How My Bizarre Job Interview Took a Wild Turn

I was largely on top of it

9:26 A.M. I arrive at Goldman Sachs Tower, a 42-story building for my job interview for the prestigious dog walker position. I feel exhilarated because I’m a bit early for my 6 P.M. interview. Who wouldn’t appreciate the timeliness?

9:39 A.M. I get inside the luxurious elevator that’s going to elevate my life for good. I look to press button 39 on the elevator control panel. I can’t find it. I see 38. I see 40. I see even 42. There is no 39. How could it be?

9:43 A.M. I ruminate. I have no clue. I take a closer look at all the numbers again. 39 doesn’t exist.

9:59 A.M. Now even a fool would know what to do. I’m no fool. I press the closest number— 38. Nothing happens. I press 40. Naught!

10:03 A.M. I press all the other 38 numbers randomly. Zilch!

10:31 A.M. I punch all the other 38 numbers in ascending order. Nix!

10:59 A.M. I punch all the other 38 numbers in descending order. Bugger all!

11:27 A.M. I realize the elevator doesn’t work. I tell myself this escalated quickly. I laugh genuinely.

11:36 A.M. I get out of the elevator. I think of motivational quotes to lift up my mood.

11:59 A.M. I can’t think of one. I attempt to make something up.

12:33 P.M. I come up with my own motivational quote. I tell myself some fancy-ass elevator can’t bring me down — just because it can’t take me up.

12:46 P.M. I laugh genuinely. I feel motivated.

1:07 P.M. I have a moment of epiphany. I realize the dog walker job is physically and mentally demanding, which is why the interview is arranged on the thirty-ninth floor. The HR person for the dog walker position must’ve deliberately malfunctioned the elevator to test my stamina and my problem-solving ability for the job. In other words, the interview has already begun.

1:13 P.M. I take the stairs, with no other choice. It was a good thing I arrived a tad early. I have come prepared — apparently.

5:21 P.M. I reach the thirty-third floor. I can’t do this anymore. But I’m unemployed and I need this job. I didn’t come this far to only come this far. Ugh! This was the motivational quote I was looking for earlier.

5:32 P.M. I feel motivated again.

5:36 P.M. Thirty-fourth. I think to myself that the job advertisement did say it is important to be patient under Personal Qualifications. Having exhausted myself, I am feeling like a patient. A damn good one!

5:43 P.M. Thirty-fifth. Almost there. Three more floors. I can’t move an inch. I lose motivation again.

5:49 P.M. I think about the dog that won’t go for a walk if I don’t get my act together and walk further. I love dogs. Dogs are love. Anything for the dogs.

5:56 P.M. There it is! Thirty-ninth. Right on time! I can’t stop myself from saying — this escalated quickly. I laugh genuinely. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. There’s only one office open on the floor. The advertisement outside the office says Now Hiring: Cat Walkers. Wait! Could this be the wrong tunnel?

I stand bewildered. I can’t stand anymore. My legs hurt. My head spins. I need food and water, in no particular order. I sit on their reception chair. I sit bewildered.

The reception lady gives me a warm welcome. She’s a redhead. She looks like a blueberry muffin. Hot, fresh, and sweet. I have no appetite anymore, yet I’m thirsty.

She asks me if I have previous experience working with cats.

I tell her she’s misunderstood and I’m here for a dog walker interview. I tell her cats don’t like me and more importantly, I don’t like cats.

She tells me I’m on the wrong floor. She tells me this is the thirty-sixth floor and she understands the confusion. She says the number six on the steel plate thirty-six sign is inverted because the screw on the number six is loose. I’m screwed. I can’t walk three more stories. Screw the dogs.

I’d rather force myself to like cats. Maybe some cats like me. Maybe all cats love me but they’re playing hard to get.

I attend the interview. They say it’s a walk-in interview. Oh, no. This is all my nightmares coming true. I can’t walk. I already walked for the next three years in one day.

I refuse to walk with the interviewer. They offer me the job anyway. There is no other candidate. I accept their decent offer.

I leave the office to walk down the stairs. I’m about to walk down memory lane. A trip down memory lane. I’m about to trip.

The elevator bell, out of the blue, dings loudly. The elevator opens. I see a cute Dalmatian dog inside the elevator. The dog is alone.

I thank my lucky stars and get inside the elevator. I reach the first floor. I get out of the elevator. Oddly, the dog walks with me wherever I go.

I stare pensively at the dog and wonder— what if this dog is the HR person for the dog walker position? I take the dog home. I get to walk both the dog and God knows how many cats.

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