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Abstract

omen’s movements advocating for gender equality in an intersectional way, where feminism should meet the experiences of this demographic of women, is at her intersection of <b><i>culture</i></b>, race, and gender oppression that is at a cross-road with the traditional, white, female-focused movement in the first (1840–1920), second (1962–1980s), and possibly arguably even third (1990s) <a href="https://www.history.com/news/feminism-four-waves">waves of feminism</a> that mainly all focused on the experiences of oppression from a predominantly western white female perspective alone.</p><h1 id="034e">Female Gender Oppression: Population Control via The Medical Profession</h1><p id="531d">Kim Jiyoung’s friend falls pregnant, and what a drama it caused; this was around the time when the government implemented “birth control” policies they called “family planning.” Abortion was legal for medical related reasons. What if I told you that being born female was also considered a “medical problem” and a reason for her friend to consider abortion? And clearly some medical professionals felt the same way. The author cites this as a common dilemma for women throughout the 1980s-1990s. While the author does not go deep into this subject as part of the plot, I did do some investigation myself into this. According to the <i>Feminist Majority’s</i> short report they released in <a href="https://feminist.org/news/korean-women-pressured-to-abort-girl-babies-to-try-for-sons/">January 1997</a> they confirmed that:</p><blockquote id="cdaa"><p>“Although fetal sex identification and abortion are against the law in South Korea, women continue to feel pressure to abort girl fetuses in order to try for sons.”</p></blockquote><p id="5cf4">Also</p><blockquote id="fe88"><p>“Compared to a natural ratio of 105 boys born for every 100 girls (which later evens out to 1:1 since boys die earlier), some regions in South Korea have rates of 125 boys born to every 100 girls resulting in 30,000 fewer girls born each year than would be the case without sex-influenced abortions.”</p></blockquote><p id="9143">And</p><blockquote id="41f7"><p>“A Chinese government report in 1992 found the ratio in China at 118.5 boys to 100 girls, statistics which embarrassed the government enough that it never formally released the results.”</p></blockquote><p id="9f55">When looking the pressure Korean women face to have sons, taking a simple glance at the birth rate ratio would lead a critical mind to see the ratio supports the argument that the medical profession had what I would call “a silent compliance” to help embed and maintain female oppression, by aborting female babies. Sure, no doctor with his or her head on straight will announce to the world, “come to me for female terminations, I’ll gladly help you.” But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t going on. The stats on the birth rate ratio show that at this point in time, in the nineties when the rates were released, female terminations must have been carried out at a high rate.</p><p id="1f4d">What is key to note about the male to female birth rate ratio is: any parent will probably remember the scan they were given when their fetus was eighteen to twenty weeks old. Around this time, when you’re offered a nice photo of the baby, you can also <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/when-can-you-find-out-sex-of-baby#medical-tests">learn the sex of the baby</a>. For the Korean women it’s at this point that terminations logically must have been happening for females babies. This is as late as five months into pregnancy; abortions done then come with a higher risk to the mother as stated in the research done by <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9614144/"><i>Frontiers in Women’s Global Health’s</i></a><i> </i>2022 study across southern Ethiopia. Their report asserts that:</p><blockquote id="eb57"><p>“Second-trimester abortion accounts for 10–15% of all induced abortions, with varying rates across countries, and is responsible for two-thirds of major abortion complications. It is also associated with higher medical costs, morbidity, and mortality rates than first-trimester abortion.”</p></blockquote><p id="e44f">With only 10–15 % as a norm for abortions at this stage, we can assume it’s not the norm globally. The <a href="http://aidtowomencenter.org/abortion-secondtrimester"><i>Aid to Women Centre</i></a> also cites a lot of risks and complications post abortion for women who have second trimester abortions. The Korean women have been subjected to a health risk, for the sake of maintaining their cultural patriarchy, which is not something we see a lot of for the western woman, in western culture.</p><p id="d54f">If we further compare the western gender oppression to the Koren women’s via the outcomes for female babies, and the medical profession’s willingness to partake in oppression, and lastly the health risk of a woman choosing late termination (even if the practice was more common in the eighties-nineties), you see that this type of oppression is not a cultural norm in the west. It could be argued that pressure should be placed on the Korean medical profession for better regulation of abortion practices.</p><p id="67d5">For Korean women their intersection of cultural oppression includes a key aspect western woman do not have. Which is: from the womb, females leave a bad taste in society’s mouth. Whether you have a girl or a boy, generally speaking, for the western woman it is a cause for celebration, not abortion.</p><figure id="d363"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*i1XzuPmk2jAonENWjAYxTA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@thatsherbusiness?