we aren’t programmed to be willing to do anything that requires any amount of effort. (and yes, it can even include things we find enjoyable.)

Even if we do enjoy something, having to work at it and be better at it is just hard, requires effort and a little bit of discomfort.

I love art and drawing, but I hate learning all the mundane scales of it. I enjoy playing the guitar, but I don’t want to learn all the boring stuff even if it does make me better.

But the truth is, I am unwilling to learn about the details or the boring stuff because all I care about is the end result.

Unwillingness is the actual reason behind every procrastination, laziness, or stagnancy we’ve ever encountered in life. Now that we know it, it should be a challenge for us to change for the better.

The next question is: how?

Creating willingness in a state of chaos

Instead of viewing “unwillingness” as a character flaw, let’s create a bomb of willingness when there’s apparently none, a spark of potential — if you like.

Once upon a time in your life, this state was easy to access, enlivened by the vigor of youth or the curiosity of childhood. Somehow, over the years, we lost touch with this magical state.

As we get older, we become more selective. We overthink everything deeply to its core. We care about what other people think.

Our parents told us that this thing we had been working on wouldn’t work in the end, and we knew for a “fact” that our neighbors would speak hurtful and irrational things behind our backs if we kept doing it.

Suddenly, we lose that spark of willingness.

But as Epictetus once said:

“Circumstances don’t make the man; they only reveal him to himself.” — Epictetus, Stoic philosopher

The true measure of who you are will not be found in your circumstances, but in how you respond to them. To start this new process, you have to stop the other one first.

• Stop blaming luck.
• Stop blaming other people.
• Stop pointing to outside influences or circumstances.
• Stop blaming your childhood or neighborhood.

You can’t dwell on any blame game in your life. Even blaming yourself is completely useless.

Of course, you’ll face situations or tragic circumstances that you seemingly can’t control — like disability, disease, or the death of a loved one. Yet, there is always something you can do to affect those circumstances even if you’ve had them for years and still can’t see a way.

But first, you must be willing.

The dictionary describes willingness as: “The quality or state of being prepared: Readiness.”

In other words, willingness is a state in which we can engage with life and see a situation from a new perspective. It starts with you and ends with you.

As mentioned by Gary John Bishop in his book, Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life:

“Remember, everything is solve-able, and if you can’t see a solution, it only means you haven’t worked it out yet.” — Gary John Bishop

To fully embrace this approach, you must first accept while there are things that have happened in your life that you had no say in, you are 100% responsible for what you do with your life in the aftermath of those events.

Always, every time. No excuses.

No one can make you willing, and you can’t move forward until you really are willing to make the next move.

Finding the door to willingness

“Fate leads the willing and drags along the reluctant.” — Seneca

Repeat after me: “I am willing.”

Of course, it’s easier said than done. Before you can say that to yourself honestly, you must first ask yourself the question,

Am I willing?

The power of this question is irresistible.

• Am I willing to go to the gym?
• Am I willing to work on that project I’ve been putting off?
• Am I willing to face my social fears?
• Am I willing to ask for a raise or quit this shitty job?

In short, are you willing to STOP living the life you have and START living the life you’re after?

Surely, life is not black and white. There are complicated things you need to consider before making the next move. But the point is: You always have a choice.

Believe me, I hear you, “I am willing but…”. Every time you add the “but” to the end of that statement, you turn yourself into the victim.

When you are finally willing, you can literally experience that willingness — that innate freedom that courses through your veins, and similarly when you are not, the kind of primordial stuck-ness that halts, and presses down on you like some invisible weight on your chest.

Take the case. Imagine for a moment, that willingness is missing in your life. Not some wispy, sheepish willingness but rather a bold willingness, the kind of willing state where you are ready for what’s next and ready to act on it.

Willingness to change, willingness to let go, willingness to accept.

That is the real, magical, inspired willingness. Hold on to that.

Because life won’t stop for your pauses or procrastination. It will continue right along without you. Whether you play an active part or not, the show will go on.

It all starts with the emergence of willingness — that fluid, constantly expanding state where life springs and cedes.

And it’s all within you at the flick of a linguistic switch.

Are you willing?

Consider this for a second: No matter what you’re facing in life, what obstacles you’re trying to overcome, if you are willing to produce that state of willingness — that’s your door to make the effort, take the steps, deal with the setbacks, and ultimately create the progress and change in life you seek.

That’s why such a simple statement — “I am willing” — is so profound. You become enlivened by its promise, open to its allure. As the famous philosopher, Niccolo Machiavelli once said:

“Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great.” — Niccolo Machiavelli