You Are Not as Weak as You Think
Show me a weak person, and I’ll show you a narcissist.
Keith was an adorable young boy from an average home. He had golden curly hair, puffed up in front. His blue eyes glowed in the sun, and his pink lips complemented his face with a one-sided dimple that appeared when he smiled. To sum up: he was really cute.
We’d been close friends before we realised we had both been crushing on each other. Keith was three years older than me. He was an artist, which attracted me to him all the more. I have a thing for a cute artist, you see. And I don’t bother hiding it. I will compliment a pretty face when I see it.
Keith would paint me all the time, even when I was sleeping or only half awake. I was barely eighteen then. So it was flattering having paintings of me decorate his room. I was his “muse”, he said. I don’t know why artists are so lovable, but I found him irresistible.
Keith also had one particularly striking quality. He was meek, very slow to anger. Whenever we had a fight, he would be the first to apologize, and he’d even cry. But I was naughty. I don’t forgive easily. I would hold a grudge for days before I would accept his apology. I’d let him smother me with paintings and attention while I kept him waiting. I took advantage of his kind heart.
We were each other’s first, but we didn’t have sex for two years. I told him I wanted to wait, and he respected my decision — which is kind of why I fell in love with him. I mean, how many guys would wait to have sex while showering with gifts and romance?
Our kisses were passionate. Sometimes I would feel so horny and beg him to make love to him. But he would withdraw and remind me of my promise to myself to wait.
After a while, everything changed. My taste in men changed. I started taking an interest in sophisticated, more educated, more experienced men. I starting craving crazy wild romance kind of relationship. Keith was no longer good enough for me. He didn’t satisfy my sexual urges. Sex with him became boring.
All the qualities that had initially attracted me to Keith started to annoy me. I saw his humility, his introverted life, and his calmness as weaknesses. If he called in the day just to know how I was doing or dropped in on me without notice, I would take it as stalking. His love turned into what felt like an obsession. I felt like I was suffocating.
When I told him I need some time to think things through, he agreed without arguing. He was like that. Getting through Keith was never hard. He was always ready to listen. He just believed that if I was asking for a break, then there must be a good reason for it.
So I left town. That’s when my relationship with Keith took a drastic turn. I met another guy, and one thing led to another, but it didn’t go anywhere because I was feeling guilty for betraying Keith. I decided to return home and give our love a second chance, but I hid the truth about my cheating. It would have broken him, and I knew he didn’t deserve that. But we broke up anyway.
When we broke up, he spiraled, got depressed. I had to move to another state to keep myself from going back to him. I wanted to be free. I felt stuck; I felt that I would only be staying with him out of sympathy.
Then I meet Fred, my narcissist boyfriend. He showed me everything I thought I had lacked in Keith. He encouraged me and lifted me up, financially and otherwise. Keith and Fred were worlds apart.
Fred was too controlling. He had little tantrums that would put me off. As much as he inspired me, he never failed to remind me how I would have been nothing without him. Hearing that always made me feel vulnerable. He would insist I follow his advice and do what he said. Slowly I started relying on his judgment before making any decisions about my life.
That was when it occurred to me that Keith hadn’t been the weak one. I was the weak one. I was too weak to see that Keith had principles and self-control. Keith had set me free because he trusted in me, which is an admirable quality of strong people.
Show me a narcissist, and I will show you a weak person. After ending my relationship with Fred, I discovered that narcissists mask their weakness behind their ego.
Keith never forgot about me. He made sure to keep in touch with me over the years. He said he knew I was young when I was with him, too young not to feel pressured in a committed relationship. We got back together many years later, but still, I kept my secret buried.
Being with Keith taught me how valuable our opinions about ourselves are, and I learned some important lessons from that man.
1. Forgiveness sets you free.
When I did something wrong, Keith would forgive me before I opened my mouth to ask for his forgiveness. I noticed he seemed happier and forgot what we fought about. I didn’t realize how freeing this could be until I started practicing forgiveness, even to those who didn’t deserve it.
Forgiveness will set you free. Once you choose to forgive, you choose to separate yourself from any negative conflicts that you have had in the past and which still resonate in your present. Forgiveness is not something you give to others; forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself.
2. Your meekness isn’t a weakness.
Meekness is strength. A meek person is not easily provoked, pretentious, or overbearing, and they readily acknowledge the accomplishments of others, which is something a narcissist wouldn’t do.
Loving your enemies, blessing those that curse you, being kind to those that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you (as the Bible says) shows a great deal of strength. Don’t ever change that quality for anyone.
3. You can trust another’s judgment.
If you are bold and brazen, then you’re far from being weak. You can boldly stand up and tell the truth without putting others down. I missed this about Keith when I was with Fred. Keith would agree with me even though he thought I was in the wrong.
Giving people the freedom to make their own decisions builds trust. Yes, they are bound to make mistakes or fail, but you can be there to help them up again. And this is something a narcissist will never understand.
4. You can have confidence in yourself.
People who lack self-confidence tend to speak more than they listen. They feel that they need to be heard. Their opinions, views, and stories should be shared with everyone around them. This is an annoying trait of narcissists, they lack confidence, so they go about imposing their choices and opinions on others.
But strong people listen without judging. They don’t feel the need to talk just to add nothing of value to a conversation. Depending on the circumstances, they know what to say, and whether to say anything at all. They think twice before speaking. They don’t get caught up in the moment and say something that might come back to bite them.
Keith was always slow to speak and act. I thought it showed weakness, but I was wrong.
5. You are compassionate towards others.
If you can put yourself in others people’s shoes, you certainly aren’t weak. When I told Keith I wanted some time apart, his response was, “If that will that make you happy.” But when I told Fred the same thing when I couldn’t handle the emotional trauma anymore, his reply was, “Why? Don’t I make you happy?”
Keith was looking out for my happiness, while Fred made me feel guilty for wanting to be happy. Typical of a narcissist, they make themselves the center of every conversation. That’s something weak people do.
Sometimes lack of confidence makes us feel weak. If you ever think you are weak, then ask yourself, “how are you weak?” “What have you done to make yourself feel like you are weak?”
Asking yourself these questions will help you grasp the actual conflict with your emotions. Challenge yourself to get a little stronger each day, and you will gain confidence in your ability to do difficult things.