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">That’s Her Business</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/white-ceramic-mug-on-white-ceramic-plate-8KHPeh9mNvs?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h1 id="3e35">The Role of Korean Women: Their ‘Double Jeopardy’ and Work</h1><p id="a483">Being a woman with another characteristic that can be used for oppression (such as race or class), has been defined as ‘a double jeopardy’ by the black feminist Frances. M. Beal, in her work <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_Jeopardy:_To_Be_Black_and_Female"><i>Double Jeopardy: To Be Black and Female (1969)</i></a><i>. </i>In relation to the Korean woman, her double jeopardy is being female and living in a <b>culture which defines her role in a specific way</b>. Korean females are often not shunned for working or discouraged from working. In the west, the “right to work” caused a ruckus from predominantly white women in the second wave (1963–1980s) of feminism, against white men’s oppression. But the Korean woman is often expected to work, not for herself but to support the males in her family so that <b>they can progress</b> in life. Woman will work in substandard conditions with risks to their health, for terrible wages, to gain a few pennies to rub together in the contribution pot of male success. In <i>Kim Jiyong, Born in 1982, </i>the author writes:</p><blockquote id="b3ac"><p>“This was at a time when people believed it was up to the <b>sons</b> to bring honour and success to the family. The family’s wealth and happiness <b>hinged upon male</b> success. The <b>daughters</b> gladly supported the male siblings.”</p></blockquote><p id="e10a">This narrative comes in a scene where we see a Korean lady struggling with work to provide for a man and fulfill her cultural duty. Yet she could not dream for herself, and she could not be a success, and she could not work in the profession of her own desire.</p><p id="f2e2">Where culture meets feminism from this angle of work and roles in society, is a need to recognise the “double jeopardy” for Korean women — that is focused on <b>cultural roles and norms</b> for her as a woman in the world of work. Outside of being white and female, the cultural roles for women often do look very different for the black, brown, and minority woman; I have said this before and will keep saying it.</p><p id="bac4">The Korean woman is in a similar position of not being able to pursue her dream of her ideal career, just like white feminists fought for the right to work against white men. However, what is unique to women in different communities is that it is <b>a necessity for them to work and they are expected to</b>, <b>but not for them</b>, for the <b>patriarchy</b>, in the context of Korean women. For black women this looks different which I do plan to write about in a future story. Sticking to the Korean women’s plight and experience, now, if this is not oppression worth noting, or checking the patriarchy’s behaviour to show them how it damages the Korean women, then I don’t know what is.</p><p id="f1a9" type="7">Where culture meets feminism from this angle of work and roles in society, is a need to recognise the “double jeopardy” for Korean women</p><h1 id="7d11">Education of Korean Girls and Women</h1><p id="7ff4">In addition to being expected to work minor jobs to support the patriarchy, the Korean woman’s education is sacrificed. Boys are prepared for school with the right equipment, books, lunches etc., as mentioned earlier. Later on, when it comes to further education, boys are encouraged to attend higher education to access the degrees that will land them high paying jobs. While girls are not put in this position, but it’s fine for them to work on lower paying jobs, in risky environments, to support this cultural norm and the patriarchy. If you’re a woman in the west, tell me: when was the last time this was expected of you, as a woman?</p><h1 id="3ac5">How Cultural Oppression Embraces Sexual and Physical Harassment</h1><p id="7490">One of the most heartbreaking things about the cultural oppression Korean women face, for me as a reader of the author’s work, was how vivid it was that sexual and physical harassment is something Korean girls should just get used to. It appeared to be a cultural norm, something that starts from an early age and doubles down on the learning Korean girls gain around their status being lower than boys.</p><p id="fe7a">It appears that if a girl or woman is a victim, she is questioned over what she possibly could have done to bring the assault on herself. We do see this today in the western culture at times; it would be a lie to say we don’t.</p><p id="a618">The difference is when comparing the western woman’s potential experience of the doubt around her experiences, and the Korean woman’s, culturally it seems more acceptable to disbelieve a Korean woman. Also, it’s more culturally acceptable to physically/sexually harass women. For women, it’s almost like harassment is an expected life experience that is a woman’s responsibility to avoid.</p><p id="669c">One of the most dramatic examples of this embedded culture was while Kim Jiyoung was at school. She was bullied by a boy, and the teacher blamed her. The truth only came out when another young girl was brave enough to raise her hand and say what she saw. Later on, we follow young Kim Jiyong’s story as she makes her way home from school. A boy follows her, and even attempts to intimidate her with sexual advances on the bus. Her father’s response is to ask her, “what did you do?” for her to bring on his attack.</p><p id="4479"><a href="http://dis.hanyang.ac.kr/lyceum-vol-1/sexual-harassment-in-south-korea/"><i>The Hangyang Dis Division of International Studies</i></a> backs up the ex

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periences of Kim Jiyoung; they reported in 2018:</p><ul><li>a sexual assault is reported across south Korea at a rate of 3 cases an hour.</li><li>98% of assaulters being men, and 86% of victims being women.</li><li>One of the most common places of assault happening in the workplace.</li></ul><p id="cca9"><a href="http://dis.hanyang.ac.kr/lyceum-vol-1/sexual-harassment-in-south-korea/">The <i>Hangyang Dis Division of International Studies </i></a>also says in their report:</p><blockquote id="cdd6"><p>“Before you ask yourself why these women don’t speak-out, you must first understand the culture background of their society.”</p></blockquote><p id="1008">Supporting the last point above, we see workplace sexual harassment when Kim Jiyoung enters the world of work, in the field of marketing. A male security guard takes it upon himself to install secret cameras in one female toilet, then uploads the images to a pornographic site. He shares his assault with other men in the workplace, the cat is only let out of the bag when the word reached Kim Jiyoung’s female friend via her boyfriend — who warned her to use a different bathroom. The women engage in sexual assault litigation against the company; then the male CEO of the company responds to the women who were victims of the pornographic website experience:</p><blockquote id="62fc"><p>“It’ll ruin this company’s reputation if word gets around in the field, The accused male employees have families and parents to protect, too. Do you really want to destroy people’s lives like this?”</p></blockquote><p id="3a9e">What we see here is sexual harassment at its finest, with a spoonful of misogyny mixed in. It could be argued that any boss would respond like this, especially a male boss, to protect their company. Yet the men themselves who were part of the sexual assault admitted what they did but see no wrongdoing — that’s the cultural dynamic around overlooking women and sexual assault the <i>Hangyang Dis Division of International Studies</i> is probably referring to in their citation about understanding culture, above.</p><p id="7201">When compared to western culture, this is not something that would be taken as lightly. It could even be argued that a CEO (for the good of their company) is more likely to disassociate with the offenders of sexual assault to protect their brand. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Combs">Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs,</a> the American rapper who currently at the time of writing has <a href="https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2023-12-06/sean-diddy-combs-sexual-assault-harve-pierre-fourth-woman">four sexual assault</a> cases against him, has been dropped from all of his lucrative money making deals by big companies. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell_Brand">Russell Brand,</a> who is also caught up in sexual assault cases, lost his <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2023/sep/19/youtube-suspends-russell-brand-revenues-channel">YouTube monetised channels</a>, and <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Majors">Jonathan Majors</a> was <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/jonathan-majors-assault-projects-dropped-b2324039.html">dropped from his acting roles</a> due to his accusations of sexual assault; this has all happened in 2023 at the time of writing this. In the west what we see here is a different response to women’s sexual assault. We have a “cancel culture” for men. Korean has a “what did we really do wrong? You can’t cancel us” culture. For the fourth wave feminist, this is something to challenge when culture meets feminism. The patriarchy needs checking around their handling — literally of women and their bodies, which they feel are free to access for all.</p><figure id="550f"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*fuRradtidxYvIirUNUppbg.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sandym10?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Sandy Millar</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/gold-wedding-band-on-white-textile-8vaQKYnawHw?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h1 id="afc3">About Married Life and Korean Women’s Oppression</h1><p id="736c">For the Korean woman, she is often forced to give up work (if she has been lucky enough to find it), once she gets married. The pressure to get married is high, and her choice between work, marriage, and children is due to cultural expectations; this is not a woman who can have it all in any way shape or form. Once a woman is married it is an expectation, demand, and almost her duty to now start popping out babies — that are male, mind you. So that he can “bring the success, prosperity, and respect to the family,” as mentioned earlier.</p><p id="f56f">It was around 2014 when Kim Jiyoung finally secured work, battling through the sexism she faced as a Korean woman, which I deep dive into in my essay, <a href="https://readmedium.com/is-feminism-to-blame-for-korean-women-taking-down-the-patriarchy-870090bcc034?sk=ab5fcd0da5d394069b13b6107ad7dbe3"><i>Is Feminism to Blame For Korean Women Taking Down The Patriarchy</i></a><i>. </i>Then Kim Jiyoung left work, just as one in five Korean women quit their job citing: marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and care, or the education of their younger children, according to <a href="https://eng.kwdi.re.kr/inc/download.do?ut=A&upIdx=101628&no=1"><i>Women’s Lives Through Statistics in 2015, Statistics Korea</i></a><i>. </i>Around the time Kim Jiyong was faced with life changes the author asserted that:</p><blockquote id="fe06"><p>“The workforce participation rate of Korean women decreases significantly before and after childbirth. Its percentage starts at 63.8% for women aged twenty and twenty-nine, drops to 58% for women aged thirty to thirty-nine.”