You Need To Let Go of The Illusion of Control.

Ongoing events in my life are teaching me there's very little we control.

In my previous two blogs, I mentioned how I'm going through challenges at my job that have led me to lose a good chunk of my income.

Needless to say, the situation has been very frustrating.

Being in the middle of it is teaching me an important lesson — I cannot control how others respond. I can only control how I respond.

This issue could have been easily avoided, but things have escalated because the people involved have tempers, egos, pride, etc.

I'm a recovering perfectionist and control freak, and this situation has truly challenged me.

I've spent a good chunk of time in my mind trying to re-draw or re-create people's reactions, conversations, decisions, etc.

This is a huge waste of time.

At this point, I can only accept the outcome, pick up the pieces, and keep moving forward.

Easier said than done, though.

My old habits keep trying to pull me back into the cycle of re-living the event, re-acting it in my mind, and feeling like crap all over again because things didn't turn out how I wanted them to.

My growth in letting go of trying to control everything comes from my faith— I'm Christian.

And in these moments, because my situation feels pretty bleak, I'm having a hard time letting Jesus take the wheel and do his job.

Us control freaks will always struggle with this, but we can definitely get better at it.

But that's the hardest part — to stop ourselves from falling into the abyss of wishing we could control everything so things are favorable for us.

The real problem is thinking that somehow, someway, we can manipulate conversations, events, and reactions.

If we do not work on dismantling this lie, we will always see ourselves as victims.

And boy, did I play the victim card hard this time.

Although what happened to me wasn't fair, I held on to my anger and frustration too tightly.

I took it out on those around me and created a sour environment because I couldn't get past my victim mentality.

I'm not saying it's not okay to feel bad, be angry, or express your frustration. We're human, and expressing our emotions is part of life.

But if we're constantly going back, re-living the event, reminding others that what happened to us wasn't fair or that we didn't deserve it, as true as this may be, it's not gonna change anything.

This was a hard pill to swallow, and I had to shove my ego aside and apologize to my partner for taking out too much of my frustrations on him.

As I said, the only thing we can control in any situation is how we respond to what's happening.

And I certainly learned a lesson this time that I wanted to share with you all because something like this will happen again. Guaranteed.

Life will always bring us challenges and obstacles.

Instead of looking at this from the perspective that life is a hard, terrible, and always an uphill battle, I choose to think that God uses these situations to teach us lessons that will help shape us into the people we need to become to carry out our purpose on this earth.

I'm learning there's a refining process, like how a diamond is shaped by having tons and tons of pressure on it for a long period of time.

We go through something similar. If we allow the process to take its course, we will come out hard and tough but also shining and unique.

So, to make this process easier for yourself, avoid falling into the trap that you can control more than yourself.

You can't.

If you try, that's manipulation, and that always comes back to haunt you one way or the other, so I don't recommend it.

I hope this helps you if you're going through a similar situation.

And if you're comfortable sharing, what were some unfair or difficult circumstances you've faced, and what have you learned from them?