Sarcasm
Your Titles vs. My Brain
Part 2
Your title: Losing Sleep Could Double Your Risk of Dementia My brain: Great. I’m screwed.
Your title: The Money Question: How do Self-Published Co-authors Split Royalties? My brain: 50/50?
Your title: Are We Masking the Problem by Calling Them a Narcissist? My brain: Because an @$$hole by any other name is still accurate.
Your title: How I Wrote 80,000 Words in 3 Months My brain: FK how. I want to know why??
Title: How To Make $1,000 From Your Existing Articles My brain: How to reheat leftovers in 3 easy steps
Title: How Men lost their Masculinity My brain: Easy. They discovered paraffin wax.
Title: 3 Ways To Identify A ChatBot On Linkedin My brain: “It’s Jake from State Farm. What are you wearing Jake from State Farm?”
Title: How to Become the Luckiest Writer You Know My brain: I click your Follow button.
Title: What Great Expectations Can Teach You About Writing Fiction My brain: Great expectations stopped at 30.
Title: What Is Love And Who Is My Neighbor? My brain: When you figure it out let me know.
Title: Can the War on Drugs be Solved by Legalising Drugs? My brain: Can drunk driving be solved by giving away a free 5th with every purchase of a new vehicle?
Title: Military Coups Can Halt Democracies My brain: So can obstinate spouses.
Title: According to Nancy Pelosi, We Need a “Strong” Republican Party My brain: English-to-English translation, “We need a GOP we can bend over willingly.”
Title: Why You Should Write About Topics You Don’t Care About My brain: Hell, I do that every day.
Title: 12 People Who Were Right All Along, But No One Believed Them My brain: And they were all women.
Title: History Shows Us Why a Vaccine Should Not Be Rushed My brain: I can think of a few other things that shouldn’t be rushed.
Title: Emancipate Your Creativity by Ditching Any Desire To Be the Best My brain: Done.
Title: “Valentine’s Day” Is A Horrible Movie My brain: Saw “horrible” and thought it was “horror”.
Title: Stop Seeing Fast Weight Loss As Aspirational My brain: Pass the M&Ms.
Title: What Will Happen When Queen Elizabeth II Dies? My brain: Funeral?
Title: Why It’s Okay to Be an Average Joe My brain: Or Joanne but you can call me Jo-Jo for short.
Title: How to Become the Main Character of Your Life My brain: Shyt, read this list!
Title: I Wish I Was a Braver Person (But I’m Often a Coward) My brain: I wish I was less “brave” since orange isn’t a good color for me.
Title: The Problem with Existence My brain: Everything?
Title: A Psychological Trick to Evoke An Interesting Conversation My brain: “Talk. Don’t talk. Doesn’t matter to me. I’m getting paid either way.” (Said no therapist ever.)
Title: How to Survive Valentine’s Day as a Single Woman My brain: It’s a day, not a zombie apocalypse.
Title: There Is Only One Reason Why You’re Actually Still Single My brain: ’Cause I wanna be.
Title: Does Personhood Confer Moral Value? My brain: How long has it been since you’ve picked up a newspaper?
Title: 3 Reasons to Finish the Story You’ve Started My brain: Eat your vegetables!
Title: Why Pleasing People Is the Act of Destroying Yourself My brain: Thank God I don’t have that problem!
Title: All I Want is a Love That Endures My brain: Buy the DVD collection of Twilight if that’s the case.
Title: Success Is a Big Heavy Machine My brain: Only in Home Depot.
Title: The Sex Room In My Garage Is Officially Closed My brain: Congratulations Neighborhood Watch. Job well done.
Title: 5 Unusual Things That Might Be Ruining Your Sleep My brain: I wonder if “writing dumbsh*t like this at 2 am?” made the cut…
Title: Your Writing Tells How Much of a Thinker You Are My brain: Uh oh…
Title: An 1889 Magazine Asked Single Women Why They Aren’t Married and Ouch, The Replies My brain: 132 years later and nothing has changed.
Title: Nobody Reads My brain: Because few write anything worth reading.
Title: YouTube’s Spammy Sex Bots Make a Ton of Money My brain: Because even in 2021, sex sells.
Title: This Is the Real Truth About the Dark Side of Mindfulness My brain: If you’re reading this list you already know the answer.
Title: How One Article Has Paid My Mortgage for the Last 23 Months My brain: Some loan officer just lost their job.
Title: 3 Ways to Save Yourself From the ‘Depressed Creative’ Cliché My brain: Eat chocolate and keep writing.
Title: How to Create a Writing Portfolio When You Have Zero Experience My brain: Hire a fiction writer.
Title: Timeless Wisdom for Now My brain: Um, if it’s “timeless” then why is it for now? O.o
Title: The System Isn’t Rigged. The System Is You. My brain: And another piece of the puzzle has been discovered.
Title: Blades of Grass My brain: Riding mower
Title: Giving Is a Nice Thing to Do Unless You Overdo It My brain: Thank God I don’t have that problem either.
Title: How I Spent 82,000 Minutes of My Year Doing Nothing My brain: If you read this far, 82,003
Title: Take What You Like and Leave the Rest My brain: Hot damn Bob’s Big Boy is back in town!!
Title: If Kids Knew How Screwed Up Adults Are They Wouldn’t Want to Grow Up So Quickly My brain: Oh they know. That’s why they don’t want to grow up.
Title: Things to Do Instead of Screaming on Social Media My brain: Turn on the news and scream at the TV instead.
Title: A Snowflake My brain: F*ck me! Is it an election year again already?!?!
Title: The Trouble with People My brain: Everything.
Title: How to Take Your Writing Less Seriously My brain: It gets worse than this listicle?
You can read Part 1 here. Part 3 is already in the making!