Relationships/Psychology

You Might Be Dating a “Fun-Bobby,” If These 9 Things Ring True

#3 says it all.

Erin King is the author of How To Be Wise AF: A 30-day journalling adventure to your inner Guru.

Everyone remembers the Friends episode with “Fun-Bobby.” Monica was dating a guy that was super fun and chill. Everything was going great until they realized he was an alcoholic.

While the premise makes for prime-time hilarity, in real life it’s not so great.

How do I know?

When I was 27, I dated my very own Fun-Bobby.

He was burly, sweet, and unpretentious. He’d sit at my bar, and we’d chat all night.

After I finished work, we’d go back to his place for a few cocktails.

I was a hard drinker back then. My claim to fame was that I drank everything neat and could go shot for shot with any guy in the room.

I was happy to meet someone who could keep up with me.

I’d get blackout drunk regularly, but it never occurred to me that it was anything more than being a young musician living the dream.

After all, I never missed work, and if I was performing, I’d wait until after the show to drink. My drinking was a choice. It was my “thing,” part of my edgy persona.

For six months, I “dated” this guy who never introduced me to his kids or any of his friends. I’d go home with him after my shift. We’d drink, pass out and then have breakfast in the morning — but never anything beyond that.

It took me six months to realize that he was an alcoholic, and his drinking was more than just a bit of fun.

If you like a cocktail or two, and you’re super social, these “fun Bobby” types can easily slip under your radar.

In the spirit of saving you 6 months you can never get back, here’s a list of things I noticed this guy could and couldn’t do.

P.S. If you find that you do a bunch of these things, you might be the Fun-Bobby in your relationship.

How to tell if someone is a Fun-Bobby (or Fun-Barbie):

1. He doesn’t want to do everyday stuff with you: He doesn’t want to go to dinner or a movie. He doesn’t want to have coffee or sit around and hang out without cocktails involved.

2. He doesn’t show up to do things that don’t involve alcohol: He might say he’ll meet you for coffee or come to your parent’s house for dinner, but when the time comes, he cancels or just doesn’t show.

3. He’s not so fun in real life: When you’re out drinking, he’s super fun, funny, attentive, and affectionate. When you’re just doing regular stuff with no booze involved, he’s moody, defensive, aggressive, and preoccupied.

4. He always shows up at the end of the night: If you work in a bar, he’ll come for a few drinks at the end of the night (probably already drunk) and wait for you, but he won’t meet you after your day shift. If you’re at a club, he’ll say he’ll come out with you and your friends, but he’ll keep you hanging on until the very end of the night, and then he’ll show up just as it’s time to leave.

5. If he stays over, he’ll do hangover activities but nothing beyond that: He’ll go out for breakfast and a little hair of the dog, but as soon as the buzz wears off, he’s gone.

6. He won’t socialize with your friends: If you’re having a movie night, Oscar party, or birthday party for anyone he doesn’t know, he won’t come. If you’re having a dinner party with a civilized amount of drinking (think one or two glasses of wine with dinner), he won’t be attending.

7. He won’t meet your family.

8. Your activities with him are built around you and him drinking, and that’s it.

9. He won’t introduce you to his family.

So if you want lasting love or a real relationship, the partier in your life probably isn’t your best bet.

When I was a serial partier, I wasn’t good relationship material. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t attract a nice, normal guy, but in retrospect, I know exactly why that was. Because I wasn’t stable or happy. I was pretending to be cool so I’d have an excuse to self-medicate with impunity.

Anybody healthy could see that and kept their distance.

Someone who self-medicates that much is probably trying to mask some pain or trauma in their life and isn’t ready to face it.

Although unconditional love is healing (my own husband has been the most significant healing influence in my life), it’s a catch 22.

That person needs to start their own healing first before you can be part of it.

If you get involved with someone out of control because you want to fix them, be careful. It’s more likely that you’ll get drawn into their dysfunction than you’ll be able to reach and fix them. (Not impossible, just unlikely.)

Even if they’re on a healing journey, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to open themselves up to the love you have to give.

So if you have a fun Bobby or Barbie in your life, the best thing to do might be to walk away and save yourself the heartache.

Because the sad fact is Fun-Bobby isn’t much fun unless he’s partying.

If this list has shown you that you’re the fun one in the relationship, consider yourself lucky. The first step to solving any problem is recognizing and accepting you have one.

Thanks for reading! 😊

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