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Abstract

re me, I use <i>“ineffable”</i>. Nobody uses <i>“ineffable”</i>.</p><p id="8206">Camille, I’m dying to hear what you thought of chapter 359. You can’t remember? Did you even read the novel? Why did you post an Instagram story that you <i>loved</i> the book? You didn’t lie to the world. You were lying to yourself. Oh, you <i>really</i> read the book? Prove it to me then. Who gets killed by our serial killer in chapter 591? <i>You paused! </i>And you failed my test. Camille, you know what? You’re great!</p><p id="9cdb">I’m so sorry, Ashley. You don’t know what we’re talking about. You would love this book. You look like you would finish reading the book in one sitting.</p><p id="5fcb">Actually, I have a brilliant idea. You’re not going home tonight. You’re going to start reading this novel <i>right now</i>. I’m kidding. I will read to you aloud. You know what that means. Nobody is going home tonight. You’re all going to listen to me until I finish this novel.</p><p id="3b12">Do you know what you need when you start a new book? Rose green tea. Candice, put some extra rose petals for Ash! There you go! Thanks, babe! For everyone else, you need chamomile green tea. Nothing refreshes your memory like chamomile. Candice, make some lemon green tea for yourself. No sugar. No honey. Because you’re already too sweet, hon.</p><p id="ea50">While I’m reading to you, nobody should spoil it for Ashley. I want to see the look on her beautiful face when our serial killer realizes she <i>hates</i> green tea. Ugh! NO MORE SPOILERS! Ashley, why do you keep looking at your phone? Give it to me! There you go! Thanks, babe!</p><p id="c1d1">That’s the end of chapter 6. Was it <i>not great </i>or what? I’m so excited to read chapter 7 to you. You know what happens, don’t you? I’m watching you, Camille! You better not be shocked. No, it’s not the part where our serial killer realizes serial killing is not a lucrative business. Ugh! I did it again. So sorry, Ash!</p><p id="55c9">What’s wrong with you, Emily? Why did you just look at your phone? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scream at you. Although I will say this — you’re a disgrace to the mystery novel writers, readers, and listeners. You know what? Everyone give your phones to me. Collect them, and bring them to me, Candice! Turn them off. There you go! Thanks, babe!</p><p id="0c23">I just don’t want you guys to miss the big surprise which is coming up in chapter 9. Especially you, Camille!</p><p id="5f3f">Emma darling, are you kidding me? You go to the restroom when I tell you to. Sit your ass down. Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell haha. When I finish reading 100 chapters, everyone gets a break — for full three minutes.</p><p id="813c">I love the fact that all of you are keenly listening to me with your eyes closed. It’s an unwritten rule to focus better. Of course I get it. I will randomly ask you questions every ninety-seven minutes though. You better not be sleeping.</p><p id="2829"><i>Fun fact:</i> Chapter 100 is the funniest chapter written in any mystery novel ever. It’s actually, like, a laugh-out-loud funny chapter

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. How’s that for a surprise? That’s exactly why we take a break right there.</p><p id="0f87">The writer gave this interview in which she said that she was influenced by “The Sixth Sense,” and “12 Angry Men” and I feel like you can really tell in chapter 100.</p><p id="154f"><i>Spoiler Alert:</i> I’m not even sorry to spoil this. When you guys find out why our serial killer <i>hates </i>green tea, you’re going to be obsessed with drinking it. I’m getting way ahead of myself. That’s in chapter 324. Only Camille here knows what I’m talking about! Ewww, Emma, you can’t pee in my living room. GREAT!</p><p id="07f8">Wait! Ashley is crying. Like, actually crying out loud. I knew she would cry listening to me reading chapter 9. It’s probably my Morgan Freman voice. See, she wouldn’t have experienced this intense sadness if she had read that herself. Didn’t I say you would love this? Is it <i>ineffable</i> or what? Wait till you listen to chapter 699. You would want to kill me, drink some Hibiscus green tea, and then kill yourself.</p><p id="54b1"><b><i>Falling in love with Srini? Read these to find out if he would kill to invite you to his house so you can actually listen to him read this mystery novel:</i></b></p><div id="da05" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-a-canadian-stand-up-comedian-effortlessly-pulled-a-srini-b59fb95235a"> <div> <div> <h2>How a Canadian Stand-Up Comedian Effortlessly Pulled a Srini</h2> <div><h3>Hot and Funny are mutually exclusive</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*NMpopbzY9eLN4v3M-kwNGA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9a56" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/what-we-all-should-be-doing-in-an-elevator-ae510a780246"> <div> <div> <h2>What We All Should Be Doing In An Elevator</h2> <div><h3>I’m not a dick. I’m the polar opposite of a dick</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*eZS1rkN911_C7Si_1Sqrow.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="138e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-my-bizarre-job-interview-took-a-wild-turn-958fa248c181"> <div> <div> <h2>How My Bizarre Job Interview Took a Wild Turn</h2> <div><h3>I was largely on top of it</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*0wCWV7H9nNa-HI5OAwYgVg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

You Have To Read This Mystery Novel

You would love this

Heyyy, guys! Thank you for coming over to catch up. How are you? Who am I kidding? You all look fantastic. I have a more important question.

Let me light some candles. I’ll recline on this green bean bag and you can all rest in those blue deckchairs. Cool. The violet sofa is fine, too, Sofia. Candice, bring me a cup of hibiscus green tea. There you go. Thanks, babe! It looks like blood. I love it. I feel like a vampire.

