avatarAngelica Mendez

Summary

The author reflects on the journey from feeling like a failure at 23 to embracing a more balanced and fulfilling lifestyle, realizing that being constantly busy is not a measure of success and that rest is essential for true productivity.

Abstract

The author shares a personal narrative of transitioning from a hectic life as a college student and young professional to a more relaxed lifestyle as a bartender. Initially feeling like a failure for not meeting societal expectations of constant busyness, the author learns that success is not defined by an 'all or nothing' approach to work. The text emphasizes the importance of rest, the dangers of glorifying overwork, and the need to adjust one's expectations and routines as personal needs evolve. The author concludes that success is not a linear path but rather a series of pivots and redirections, and that self-forgiveness and self-care are crucial for genuine progress.

Opinions

  • The author argues that society's glorification of busyness and packed schedules is misguided and unsustainable.
  • They suggest that the expectation to be constantly productive is unrealistic and leads to feelings of failure when not met.
  • The author believes that rest is not only necessary but also productive, as it allows for recovery and future growth.
  • They point out that financial necessity often drives people to overwork, not a desire to be busy.
  • The author emphasizes the importance of separating one's identity from one's work and achievements.
  • They advocate for the acceptance of change and the need to adapt one's routines and expectations to align with personal growth and changing needs.
  • The author posits that success is often messy and non-linear, involving many perceived failures along the way.
  • They stress the importance of forgiving oneself for not adhering to an ideal of perfect productivity and the necessity of taking time for self-care to be fully present in all aspects of life.

You're Not Failing. You're Overwhelmed and Exhausted.

I remember feeling like a complete failure at 23.

Photo by Stacey Koenitz on Unsplash

I was halfway through my first year as a life insurance sales agent, barely making any money, feeling out of ideas and energy or desire to keep going.

The truth is, I hadn't stopped hustling and working hard since I started college.

I was seventeen when I enrolled at my university. I was a full-time student throughout my bachelor's program and took on even more when I moved on to my master's — I was a grad assistant, a personal assistant, and an intern at a local car insurance agency.

Busy became my middle name at that time.

About a year and a half ago, my life did a complete 180 — I started working as a bartender full-time and moved out on my own for the first time.

These may not seem like monumental changes, but they are if your expectations for how life would turn out were completely different.

I thought I was going to be a hustling corporate ladder climber. That didn't happen after being laid off twice since the pandemic.

Now that I've settled into a more relaxed lifestyle, I've realized that what we're doing is not sustainable.

We've convinced ourselves that it's either all or nothing. We're either working all the time, or we're not working at all, and that's unrealistic.

Busyness and insane schedules are overly glorified.

Today, they are seen as the mark of a warrior and a sign of future success.

I remember when I was in college, spending around 10 to 12 hours on campus, running around getting my assignments done, and working part-time.

I used to get compliments from friends and family saying I was destined for success because I was so dedicated to getting my degree.

The same was said after graduating, taking on the life insurance sales position, and continuing to work a ridiculous schedule.

The truth is, I was just trying to survive.

Every year I was in college, I accumulated more debt. I also needed spending money for everyday necessities like food and gas and to have the chance to enjoy life like a normal human being.

I wasn't busy because I wanted to. I was busy because I had to make sure I didn't waste the money I had already borrowed, and I had to work at least part-time to earn some income.

We're confusing survival with success.

Most of us, if we had a choice, would stay home, relax, and spend time with our loved ones or do a different activity that may not pay much money but fulfills us.

The opposite means that you're wasting time and not doing something with your life.

If your schedule isn't planned out to the last minute, you must be doing something wrong — that's how I thought you were supposed to live.

It wasn't until I started working as a bartender that my mind and eyes were opened to the possibility of living on a completely different schedule and succeeding non-conventionally.

Working as a bartender/server opened up more time for me to rest and do the things I wanted.

To this day, I don't work a 40-hour week.

I've learned to be very organized with my finances, which allows me to have this lifestyle.

The point is to keep your mind open to other possibilities. Things may not always go according to plan, but that doesn't mean you aren't moving forward.

My plan went to complete sh*t, but in the end, I still got what I wanted.

It takes time to adjust to a less 'busy' schedule.

I felt guilty for having time that wasn't designated for anything specific.

At first, I was overjoyed to have more time for myself. But shortly after, the guilt and shame kicked in, telling me I wouldn't amount to anything if I were spending this much time doing things that were 'unproductive.'

But rest is not unproductive. It's a requirement to continue moving forward.

As we age, we change. And that means the routines and systems that we had in the past may not work anymore.

I felt guilty for not being able to take on as much as I did in college. I'm 28 now. Ten years later, a few things are bound to change.

It took me some time to forgive myself and to let go of the unrealistic expectations I was placing myself to get 'more' done.

Many of us need to do this.

Change is sometimes hard to accept, and I'm in that phase for the first time.

I'm still young, but I'm certainly different, and that's okay.

I need more rest now than I did back in college because my physical and mental needs have evolved.

It's time we acknowledge and accept this. It will take time, but it's important if we want to develop new routines and systems that work with us rather than against us.

This has taught me perhaps the most important lesson: to separate what I do from who I am.

I never expected to be where I am now, nor could I have predicted how I would get here.

I'm grateful regardless because this was the goal — to become independent and live my life according to my beliefs and values.

We're constantly faced with challenges and obstacles, but after the journey to get here, I realized what I viewed as challenges were pivots and redirection.

We often become so obsessed with having our plans carried out exactly how we want that we think we're failing.

We fight so hard to have things happen how we think they're supposed to, and we become exhausted.

You're not failing. If you're getting up in the morning and doing the best that you can with the time that you have, then in my book, you're succeeding.

We think success is supposed to look like this beautiful, magical, always-on-the-up journey, but most of the time, success looks like you're constantly failing.

Forgive yourself for not meeting this unrealistic expectation of perfect productivity.

You're exhausted and overwhelmed, and that is normal, considering how much you're taking on and how much you're expecting yourself to do.

Taking time for yourself is a necessity to be 100% present for your career, goals, family, friends, and anything else that you want to do.

Life
Life Lessons
Personal Development
Self Improvement
Health
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