Summary

The website content discusses the social phenomena of ghosting and unghosting in relationships, presenting a satirical guide on how to effectively execute these behaviors.

Abstract

The article titled "MIA — Ghost Protocol" delves into the art of ghosting, which is the act of suddenly cutting off all communication with someone, and unghosting, which is the act of re-establishing contact after a period of ghosting. It humorously suggests that ghosting should be done subtly and without obvious reasons, particularly outside of Halloween to avoid predictability. The piece satirizes the idea that ghosting is a way to avoid confrontation and drama in relationships, and it even goes as far as to suggest that it can be an act of self-care and empowerment. The article also explores the concept of unghosting, which is portrayed as a strategic move to re-enter someone's life when one feels lonely or has not found a suitable replacement. It provides tongue-in-cheek advice on how to unghost someone, emphasizing that both ghosting and unghosting are socially acceptable behaviors that one can engage in with a sense of superiority and control over the ghostee's emotions.

Opinions

Ghosting is seen as a way to end relationships without direct confrontation, deemed suitable for those who are insecure or socially immature.
The article suggests that ghosting can be done "clinically" to send a clear message of disinterest, such as by reading messages without responding.
Empathy is mentioned as a possible component of ghosting, with the suggestion that one can ghost someone "urgently and nicely" by sending a polite goodbye text.
Unghosting is presented as a method to reconnect with an ex-partner, particularly when one fails to find someone new, implying that it's a self-serving act.
The article mocks the idea that unghosting can be seen as hauntingly poetic or as an act of self-care, rather than cowardice.
It is implied that unghosting is easier than ghosting and can be done without genuine remorse or accountability for the initial act of ghosting.
The piece satirically suggests that responding to an unghosting attempt with maturity and indifference can be insulting to the ghoster, as it undermines their perceived control over the situation.
The article concludes with the notion that ghosting someone who has moved on is a power move, reinforcing the idea that the ghoster is entitled to have the "best — backup" in their life.

MIA — Ghost Protocol

Mastering the Art of Ghosting and Unghosting

Ghosting is to avoid attention, whereas unghosting is to seek attention

You love ghosts so much that you decide to become one. You’re not scared to ghost the girl you’ve dated, your friend, and/or your hot and cold crush. You’re thinking about ghosting your family too — because why not?

If you’re someone who loves to romanticize everything, here’s something for you:

Halloween is not the ideal season to ghost people because it’d be obvious, let alone unoriginal.

Ghost them subtly in any other season like a genuine coward who may well be ironically afraid of ghosts. Nobody will see that coming. Not even you.

Game of Ghosting

Ghosting is a horror game between a ghoster and a ghostee but only the ghoster gets to play. Ghostee watches the game without even understanding the rules. The game is over before a ghostee knows it. And, there aren’t necessarily any rules.

The prestigious ghosting event occurs due to the 3 following reasons, but not limited to:

Ghosting your date becomes mandatory when you sense your date decides to ghost you because they sense you’re about to ghost them. You can tell your niece this horror thriller when she asks you a scary story before going to bed.
You ghost someone because you realize they’re catching feelings, which isn’t cool. (Vomit emoji)
You ghost some loser guy because you like to tell your friends, “I’m going MIA on that guy” so they’ll say, “How could you be so cool and cruel at the same time!”

Ghosting is the ideal way to end a relationship, especially if they’re long-term. No confrontations. No drama. You can't make them sad — not directly anyway. Not that you ought to care.

They don't deserve an explanation. They don't deserve closure. Not when you’re insecure and socially immature. You’re too busy anyway. Let them suffer wondering what’s wrong with them. Let them feel insecure.

If you don't make them feel you’ve stabbed them in their back, what are you even doing? If you don’t make them feel they’re worthless garbage, your ghosting game needs to be up. You may be an amateur ghoster, but you don’t have to be an immature ghoster, too.

Say goodbye to “proper” goodbyes. Conventional goodbyes are boring. It’s not 1939 anymore.

Ghosting can be soothing and satisfying when done clinically. If your boyfriend texted you 16 times in a day, but you’re planning to ghost him, ensure the read receipt is on and leave it on read. It shows him you’re not only cool with this but also cold with this, which is cool when you think about it.

Dumping someone unceremoniously tells you how strong you are. It gives you the self-confidence to achieve anything in your miserable life.

Are you an empath? Fear not. You can ghost someone urgently and nicely. It’s crucial you tell them this over text:

It was nice knowing you. I sincerely hope life treats you well 🙏

This will tell them you’re someone with dignity and respect. That you do care about their feelings. Ghosting doesn't have to be an act of cowardice. Ghosting can be hauntingly poetic. Ghosting is self-care.

Unghosting Takes Some Spirit

You may be unable to find someone new and you’re tired of searching for your soulmate. You realize there are no more fish in any ocean. It has been two years. It’s time to go back to your ghostee.

Now they may have gotten over you. They may have found their soulmate and they’re living happily. This is the ideal time for you to show up again. You show them it's always your call when to be together and apart. Unghosting, ironically, can haunt them all over again.

Ghosting is to avoid attention, whereas unghosting is to seek attention. Both these terms wouldn't be coined fancily if these behaviors weren't socially acceptable.

There are always naysayers who say it can’t be done. But remember, you have the self-confidence of ghosting them before. Lucky for you, unghosting is a lot easier than ghosting. Unghosting someone is as easy as praying to God — except that someone can see you begging.

Now you’ve made up your mind to text your ghostee, again. They’re lucky you want to get back with them. Text them this:

Sorry. That message I sent 2 years ago was meant for some else LOL. We are cool ❤️

There’s a slight chance you won’t get a quick response to that. Give it some time. Give them at least — 15 minutes. They’re probably playing it cool. Or they’re not buying it.

Now send this text:

I couldn’t tell you anytime sooner because I lost my charger and my phone. You know me 😂 I hope you have not been casting revenge spells on me 😆

There’s a little possibility they’re mad at you. That’s what people do. People get mad all the time. People can be such a baby. You didn't ghost them for nothing in the first place.

Clear the air with your best joke. Send this text:

Did you think I was dead? Are you upset I didn’t invite you to my funeral? 😝 I hope you haven’t hosted a funeral for me by yourself 🤣

Hold on now. Too many emojis. You aren’t that desperate, are you? Backspace “🤣”

This thoughtful joke will tell them you aren't narcissistic and you were always going to come back in their life. Your empathy could make them cry. Under any circumstances, don’t ever rationalize your ghosting act. It will make you look vulnerable.

If they’re someone who holds grudges and they want to hurt you, they may send you a picture of Ghostbusters. You laugh it off.

But if they’re mature, they’ll send this response:

I’m happy to hear from you. I hope you’re doing well.

This can and will hurt you. It’s insulting. What kind of a power move they're making? It tells you they never cared for you. That ghosting them never mattered to them. Were you always irrelevant to them? It’s a sign that they are not the one for you. Good riddance. Thank your lucky stars.

It's time you do what you do best — Ghost them, again. They’re your backup anyway. You deserve someone better. You deserve the best — backup.

You go, ghoster! Go haunt and daunt!