4 Truths You Need to Accept Before Discovering Your True Self
#2: Self-discovery can never only be an internal process
Have you ever wondered what would you look like today had you followed your dreams?
Maybe you wanted to be a well-known author, a successful entrepreneur, or a physical therapist — where, according to an online survey by PayScale, is one of the happiest and most satisfying jobs in the world.
Whatever you want to become — that is the dream.
But what about the reality?
A survey conducted by LinkedIn showed about 30% of professionals actually pursued their dream job. These people didn’t just get lucky. They didn’t just wake up one day and suddenly gained a massive understanding of who they really are, or who they wanted to be.
Rather, they took the right action, at the right time, with the right mindset. They understand that it’s all about the process. Their personal journey.
If you aren’t part of the 30%, here are four things to keep in mind before kicking off your self-discovery journey.
#1: It all starts with being “delusional” in yourself
Self-discovery is the process of acquiring insight into your character.
As the motto inscribed on the temple of Apollo at Delphi, to “know thyself” means to be aware of your own limitations, and know what you are capable of doing.
This shouldn’t be hard. Besides, we’re the ones who truly know ourselves, right?
Well, not really.
It may seem that we are in control of our thoughts and behavior, but recent psychological study tells a different story. Psychologist Tasha Eurich, in her book “Insight,” wrote:
“Almost nobody is self-aware. Many of us are actually delusional about the concepts we make of ourselves.”
As social beings, we conform and go along with the crowd because we want to be liked and accepted. We act in certain activities because that’s what other people are doing. We wear what others wear because that’s what people think is “in”.
Following the crowd allows us to function in this complicated world, and it’s such a powerful temptation that permeates every aspect of life. But what happens when you do it indefinitely?
It’s easy to tick all the boxes everyone tells you about “success”, how to be likable, or climb to the top corporate ladder before realizing how long you’ve been wandering aimlessly.
Have you lost yourself along the way? Your racing mind is constantly pressing, needing an answer right now. You’re riding an emotional rollercoaster. You feel that time is slipping away. You know you need to make that change, but you feel truly uncomfortable.
You feel out of alignment. You don’t know who you are anymore.
I know because I’ve been there.
The first step to self-discovery is recognizing that you’re heading in the wrong direction.
And no, it’s not about hating who or where you are. But it’s all about honesty.
You can hide your truth from the world, but not from yourself. You can pretend to be what people expect you to be, but let’s be honest: are you really proud of it?
If the answer is no, here’s simple advice:
Use the good, fix the bad, and learn to live with the ugly.
For most of us, it’s much easier to love and embrace the good — the best parts of ourselves—our talents, positive personality traits, or the most attractive parts of our body.
We are taught from a young age that we can only show our good sides and hide our ugly parts — so it makes us think we’re the only ones who have them. However, these ugly parts are the most crucial for us to love in order to be authentic and at peace in our life.
If we start telling the truth and learn to live with the ugly, we will begin to see that we aren’t alone — it’s just part of being human.
Yes, it will feel uncomfortable, but you’ll be less delusional. You’ll be in tune with your character without having to hide from the world. You’ll be proud of who you are — and isn't that so much better?
#2: Self-discovery can never only be an internal process
The concept of the self, as told by almost every self-help book ever existed, asks us to look internally — to be content from within, to seek enlightenment through awakening the self.
But those words are sometimes twisted, unclear, and ambiguous. Hence, it is often misleading.
According to Tasha Eurich, in her book, self-awareness comes in two parts. It is (1) understanding your own behavior — or called internal self-awareness, and (2) having a sense of how others see us — or known as external self-awareness.
Self-discovery can never only be an internal process. It has to be an external process because you discover yourself only if you see yourself change something or someone.
There’s a reason we’re social beings. We need people and their feedback to improve.
Trust me, this comes from someone who has been independent all her life. My friend once referred to me as the "dedicated lone wolf"—but there’s more to being “independent” than meets the eye. It took me nearly a decade to fully realize I can't do everything on my own. My ego won't help me for long.
If you want to understand yourself, learn how to react well to other people’s feedback.
When you get something to improve — clarify, reflect, and evaluate. Sometimes, it’s necessary to look at yourself in the mirror and feel uncomfortable about finally make those long-needed changes.
It won’t make you any lesser, but a learner.
#3: You need to practice soothing your inner critique
Becoming mentally strong goes hand-in-hand with discovering oneself.
If you think a lot — like me — chances are you’re criticizing every single decision you make. Your mind loves to over-question and over-analyze. Your inner critique is loud.
What have I done? Have I made the right choice? What if I was wrong? Why should I do this? Does it even matter?
It never ends.
Criticizing oneself objectively can be a strength in many roles. But scientific data shows otherwise: it makes you more emotional and less likely to assimilate lessons from your shortcomings. In short, self-criticism makes you weaker in the face of failure.
Studies are finding that there is a far better alternative to self-criticism: self-compassion.
I don’t care how cheesy it sounds, but you need to be kind to yourself. Seriously, stop criticizing every single decision you make. Quit letting yourself drawing in negative thinking and hurtful acting.
Of course, it doesn’t mean being overly optimistic and overestimate yourself, thinking like you could be the next Iron Man. It’s not wrong to think that way, but it’s also not realistic.
Mental strength stems from a good balance of realism and optimism. If you want to be mentally strong, practice some self-compassionate self-criticism.
Be warm toward yourself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings. Think about your structure, evidence, and argument — rather than ignoring them or hurting yourself with self-criticism.
#4: Being true to yourself means having your delicate world shattered
In his book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, Jordan Peterson wrote:
“Hiding from others means suppressing and hiding the potentialities of the unrealized self.”
Even though his words may not be comforting, they can aid your journey toward self-discovery.
For a long time, I kept my values to myself because I was afraid of being confronted. I wasn’t ready to have my delicate world shattered. But how could I know my true self if I keep hiding?
Self-discovery is a courageous act. It means not being afraid to speak up and to be told your ideas are wrong. It means getting rejected over and over again.
Because not everyone will agree with your values. And you simply can’t please everyone.
But it’s good for you. You’ll learn to stand up for yourself. You'll gain more knowledge, read more books, pay more attention to your actions, gain courage and develop self-compassion.
All of which will result in a better you.
The Bottom Line
One key to truthfully and authentically discover yourself is to recognize that you are a dynamic process — not a fixed thing. Who you are today is probably different from who you were 5 years ago or who you can be 5 years from now. What matters is to keep re-evaluating your goals as you move forward in life.
Though a solid identity is built upon self-discovery, it is a process that is always changing and unfolding.
So, will you be part of the 30% of people who take the leap to follow their dreams? The answer lies in here and now.
I hope you choose wisely.