Self Improvement

Your Confidence Makes You So Attractive — until It Becomes Arrogance

Keep your confidence at the right dose to avoid becoming arrogant — and steer clear of getting the “narcissist” label.

What is the most attractive quality a person can possess? According to research and most people who live on Earth: Confidence.

When you’re being confident, you emit biological signals that show highly desirable traits which perceived as more important than outward appearance alone. That’s why confident people can create a magnetic aura that draws people in, regardless of their appearance.

And since 85% of people are lacking high self-esteem, people who have high levels of confidence naturally intrigued us.

However, in an era where most cultures encourage and reward self-promotion as the key to success, it can be hard to distinguish the line between confidence and arrogance.

I’ve seen confident people become arrogant and overconfident without realizing it. These days — where many people are suddenly psychologist experts who know everything about toxic people’s behavior from a single article they find on the internet — their overconfidence often led them to be labeled as “narcissists”, too.

Of course, no rational human being wants to get the “narcissistic personality disorder” as a diagnosis. It’s a way of objectifying a person which is not good — and not cool.

A study shows that overconfidence is strongly associated with narcissism. But narcissism itself lies along a spectrum; it’s not an all-or-none characteristic. A certain amount of narcissism is good for us, and having too little narcissism can also be harmful. That being said, it also requires a healthy dose of narcissism to boost confidence.

So now the question is, how much confidence does it take to not walk in the arrogance line, or to avoid being labeled as a narcissist?

The Keyline Between Confidence and Arrogance

Sometimes the difference between confidence and arrogance is subtle, but most of the time it’s pretty obvious.

To notice the difference, we can imagine a “keyline” between the two.

In graphic design, a keyline is a boundary line that separates monochromatic areas or differently colored areas of printing on a page.

Here, the “keyline” between confidence and arrogance is humility.

By definition, humility means freedom from pride or arrogance. Yet, as a flawed and imperfect human being, it’s very hard and rare to have pure humility in ourselves — also, let’s not pretend ego doesn't exist.

But is it true that humility is some kind of innocent virtue that only highly righteous individuals can possess?

Fortunately, no.

Many leadership experts claim that humility is a vital sense that authenticates a person’s humanity. Hence, we can see humility as the quality of being humble, which is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s importance.

In its simplest form, we can define humility as the willingness to learn; learning new knowledge, learning from our experiences, learning from others, learning to be a better human being, and consequently treat others as human beings, too.

The keyline between confidence and arrogance is humility, that is the willingness to learn to be a better human being, and consequently treat others as human beings, too.

Learning The Craftsmanship of Confidently Humble People

Knowing humility is the line between confidence and arrogance, now we can learn to be confidently humble. Yes, it is completely possible to have humility and confidence at the same time.

We’ve been led to believe that humility and confidence exist at opposite ends of the spectrum. Because of this misunderstanding, people commonly misinterpret humility as being too passive, submissive, or even insecure — but this couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Instead, humility means to be genuinely confident and competent in ourselves, that as a result, we use our maximum qualities to achieve what we want in life.

The craftsmanship of confidently humble people are:

• Having self-awareness, knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses
• Appreciating the strengths and contributions of others
• Having an openness to new ideas and feedback regarding one’s performance.

Cultivating The Key Qualities of Confidently Humble People

In his book Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control, psychologist Albert Bandura explained that confidence, more than any other self quality, contributes to positive outcomes when pursuing goals.

Confidence is also said to be an attractive quality. Attractive people might be more confident, yet ironically, not every confident person realized their attractiveness.

A new study found that (un)attractive people are unaware of their (un)attractiveness. Even though we’re not aiming to be unattractive, most of us are subconsciously turning a blind eye to the quality of ourselves in terms of being attractive — which can affect our confidence.

Therefore, by being confidently humble, we can learn to be more aware of our self qualities while simultaneously trying to have a healthy dose of confidence.

Here are some key qualities of confidently humble people that we can apply in our lives:

1 — They have high curiosity

What makes confidently humble people so captivating? The answer is curiosity. These people are interesting because they are always excited to explore the world, they are curious more than anything else and their energy radiates outward.

2 — They listen ten times more than they speak

Confidently humble people are good listeners and excellent observers. They precede the knowledge, opinions, and values of others. Why? Because they already know what they think, thus, they want to know what you think. Put it in statistics: they listen ten times more than they speak.

3 — They don’t “show off” unless it’s necessary

Confidently humble people know their strengths and capabilities, but don’t show them off unless it’s really necessary. They understand the art of balancing self-control with calmness. They speak when it’s really necessary, or when people directly ask for their opinion.

4 — Their confidence is contagious

Confidently humble people let others shine and give them a confidence boost, which also helps other people become confident, too. Their confidence is quiet — but it’s ingeniously shown. They stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others.

5 — They make others feel appreciated

Confidently humble people place themselves on the same level as other people — not above, or below them. And that’s what makes them transparently make other people feel important and appreciated. They make others want to be around them and strive for a deeper connection.

6 — They seek feedback from others

They acknowledge that they are not always right and that they don’t have all the answers. Thus, they seek feedback from others and constantly review their actions against the language of pride; always remember the fact that their opinions or decisions can be wrong, too.

Being confidently humble means believing in yourself to your full potential while still staying grounded.

Final Insights

Researchers have consistently found a positive correlation between confidence and success. But too much self-confidence can make us arrogant, entitled, and too self-absorbed that we lose sight of others.

Therefore, a way to distinguish arrogance from true confidence is by practicing humility and learning to be a confidently humble person. Being confidently humble means identifying your values and knowing that your values do not decrease the values of others.

By understanding the qualities of confidently humble people, we can learn to keep our confidence at the right dose. In the end, it can help us avoid becoming arrogant and hopefully — steer us away from getting the unnecessary “narcissist” label.

‘Better Advice’ free email advice each week

When you sign up using this link, we’ll send you tips on how to unlock your hidden treasure of potential.