</p></blockquote><p id="da10">What this shows is that when culture meets feminism in this area for women, there is greater pressure, expectation, and demand for them to leave work to have male children, and if they do return to work after birth — to work to support their son’s progression. The latter, the author demonstrates, often means taking a lower paying job and giving up a career. Kim Jiyoung went from being a marketing executive in a male, sexist, environment — but she made it! — to considering part-time work in an ice cream parlour. This expectation is not a cultural norm for many of us western women, but one we need to be sensitive to, if we are to be inclusive female advocates.</p><p id="c887">Husbands also add to this pressure to leave work but fail to see what their wives are giving up. This plays out for readers clearly when married Kim Jiyoung is pressured by in-laws to have a child, then discusses it with her husband. They have barely been married five minutes at this point:</p><blockquote id="0c7b"><p>“And what will you be giving up <i>Oppa</i>?</p></blockquote><blockquote id="844d"><p>“What?”</p></blockquote><blockquote id="5852"><p>“You said don’t just think about what I’ll be giving up. I’m putting my youth, health, job, colleagues, social networks, career plans, and future on the line. No wonder all I can think about are the things I’m giving up. But what about you? What do you lose by gaining a child.”</p></blockquote><p id="e500">Her husband, true to his culture, did not see Kim Jiyoung’s personal goals, dreams, and rights to work go down the pan, in favour of producing child after child until she has a boy. Only to then take work well below her skills to provide for the male child.</p><p id="3643">For intersectionality to really make an impact in this fourth wave of feminism, as I said in the opening, eyes must be opened, ears must be fixed, and the advocate for women’s rights must step outside not only their <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-intersection-when-race-meets-feminism-the-unfinished-conversation-d39e2dda8062?sk=ecfa9780caf2ab4cc78d4d86dc2d29b3">race</a>, class, sexuality, able body, but also their<b> culture</b> to understand how oppression looks different for different demographics of women. This is how the patriarchy’s behaviour oppresses some women; the men do nothing to change a son’s position being more valuable than daughter’s from the moment they are conceived. They take this status norm in their culture as chance to exploit women sexually, physically, and even financially with Korea having the largest gender pay gap in the Asian countries. The patriarchy’s behaviour is culturally harming women; this is not my opinion, this is based on the data, statistics, and evidence presented. My message to the patriarchy is: don’t argue with me, argue with the evidence, and do something about it.</p><p id="0517"><b>What are your thoughts and feelings now that you’ve seen cultural oppression by reading these words?</b></p><p id="319a"><i>Thanks for your readership, I hope my writing gave you something to think about. If I’ve caught you in a good mood or you’re feeling kind, you can buy me a coffee here: <a href="https://www.buymeacoffee.com/meandmymuse">https://www.buymeacoffee.com/MeAndMyMuse</a>. Why not follow me for more of my thought-provoking muse?</i></p><p id="b84b"><b>Further reading:</b></p><div id="b269" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/is-feminism-to-blame-for-korean-women-taking-down-the-patriarchy-870090bcc034"> <div> <div> <h2>Is “Feminism to Blame” For Korean Women Taking Down The Patriarchy?</h2> <div><h3>And they are using their wombs!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*dlbaZB-GAzJKEHITvpsrLA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e914" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-intersection-when-race-meets-feminism-the-unfinished-conversation-d39e2dda8062"> <div> <div> <h2>The Intersection When Race Meets Feminism: The Unfinished Conversation</h2> <div><h3>Who is wiling to have it?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*9ssL5l5Hjai5yhg3riC6Jg.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9ef5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/intersection-where-class-meets-feminism-are-the-women-of-latin-america-class-less-dc3ff334e521"> <div> <div> <h2>Where Class Meets Feminism: Are the Women of Latin America Class-less?</h2> <div><h3>And whose responsibility is it to improve their lot?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*b5hexyyoSq8tEGd10Fdf2w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="08a1"><i>For more of the good stuff, follow <a href="https://medium.com/fourth-wave">Fourth Wave</a>. Have you got a story, essay, or poem that focuses on women or other disempowered groups? <a href="https://readmedium.com/submit-to-the-wave-7c92f095e86f">Submit to the Wave!</a></i></p></article></body>

