You Need To Accept All Parts of You (Including the Messy Parts)

Why your messy parts are worth celebrating.

“What do you mean, you don’t have it?” a new client we’ll call Karen was giving my boss the what for. “I left it here two weeks ago.”

Both my boss and I were confused.

She’s the type of client you can’t easily forget, and neither of us remembered her coming in. Yet, Karen insisted we had her paperwork, and even worst, implied we lost it.

We pride ourselves on our organizational skills and for prompt turnaround times for our clients. Files never go missing. Never.

Karen refused to believe she was wrong, so my boss calmed her by saying we would make a thorough search of our office.

Before she left, I heard my boss telling her, “You don’t understand. Scott is one of the most anal people I know. He doesn’t lose things.”

Karen huffed out the door, and then we were alone again.

“It’s a form of human love to accept our complicated, messy humanity and not run away from it.”

— Martha Nussbaum

An Apology

A few minutes later, my boss poked his head through my office door.

“I don’t know if you heard what I said…,” he started. “But I need to apologize.”

I simply laughed. I told him there was no reason to apologize, because what he said was true.

Maybe it’s not the way I would describe myself, but I am strict about office organization. I’ve set up checklists and file organizers for most of the work we do. Everything has a place, and the workflows keep our train from going off the rails during the chaos of tax season.

For years, I tried to hide the perfectionist part of me. My insistence on order felt like a flaw, so I fought against it.

Then I realized my desire for order is part of what makes me a valuable employee.

Organization

I know where my current files are and what needs to be done because I have systems in place. My intense need for order helps me to get everything done on time.

What my boss said didn’t bother me because I’ve learned to accept that part of myself. When I try to be less strict, I always regret it. Without my lists and assigned file boxes, work gets missed, and then I have Karens with legitimate complaints.

So I stopped trying to change it.

There are worse things than being excessively organized. I accept the rule-follower in my mind that barks orders to keep things on track.

If people want to make fun of my systems, it doesn’t bother me. It’s who I am, and I’m slowly learning to accept all the parts of me — even the messy parts.

Accept All of You

It’s a challenge to accept the parts of yourself you don’t like or find embarrassing.

You may build up scenes in your head where others pick on you for your flaws, and it can cause you to hide more of yourself.

In a desire to please others, some walk away from the pieces of them that make them unique. They want to appear normal, so they stop anything that makes them appear different.

If that’s you — it was me for a long time — it’s time to move forward. Those messy parts make you who you are. It’s those cracks and wild hairs that make you unique. Your messy parts are what makes you special.

For today, think about things people might say to make fun of you. Whether it’s good clean fun or a hateful dig, think about whether the comment is true.

Push any negative emotions aside and look at yourself realistically. If it’s true, is it something you can accept?

When you learn to own all the pieces of you — even the messiest parts — then you learn to live your best life. You may be beautifully broken, but there’s no one else like you, so own every piece of you.

As for Karen, she called me later that afternoon to apologize. She found the missing paperwork on her desk at home.

My need for orderliness won again.

Time to Write

Set aside a few minutes today to explore your messiness. Use these writing prompts as your guide.

Journal Prompt: What’s a part of you that you sometimes hide from the world? What would happen if you accepted it as part of who you are? Explore your feelings on a journal page.

Creative Writing Prompt: Write a story about a messy person. You can choose where the mess shows up, whether it’s the way they keep their house, their work history, or their rollercoaster romantic life. Explore their messiness and write about a life-changing event in their story that leads to acceptance.

Until next time, keep fighting.