Let me settle into my deep Morgan Freeman voice. Can you imagine Morgan being a vampire? No, that’s not the more important question. Although, Morgan would make a cool vampire.

It’s this — Have you been reading this mystery novel? OH! MY! GOD! I love this novel as much as I love my Hibiscus green tea. You know I would kill for Hibiscus green tea, even if it means I have to literally suck the blood out of all of you.

Thank your lucky stars you’ve been reading this novel, too, Adriana. Or else you wouldn’t be sitting in that deckchair comfortably now haha.

Wait, Ashley, you’ve been dead silent since we started talking. Please tell me you know what we’re talking about. ASH!! What is wrong with you, girl? This book is your cup of tea. Your cup of green tea if you’re into green tea. This is unforgivable. You have to start this novel after you go home tonight.

What about you, Becky? You’ve finished 116 chapters already? GET OUTTA HERE! Well done! Well, I’m on chapter 458. It’s my sixth time reading this book. It still feels like it’s my first time. So, what do you think so far? Describe it to me in one word. I know it’s tough. Try your best. Did you just say it’s “great”?

Let me tell you something, Becky. I’ve said this to people my whole life. Using the word “great” is not the best way to compliment someone or something. To me, it’s insincere. It’s almost insulting. You might as well say it was HORRIBLE.

You would never see me using the word “great” to compliment someone. If I used it, it means they deserved it.

Do you know who is great? Donald Trump is great. Kari Lake is great. All my twenty-eight exes are GREAT. How was my day at work? Great! My bank balance? It’s so very great!

Don’t ever use the word “great” to compliment something, Becky. Not in my house. Not in your house if I’m there. Everybody uses “great”. You can pick literally any other adjective. My go-to adjective? “Glorious!” If “glorious” sounds like a misfit, I use “splendid”. If someone else already used these words before me, I use “ineffable”. Nobody uses “ineffable”.

Camille, I’m dying to hear what you thought of chapter 359. You can’t remember? Did you even read the novel? Why did you post an Instagram story that you loved the book? You didn’t lie to the world. You were lying to yourself. Oh, you really read the book? Prove it to me then. Who gets killed by our serial killer in chapter 591? You paused! And you failed my test. Camille, you know what? You’re great!

I’m so sorry, Ashley. You don’t know what we’re talking about. You would love this book. You look like you would finish reading the book in one sitting.

Actually, I have a brilliant idea. You’re not going home tonight. You’re going to start reading this novel right now. I’m kidding. I will read to you aloud. You know what that means. Nobody is going home tonight. You’re all going to listen to me until I finish this novel.

Do you know what you need when you start a new book? Rose green tea. Candice, put some extra rose petals for Ash! There you go! Thanks, babe! For everyone else, you need chamomile green tea. Nothing refreshes your memory like chamomile. Candice, make some lemon green tea for yourself. No sugar. No honey. Because you’re already too sweet, hon.

While I’m reading to you, nobody should spoil it for Ashley. I want to see the look on her beautiful face when our serial killer realizes she hates green tea. Ugh! NO MORE SPOILERS! Ashley, why do you keep looking at your phone? Give it to me! There you go! Thanks, babe!

That’s the end of chapter 6. Was it not great or what? I’m so excited to read chapter 7 to you. You know what happens, don’t you? I’m watching you, Camille! You better not be shocked. No, it’s not the part where our serial killer realizes serial killing is not a lucrative business. Ugh! I did it again. So sorry, Ash!

What’s wrong with you, Emily? Why did you just look at your phone? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scream at you. Although I will say this — you’re a disgrace to the mystery novel writers, readers, and listeners. You know what? Everyone give your phones to me. Collect them, and bring them to me, Candice! Turn them off. There you go! Thanks, babe!

I just don’t want you guys to miss the big surprise which is coming up in chapter 9. Especially you, Camille!

Emma darling, are you kidding me? You go to the restroom when I tell you to. Sit your ass down. Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell haha. When I finish reading 100 chapters, everyone gets a break — for full three minutes.

I love the fact that all of you are keenly listening to me with your eyes closed. It’s an unwritten rule to focus better. Of course I get it. I will randomly ask you questions every ninety-seven minutes though. You better not be sleeping.

Fun fact: Chapter 100 is the funniest chapter written in any mystery novel ever. It’s actually, like, a laugh-out-loud funny chapter. How’s that for a surprise? That’s exactly why we take a break right there.

The writer gave this interview in which she said that she was influenced by “The Sixth Sense,” and “12 Angry Men” and I feel like you can really tell in chapter 100.

Spoiler Alert: I’m not even sorry to spoil this. When you guys find out why our serial killer hates green tea, you’re going to be obsessed with drinking it. I’m getting way ahead of myself. That’s in chapter 324. Only Camille here knows what I’m talking about! Ewww, Emma, you can’t pee in my living room. GREAT!

Wait! Ashley is crying. Like, actually crying out loud. I knew she would cry listening to me reading chapter 9. It’s probably my Morgan Freman voice. See, she wouldn’t have experienced this intense sadness if she had read that herself. Didn’t I say you would love this? Is it ineffable or what? Wait till you listen to chapter 699. You would want to kill me, drink some Hibiscus green tea, and then kill yourself.

Falling in love with Srini? Read these to find out if he would kill to invite you to his house so you can actually listen to him read this mystery novel: