SARCASM
Your Titles vs. My Brain
Part 3
Title: Wings Like a Dove My brain: As opposed to wings like a bear??
Title: Why Living Your Authentic Truth Can Be Alienating My brain: I sure as FK would hope so.
Story sitting in the editor’s queue: 21-minute read (5,025 words) so far My brain: Get thee behind me Satan! The devil is a lie!
Title: The Importance Of Seeking To Understand My brain: So you can build a strong defense.
Title: Reasons Why Entrepreneurs Fail My brain: Reasons Why Writing Entrepreneurs Fail: They don’t delete their rejection PNs
Also sitting in the editor’s queue: (2,184 words) so far My brain: Cliff’s Notes for Gone with the Wind, oh joy.
Title: 3 Simple Steps for a Happier and More Fulfilled Morning My brain: Don’t go to work. Done in 1.
Title: 4 Psychological Reasons You Feel Anxious All the Time My brain: I’m a writer, I’m an editor, I’m out of Pringles, and it’s Thursday. TAADAA
Title: There is an Ass on Every Corner My brain: Make the room stop spinning… ah the possibilities…
Title: Of All the Hills to Die On, the GOP Picked Donald Trump My brain: Of all the things to write about, DJT is the subject you chose.
Title: Rachel Oates Destroys Writing Dreams My brain: Hey! That’s my job!
Title: ‘All Men Are Created Equal’. What About Women? My brain: FK that. I want to be superior!
Title: How To Deal With Rejections My brain: Next!
Title: The Primary School Writing Advice That Helped Me Become a Writer My brain: “I” before “E” except after “C”.
Title: A Guys Guide To Apologizing My brain: Forgive me, Goddess. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
Title: The Clearest Path to Happiness Is Right in Front of You My brain: The entryway to the kitchen.
Title: How To Be Anonymous Online My brain: I don’t know about online but offline I have a PO Box and a burner phone.
Title: How I Doubled My Income Working Half the Hours My brain: Found a better corner?
Title: When Leaving Saves a Life My brain: Yeah, theirs.
Title: Think of Every Writing Submission as a Job Interview My brain: Beeeeeeeeeecause it is!
Title: How an Old Journalism Rule Made Me a Better Writer My brain: Who, What, Where, When, Why, How
Title: How I Finally Shut up My Inner Critic During Writing My brain: I shoved a cookie in her mouth :)
Title: How to Use Affirmations to Calm Anxiety and Focus Your Mind My brain: “Orange is not the new black. Orange is not the new black. Orange is not the new black. Orange is NOT the new black…”
Title: The Wilderness Belongs to the Weird My brain: Never been to an American city huh, Sparky?
Title: Are You Coming With Me? My brain: Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Yeah. No.
Title: A Progressive Parent’s Rant About the Politics Surrounding School Reopening My brain: Show me any parent on a rant about school’s reopening and I’ll show you a parent who’s had to have “quiet sex” for the last year.
Title: It Was Unlikely That Trump Would Be Convicted My brain: (as I shake a Magic 8 ball), “Please ask again later.”
Title: If You Can Do It Every Day, You’ll Be Enormously Successful My brain: Stay in your own lane and mind your own beeswax.
Title: 9 Easy Ways To Monetize Your Mindfulness My brain: You’re looking at it ;)
Title: Write Your Next Article as if It Was the Last Thing You Ever Wrote My brain: Uh oh…
Title: You Saved $250,000 — Now What? My brain: “Make check payable to Terry L. Cooper. That’s 2 “O”s and 1 “P”.
Title: Society’s Double Standards for Sexual Objectification of Men My brain: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. #oldschool
Title: The Love Lives of Roman Gladiators My brain: Oh shit. Am I old enough to even read this? O.o
Title: How to Recognize Misinformation and Stop Its Spread My brain: Read it out loud. If you lose IQ points, your ears bleed, and you feel ashamed, then it’s misinformation that you should probably keep to yourself.
Title: How to Recognize Misinformation and Stop Its Spread My brain: Flip your phone the bird every night after 5 and on the weekends.
Title: Where Did Tom, the Founder of Myspace, Bizarrely Vanish To? My brain: At this point? A retirement village more than likely.
Title: Five Things Happy People Have in Common According to Science My brain: Proper medication levels? O.o
Title: If You Want A Better Life, Don’t Fear Getting Older My brain: Says the 20something
Title: 3 Traits of a Secure Relationship My brain: Separate bank accounts, separate addresses, and separate drinking tabs at the local pub.
Title: How to Find Motivation to Change Your Life My brain: Receive a sufficient amount of rejection notices from various publishers.
Title: Writing on the Days You Feel Depressed My brain” “How to Write Sunday through Saturday”
Title: The Republicans Have Really Pissed Me Off My brain: Take a number.
Title: Stop Writing for Pennies My brain: Welp, there goes this platform.
Title: 4 Ways To Get Unstuck As A Writer My brain: Become a waiter
Title: Medium is the Social Network I was Looking For My brain: Oh, you poor thing… I’m sorry…
Title: Make Money Selling Your Content My brain: Kinda why we’re all here, isn’t it?
Title: 7 Tips For Writing About Academic Research On Medium My brain: Why would you want to? O.o
Title: The Secret To Grow Your Audience: Reading Reciprocity — You Can’t Skip This Step and Expect Success My brain: Mo-Fo mic drop right dare boi!!!