Yes, Self-help is Useless
And that’s exactly why you don’t get anywhere…
Self-help is only useless because of your attitude. It’s only useless because you don’t actually act on the information given.
Sure, a lot of the advice out there is simple, and people make money off of it.
Sure, we are all messed up ourselves but are trying to tell other people how they should live their lives.
Ever thought that people making money off of telling others how to live are putting into practice self-help advice? Whether they realize it or not?
Sure, maybe that’s stupid or goofy or a scam. But then again, could it be the frustration that they are doing better off than you that’s bothering you? Just from giving advice?
Don’t you know that people are much better at giving advice than acting upon it themselves? If that doesn’t bring you comfort (it doesn’t for me), how about this:
Ever thought that these “messed up” people are giving you advice — which is completely unlike how they currently live — so that you don’t end up messed up like them? That maybe you will be able to put in the work that they couldn’t?
The reality is that though there are people out there who may not be “qualified” in your eyes, at the bare minimum they can tell you how to not live like them. That’s great self-help advice on its own.
Most self-help doesn’t preach about what not to do.
The reality is also that every self-help writer out there is saying the same thing. The “unqualified” are saying the same thing as the qualified ones. This information isn’t new.
It may be that you would probably prefer to hear from a more “qualified” person who’s actually been through some things and changed their life around.
Then again, usually (and I do mean usually), the qualified ones are the same ones who are making the good money off of this stuff, who in turn are the same people that self-help haters complain about.
It would seem that lots of unqualified ones aren’t making money at all from preaching self-help, yet.
Maybe if they keep at it consistently and diligently and deliberately, they will start too. In turn, this technically makes them qualified, no? They’ve just put in self-help’s best practices at its core.
At least they were able to stick with something and pursue the unknown without fear or despite it. At least they aren’t sitting there crying about how life isn’t fair and people who don’t deserve to make it anywhere end up making it everywhere.
Or maybe self-help bothers you in the message of it all.
Maybe you hate the idea of motivational speaking and the whole “you can do it!” attitude, the affirmations in the mirror, the visualizations and morning routines, the systems, the productivity and procrastination and “improve your life with this one habit” articles, the podcasts, etc.
Maybe you feel that people are lying to you. Life isn’t magic and it definitely isn’t fair. You can’t achieve anything you want in life. You have kids and work and this and that and blah blah blah blah blah.
And you know what? That’s not far from the truth.
I’m a firm believer in the less “fluffy” self-help advice, which at its core is about putting in the hard work that’s necessary. You don’t deserve anything that you don’t work for. I try to build my articles around this message.
At the same time, I’m also a firm believer in some of the more, “fluffy” stuff. I think that you should and can pursue super ambitious dreams. To me, life isn’t worth it if there isn’t something to look toward. I’m not saying any of these dreams will just “come your way” as long as your visualizing and saying the affirmations and doing the meditations.
There’s a blend of believing in something beyond your current capabilities and doing the work it takes to get there. You need to have both. Believing is the faith part that keeps you going through the “hard work” part.
Maybe you’ve experienced too many hardships in this life and can’t see it getting better. Everyone is dealt a different hand. There are people out there who have had their great life handed to them the moment they were born and still are living great and will continue to do so until they die. That’s just how it is.
But, the moment we think that isn’t possible for us…that’s when we fail.
Maybe I sound naive. Maybe I sound like I don’t care about anyone’s circumstances or situations.
Of course, I do. No one is telling you it will be easy. I’m not going to lie to you. It may be damn near impossible for you. It may never happen for you. [Here’s where the “fluff” comes in], but “damn near” impossible isn’t “fully” impossible.
“It may never happen” isn’t saying that “it certainly won’t”.
That small percentage, that small chance, that small…possibility. That’s what excites me and keeps me going.
We need more people to talk about self-help, whether qualified or unqualified (whatever that means for you), whether fluffy or the more realistic truth, like a dagger to your heart.
Why? Because people listen to different kinds of advice, and not enough people in the world are getting any of it at all. It doesn’t matter how successful the self-help person is in the grand scheme of things because we are all saying the same thing in different ways. We all read the same books (especially by those much more successful than us) and are sharing the advice.
So technically, whatever you’re hearing has come from some successful person’s advice that has simply been passed down.
For me, I got into self-help because I was tired of watching others be successful. Good for them, but seeing their success only hardened my wrong belief that I wasn’t capable to achieve similar or even greater feats.
Not enough people are hearing this. Not enough people are living their life with intention. I think it my duty to make sure that they don’t find out the hard way, on the deathbed.
So yes, self-help can be useless…but that’s only if you think that way.
How about you try and put those things into practice? And I’m not talking about doing something for a week and losing “motivation”.
Any good self-help advice would tell you that “motivation” is crap. You get the motivation through action.
Maybe you hate self-help because you’ve tried and failed and given up, chalking it all up to “this self-help stuff is stupid, anyway” type of mindset.
Maybe you can’t envision a life better for yourself. How many times do people who have been in the gutter, either like you or far worse, have to come on top and be something for you to realize that you could indeed do the same thing? You don’t have to realize this on the deathbed to know.
Let others help you try to be something. There can be value even in the lowest of advice.