Sarcasm
Your Titles vs. My Brain
Part 1
Title: Three Things in Life That Aren’t Worth The Effort My brain reads: Things in Life That Aren’t Worth The Effort Also my brain: Marriage?
Title: Where All the People Who Left California Probably Went My brain: Um the other CA? (Canada)
Title: How to Start Writing a Novel as a Beginner My brain: Pick up the f&cking pen?
Title: How to Sell Your Products Or Services Without Being ‘Salesy’ My brain: Easy. Dress like a hooker.
Title: What I Learned About Writing After Reading 1,000 Short Stories Last Year My brain: You should have stopped at 10
Title: The Sad, Strange, and Sneaky World of Private Investigation My brain: Fabulous. Another side gig for stay-at-home moms a la 2021.
Title: A Flip-Through of My Writing Notebook My brain: Will land you in Sing-Sing.
Title: You Should Know This Before Joining the Silhouette Challenge My brain: Pfffttt I still haven’t done the Ice Bucket Challenge.
Title: How to Get Noticed by a Famous Celebrity on Twitter My brain: I’d want to ’cause why?
Title: Why Rich People Would Rather Give Than Receive My brain: I don’t think, “Give me, give me, give me” qualifies.
Title: How I Found My Voice as a Writer My brain: I started a side gig recording audiobooks, that’s how.
Title: How New Writers Can Responsibly Share Potentially Offensive or Triggering Content My brain: This is a test. This is only a test. If this had been an actual emergency you would have been instructed to…
Title: 9 Ways To Be A Ridiculously Productive Writer My brain: Step 1, Have one tab open only. Steps 2–9, see Step 1.
Title: 4 Difficult Personalities You Meet at Work Who Could Make You Rethink Your Job
My brain: Imma keep that shyt to mahself
Title: 10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re An INFJ, The World’s Rarest Personality Type
My brain: IDGAF
Title: There’s Actually No Good Reason for Us All to Go Back to the Office My brain: PREACH!!!!
Title: What People Are Really Doing When They Play Hard to Get My brain: “Buzz off” but they don’t want to make you cry.
Title: Africa is Planting Tens of Millions of Trees in the Desert. Here’s Why. My brain: ’Cause COVID. Everybody is bored sh*tless.
Title: How I Plan to Earn $10,850/Month Freelancing By the End of 2021 My brain: Pick up an extra shift on the street corner.
Title: This Is Your Brain on True Crime My brain: “Oh, look! Divorce Court is on!”
Title: That Colonoscopy You Dread Just Got a Lot Easier My brain: Yeah, ’cause I divorced the turd.
Title: Beware the Oblivious Narcissist My brain: Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Title: Exploring and Expanding My brain: When did we get the Playboy Channel? O.o
Title: Ancient Wisdom To Live Your Dream Life My brain: Never leave your parents house.
Title: I Haven’t Seen Any Friends In Person For One Year My brain: And I’m okay with that!
Title: Gossip: Why We Find Others’ Business Endlessly Fascinating My brain: Meh, not really.
Title: I Treat My Children Like An Important Client My brain: Because they are. #taxwriteoff
Title: Check Your Work for Plagiarism Before Submitting My brain: “How to cheat and get away with it”
Title: To Dazzle Your Readers, Delete the Udios My brain: If you stretch just a teeny bit further you can just about reach that dictionary over there.
Title: The $1B Reason That Febreze Abandoned Cat Ladies My brain: Sexism? #dogbros
Title: How To Grow Your Yoga Business to a Steady 4-Figure Income My brain: $99.99
Title: How to Become a Successful Content Creator While Still Working 9–5 My brain: Mainline Red Bull?
Title: What Steps Can You Take Toward Your Self-Improvement? My brain: Buy bigger bags of M&Ms. Fewer trips to the store that way.
Title: What’s in a name? My brain: (recent phone conversation), “No not Karen. T as in Tuesday. No. NO. No, my name is not Tuesday! sigh” #truestory
Title: A Writer’s Guide to Igniting Your Work My brain: It’s called a match.
Title: Why I Freelance Instead of Getting a “Real” Job My brain: Said no freelancer ever.
Title: An Engineer’s Guide to Saying No My brain: 01101110 01101111
Title: Just When I Thought I Was Getting My Shit Together My brain: I come up with this damned list.
Title: 10 Ways to Support Your Writing Habit My brain: And they’re all felonies.
Title: Time-Saving Hacks for Keeping Up Your Social Media Presence My brain: Hire a publicist.
Title: How to Live on Less than $400,000 a Year My brain: And for $399,999 I can tell you how.
Title: The Beauty of Our Weapons My brain: Time to sharpen my pencil.
Title: My Boyfriend Asked Me to Stop Shedding in his Immaculate Apartment My brain: I asked him to stop calling me his girlfriend.
Title: How do you stay hydrated and not live in the john? My brain: #Depends
Title: How Do I Make the Absolute Best Titles for My Writing? My brain: By consulting with your wife.
Title: 4 Things Millionaires Did Before 30 That Helped Them Build Wealth My brain: Married well.
Title: Respecting “To”: Why Infinitive Verbs Should Be Capitalized in Titles My brain: Get up off your lazy arse and grab the damn grammar book already!
Title: Growing Up in an All-Girls Convent My brain: AKA growing up on a farm in the middle of nowhere.
Title: What Is Capitalism? My brain: Give me 20 bucks and I’ll tell ya.
Title: Good Comedy Sometimes Makes Me Angry My brain: Yeah, I’m thinking this is going to piss a lot of people off.
Title: How to Know When to Quit My brain:
Thanks to Niklas Göke for that last one. Talk about impeccable timing!