You Need To Put Yourself First in Your Marriage

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ict:</b> Once the resentment sets in, it begins to creep into conversations without you even realizing it. Before you know, a discussion changes to an argument, an argument to a debate, and a debate to a conflict. A conflict of choice, a conflict of desires, and a conflict of thoughts.</li><li><b>To avoid heartache:</b> If appropriate action would not be taken in the first two phases, then heartache is bound to happen. Heartache arises from the realization that your partner and you are not compatible in your thoughts or needs; Or that what you expected from your partner vs. what you received does not sync up.</li><li><b>To avoid infidelity: </b>Two most common reasons for infidelity are, lust and feeling of neglect. Neglect is what you end up feeling when you realize your partner’s needs are taken care of, while your’s have gone to the back burner. Neglect leads to the feeling of loneliness, underappreciation, irrelevance, and in some cases even the feeling of growing old. This is the reason why people seek love elsewhere; Every human being thrives on love and if they can’t get it from their partner or themself then how can one feel validated?</li></ul><figure id="7633"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*ZOIaI8fP2IB3XUbG"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@timmossholder?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Tim Mossholder</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="53e8"><b>It is never too late, if I can start after being with the same man for 10 years, then you can too! Here is how you can.</b></p><ul><li><i>Self-introspect.</i> Looking within will help you find all the answers you seek, talk to yourself and understand your needs. Think of why, and how did your concerns/ problems begin? Self-introspection is the first step towards self-love. If you love yourself truly, only then can you love another freely.</li><li><i>Communicate.</i> In every marriage, communication plays a pivotal role. You need to have an open and honest two-way dialogue with your spouse, let them know what you’re feeling. Trust me, I speak from personal experience, lack of honesty and whole-hearted conversation is where the cookie begins to crumble. Often enough your spouse won’t even be privy to what you felt, since you never shared it with them. So, communicate.</li><li><i>Take a chance on love.</i> When in doubt, recall the vows you said, the memories you shared, the first time you knew that he/she/they were the one. Do not give up, as you learn to prioritize yourself as your spouse t

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o do that too. It goes both ways, both of you need to acknowledge your needs first in order to truly love one another. So, take a chance on love!</li></ul><p id="ef63">Xo, Aakriti.</p><blockquote id="9b7d"><p>Thank you for reading my story. If you enjoyed reading my story, you can <a href="https://medium.com/@aakritihiteshi/membership">join Medium using this link</a> at a minimal cost of $5 per month, and gain unlimited access to numerous other writers!<b> If you use my sign-up link, I’ll earn a minuscule commission at no extra cost to you, which would support me immensely in my writing journey.</b></p></blockquote><p id="c5ce">Below is a selection of my writings, that you might enjoy as well. Happy reading!</p><div id="956c" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/in-stars-she-believed-846e3fa4292d"> <div> <div> <h2>In Stars, She Believed</h2> <div><h3>Light as a feather she used to tread, Singing ballads of romances she had read. She lived across the boy with the…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*QLDxAIRD2ZBq2Tzc)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c1d4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/brazilian-wax-do-it-for-you-not-for-him-ea849c7d6bc6"> <div> <div> <h2>Brazilian Wax: Do It For You, Not For Him!</h2> <div><h3>It’s self-love, it’s therapeutic, it’s happiness, and it’s love at first touch!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*QCjruOeGM3SneMQu)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="1af8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/love-is-a-relentless-partner-who-refuses-to-give-up-14ecaa6acf81"> <div> <div> <h2>Love Is, A Relentless Partner Who Refuses To Give-up</h2> <div><h3>For better, for worse, through health, through sickness.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*FXYyxyTCbfo6t4WN)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Dear husband, I love you but I need to love me more.

I have been married for 6 years, and it is only lately that I have realized that I am no longer my priority. I love my husband, and he is the center of my universe. My life revolves around him and his happiness, however, this has led me to neglect myself. If I do not love myself enough, invest in my choices, prioritize my likes and dislikes, then how will I ever love him truly? For every choice I make against me, it is a choice I make against us. Every time I decide to order-in Italian (because that’s what he likes), I chose to go to bed partially hungry and emotionally disgruntled — with no fault of his. While I do it for him, I also end up blaming him subconsciously, and that is the recipe for disaster.

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” — Robert Holden

My mother always taught me, that loving yourself is the best form of love. If one doesn’t prioritize themself, they choose to ignore their needs and feelings, which in return leads to an emotional and chemical disbalance in our bodies. Which entails arguments, suspicions, doubts, and thereby a failed marriage. Thus, to save me from the heartache I am choosing to love myself more, more than I love my partner. And, you can too. It is healthy, and it is the right thing to do especially when the weight of the pandemic adds pressure to other facades of a relationship.

4 reasons why you need to put yourself first.

To avoid resentment: When you chose to listen to yourself and make choices that benefit your personal agenda, that is when you achieve your goals and feel accomplished. However, if you put yourself second you also put your dreams and aspirations on hold to make way for your partner’s needs. You do this because you love them, but in the long run, you end up losing that precious time and thereby your dreams. At the end of it all, while you would applaud your partner, you would unconsciously begin to fester resentment for what “could have been” and/or “should have been”.

To avoid conflict: Once the resentment sets in, it begins to creep into conversations without you even realizing it. Before you know, a discussion changes to an argument, an argument to a debate, and a debate to a conflict. A conflict of choice, a conflict of desires, and a conflict of thoughts.

To avoid heartache: If appropriate action would not be taken in the first two phases, then heartache is bound to happen. Heartache arises from the realization that your partner and you are not compatible in your thoughts or needs; Or that what you expected from your partner vs. what you received does not sync up.

To avoid infidelity: Two most common reasons for infidelity are, lust and feeling of neglect. Neglect is what you end up feeling when you realize your partner’s needs are taken care of, while your’s have gone to the back burner. Neglect leads to the feeling of loneliness, underappreciation, irrelevance, and in some cases even the feeling of growing old. This is the reason why people seek love elsewhere; Every human being thrives on love and if they can’t get it from their partner or themself then how can one feel validated?

It is never too late, if I can start after being with the same man for 10 years, then you can too! Here is how you can.

Self-introspect. Looking within will help you find all the answers you seek, talk to yourself and understand your needs. Think of why, and how did your concerns/ problems begin? Self-introspection is the first step towards self-love. If you love yourself truly, only then can you love another freely.

Communicate. In every marriage, communication plays a pivotal role. You need to have an open and honest two-way dialogue with your spouse, let them know what you’re feeling. Trust me, I speak from personal experience, lack of honesty and whole-hearted conversation is where the cookie begins to crumble. Often enough your spouse won’t even be privy to what you felt, since you never shared it with them. So, communicate.

Take a chance on love. When in doubt, recall the vows you said, the memories you shared, the first time you knew that he/she/they were the one. Do not give up, as you learn to prioritize yourself as your spouse to do that too. It goes both ways, both of you need to acknowledge your needs first in order to truly love one another. So, take a chance on love!

Xo, Aakriti.

Thank you for reading my story. If you enjoyed reading my story, you can join Medium using this link at a minimal cost of $5 per month, and gain unlimited access to numerous other writers! If you use my sign-up link, I’ll earn a minuscule commission at no extra cost to you, which would support me immensely in my writing journey.

Below is a selection of my writings, that you might enjoy as well. Happy reading!