DISTRIBUTED BY CURATORS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Your Date Is A Real Keeper, But Are You? 5 Reasons You Might Not Be The One

If you look good on paper but your love life is stalling, there might be an explanation.

Erin King is the author of the book “How To Be Wise AF: 30-Day Guided Journal For Women” and other wellness, gratitude, and wellbeing resources.

On your next date, instead of asking if that person is a good prospect, ask yourself if you are.

If you’re getting a lot of first and second dates, but not a lot of third or fourth, maybe you are not putting your best foot forward.

Perhaps you’re not relationship material, and it shows.

Whatever it is that’s not working, chances are it’s not your looks, job, or personality because when it comes to choosing a partner, those things are just surface noise. We choose a mate for so much more than mere attraction.

If you look good on paper but just can’t seem to get anywhere, there might be other reasons why.

If you want to be a keeper, try giving these questions a little consideration:

Am I mature?

Long-term, happy relationships take maturity.

It takes competence to get through the ups and downs that life throws at you.

If you end up married with children, you’ll need to be a mature, responsible parent and partner to keep things stable through those early years with baby.

If you live like a teenager, your date might not want to take it further:

If your apartment is a disgusting mess, it might signal a fundamental lack of character.
If you take your laundry home to your mother, that may indicate that you will be expecting your partner to take a parental role in your relationship.
If your parents pay your rent or car payments, potential mates might be turned off because you don’t or can’t take care of yourself.

When someone’s looking for a life partner, they want someone they can depend on — an equal, not a dependent. So if you lack maturity, this might be one reason you’re not having any luck.

This can be easily addressed by cleaning up your act a bit.

Pay your bills and pay them on time.
Try to keep things a little cleaner.
Start taking care of yourself better.
Learn to cook.

It will be good practice for when you’re in a relationship and you’ll need these qualities to keep stable and happy.

Toxic Or Terrific? These 5 Questions Can Help You Decode The People In Your Life

Sort through your relationships using these questions.

medium.com

Am I honest?

Honesty is essential in any relationship. Both people need to know where they stand. A couple with secrets is doomed from the start.

If you’re hiding something it’ll shine through in how you behave. Similarly, if you are pretending to be something you’re not, people will pick up on that too.

Inauthenticity is always a turn-off.

Even a sociopath puts out signals that can be detected. If you’re hiding a secret, you can’t fully let your guard down. Your date will feel this and it will put them on edge, even if they don’t know it consciously.

If you want to be a keeper, and you have a deep dark secret, you need to come to terms with it in a way that lets you become comfortable with yourself.

If you get help for your issues, they won’t hang over you like a dark cloud, causing you to come off as duplicitous. If you deal with the reasons you might feel like you can’t be authentic, you’ll naturally become more authentic in the process.

And that’s a good thing.

Maybe get some therapy, invest some money in your mental health and happiness before you ask someone else to invest time and emotion into you. If you do this you’ll be in a better position to open up in a healthy way when the right person comes along.

Just because your past may have damaged you, it doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or unloveable. You might just need to heal a bit first.

Because if you can’t be honest, you’ll never present as someone trustworthy.

Am I needy?

Do you feel desperate for love?
Has it been so long since you felt loved that you’re begging someone — anyone, to love you?
Would you do anything to get someone to like you?
Are you addicted to romance movies and the drama of the chase?

If this is the case, you might be too needy to be the one right now.

People want to be with healthy, resilient partners. We all look for someone who makes us feel safe.

Needy people do the opposite.

Needy people are vulnerable.

They’re searching for someone else to make everything okay for them. For most of us, that’s a tall order.

Demanding that on the first few dates will scare people off.

Most people struggle just to take care of their own lives; they can’t help you with yours.

If you’re going to be in a relationship, you have to have something to bring to the table. Needy people lead from such a position of weakness that it’s hard to see what they have to offer.

You might be the sweetest, most generous, kind person, in the world, but if you’re desperately needy, those qualities will be lost in the mix.

If you present as needy, you might want to explore why that is.

Do you have some unresolved issues?
Does dating trigger you?
Do you feel unlovable, like you have to convince the other person you’re worthy?

If this is the case, you may need to do some work on yourself before you can start dating successfully.

Do I have a string of disastrous relationships behind me?

Has every relationship you’ve ever been in ended disastrously?
Are all of your ex-partners' jerks?
Do they all leave you?
Do they all cruelly break your heart?

If this is the case, it’s you that might not be keeper material.

Although at first glance, it seems the problem is with them, but, in fact, every one of your relationships starts with you.

You choose these people in the first place.

Maybe you’re not ready to be a keeper because there’s something about you that draws you to bad people. If this is your pattern, you might have unresolved emotional issues.

Emotionally healthy people might not be attracted to someone with bad judgment because it’s an unconscious red flag.

Someone mean or narcissistic, however, will be drawn to you like a shark to blood.

If you notice that your partners have all been jerks, try examining your part in that dynamic.

6 Things Both People Do When They Really Like Each Other

The best way to tell if it’s really working out is to see if your relationship is reciprocal.

medium.com

Am I generous?

Do you go out on a date and immediately talk about who will pay the bill?
Do you say that you would never be with anyone who makes less money than you?
Do you offer to hold a door open, pull a chair out?
Do you expect the other person to do and buy everything for you on a date?

If you do all of the taking and none of the giving this might be problematic, because generosity isn’t just about cash value, it’s about the spirit of the gesture.

How generous you are informs everything you do and how you function in the world.

If you have a stingy, miserly outlook, you won’t be able to share yourself with a partner. Generally, people who are like this have trust issues. Something has given you a scarcity mindset that causes you to want to hoard, and you hoard your feelings too.

8 Green flag predictors for lasting love

These green flags tell you that it is more than just a passing fancy.

medium.com

A relationship is an emotional agreement that you will share resources.

Those resources are more than just money, and if you’re not generous, a potential mate might sense that you won’t have their back.

In a long-lasting relationship, everything needs to be equal.

Both partners should have the same power over everything they share. Even if one person makes more money, if you’re married, you should, in theory, share your resources freely and equally.

A partnership takes you from being two separate people in a weaker position to a team with combined strength.

If you’re on a date, it can be assumed that both of you’re looking for a mate, ideally for the long term. You’re both looking for the same thing, someone you can trust and feel comfortable sharing your lives with.

If you act selfishly and greedy on a date, that might be a red flag to the other person.

They might assume if they get together with you, you won’t share your resources equitably, and in that way, you won’t be a good partner.

I’m not telling you to try to buy your way into someone’s heart or to allow yourself to be used.

If you’re generous and the other person takes advantage of you, you can just move on, you don’t owe anybody anything.

It’s as easy as that.

But a good partner is generous and fair.

If you aren’t being generous and fair from the beginning, you won’t register as a good potential mate.

If generosity makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe try small random acts of kindness until you get used to the feelings and vulnerability they bring up.

Over time you can up your game as it feels more comfortable.

The idea is as your comfort level increases this spirit of giving will spill over into your consciousness making you more generous in the process. You may even find that it fills you with joy along the way.

Neuroscience tells us that generosity creates joy and improves your health. So embracing your inner giver is a winning strategy no matter how you slice it.

Falling in love is about so much more than just a feeling.

You can be attracted to or charmed by someone’s exterior, but to have lasting love, it’s all about who you are on the inside.

If you’re not getting anywhere with your love life, maybe it’s because you’re the one who’s not a keeper just yet.

Have a second look at this look and see if there is anything you can improve upon to make yourself a better prospective partner.

So even if you’re not a keeper right now, take heart!

When you’re ready, the right person will come along and keep you. 😊

Thanks for reading!

If you’d like to explore your well-being in a bit more depth, download this FREE Mini Wellness Workout Self-Care Resource Bundle. This package includes a set of printable habit trackers, including a Mood Tracker, Alcohol Tracker, Sleep Tracker, and Dream Journal. My gift to you to get you started on your road to deeper self-knowledge.

Erin King creates journals and resources for health, happiness, and wellbeing.

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For more articles by me, please check these out:

Table Of Contents Of Writing By Erin King

A quick way to find articles of interest with links for easy access.

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First-date you is the performer, second-date you is the gatekeeper.

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