Thoughts on Dreaming Big…
…and why you should.
No step is too hard to climb…
I have come to terms with the fact that not everyone wants to live a life that I intend to live, and that’s okay.
I’m not (or no longer) a proponent of imposing my beliefs on others about how they should live their life. I can only offer some insight, and what I have been dying to talk about is
DREAMING BIG
Most people agree with this basic, cliche life advice. Many tell you that the higher you aim, the higher you will “end up” as opposed to shooting lower and aiming lower.
Yet, there are a few problems I have with this. Now, I’m not against this advice at all; I am all in for big dreaming. But I think some people go about it wrong, and I have been going about it wrong.
A few mindset shifts we should make…
Please, know this:
1) No one cares…
2)…expect nothing…
3) …no one will help you, and…
4) …you talk too much.
Sound pessimistic?
Yeah, I hate pessimism too.
There are probably people already thinking about how much “dreaming big sucks” and “you should be happy with your life” and “you should be content” and “it’s not possible” and “maybe you should settle for…” blah blah blah yeah yeah life sucks for you don’t make it suck for us, asshole.
Yet, (to pessimist surprise), I believe these 4 starting mindset shifts will take you a long way.
Before we can talk about dreaming big from a positive stance, I must talk about the negative. This is because I would be doing you an injustice if I didn’t tell you to think this way.
I’m a miraculous dreamer, so I know from experience.
Let’s unpack each of these a little.
1) No one cares.
Let me tell you why. It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone when I say that humans are inherently selfish.
Everyone has their own problems, whether First World or Third, and everyone thinks their problem is equally as important as the next.
Everyone would pick themselves over others in life or death situations,
Everyone…you get the point.
But here’s the kicker:
That’s not necessarily a bad thing
This is coming from a person totally aware of how nasty it is to be selfish, and totally aware that I myself am selfish, and I don’t like that look.
And yet,
Life is about balancing paradoxical ideas (you’re gonna get tired of hearing me say this).
It’s not all black and white.
You need to be selfish about certain things and not be selfish about certain things. Everyone knows what is right in that sense.
By the way, if you’re someone who is all like: “Stop saying everyone that doesn’t apply to me…” then first off:
Yes it does, you just probably don’t like to hear the truth.
And second off: If it really doesn’t apply to you. I mean really, then…it probably still does.
Third off, if it really really really doesn’t, then don’t be stupid; I’m clearly making a generalization that (News flash: congratulations!) doesn’t apply to you.
But I’m not gonna preface everything I say with
“Disclaimer: for those to whom it applies…”
…gimmie a break…
When you dream big, you will find yourself wanting to tell others your big visions for the future (we will talk about the importance/pitfalls of that later in the article), but it is imperative that you remind yourself of the fact that no one really cares, even if they act like they do.
If you guard and harvest that to your soul, you will be fine on your difficult journey to finding success, the big way. It will require a totally different you, and you will be sad a lot, probably depressed. :)
The last thing you need is someone who you thought cared about your dream to shit on it later when they have their own problems, which is very likely to be a bigger problem than yours, so you can’t blame others for not being there for you.
See how crazy that sounds?
Don’t force people to be apart of your mess while they are a mess themselves. If they come willingly and are always there for you no matter what, awesome.
But, people don’t quite come that way anymore (or was there ever a time?).
2) Expect nothing
This pretty much goes along with my other point. If you expect nothing, I mean absolutely nothing, you will be happy.
And I mean it.
Don’t expect anyone to care.
Don’t expect anyone to help you.
Don’t expect success but do expect failure. That’s the one thing you can expect.
When you expect nothing, then when things come, you will be less surprised. I should clarify that when I say expect nothing I mean don’t expect good things to happen. Don’t expect to figure it out. Don’t expect that you can achieve anything, but still, work like a dog to do so.
Don’t quite expect only bad things. Just don’t think in a way that expects anything at all. Just do. There’s nuance to this, of course. Be smart about it.
But you don’t want to linger on what can go well and be disappointed when it goes to shit or linger on what can go to shit when things actually go well.
It wastes energy.
The road of trials and tribulations is far to great on the journey to big dreams for you to think everything will be in order.
It’s not a straight line, it’s crooked…
and curved…
and disappears sometimes only for you to find it later while wandering around aimlessly.
Of course, yet again, I’m not saying don’t prepare for things. Prepare for the bad things, but don’t make it a thing to prepare for success or over-prepare for pitfalls.
Expecting nothing isn’t puttng things in a negative light, it’s just putting things in…a light.
Neither good or bad. Think optimistically about other things in your life. When it comes to your dreams, just think, without attachment. You will hurt yourself.
Expecting nothing makes the successes even more amazing, but
That’s not why I’m telling you this.
I’m telling you to expect nothing for your own health and well-being.
Consider any success on the way to your dream as a bonus.
3) No one will help you
(see above, and above that as well) And now, my favorite…
4) You talk way too fucking much
Okay, maybe that isn’t the exact wording that I used previously in the article, but I’m channeling my inner Gary V. Just an expletive here and there…
This is my favorite principle because it is the one that most applies to me.
People talk wayyyyy too much (yeah not just me).
Like, way way way too much. I think it is important to make your dreams public, but as Gary V said, we live in a world where people’s actions don’t match their ambitions. Like, at all dude.
And boy, don’t I know that’s true.
What are you doing every day to work towards that fat dream then, huh? Oh, you wanna do that? You need to get to work buddy!
Here’s a hard truth.
Even if you’re one of the super hard-working ones, spending all those hours or whatever…
It’s probably still not enough.
Doesn’t that suck? Man, life is hard. Boo-hoo.
But it is also awesome, and you gotta make life work for you.
“Oh, but Ephraim, we have lives you know. I can’t spend all that time or whatever…”
Everyone has the same amount of time in a day. Maybe you’re working too hard. Maybe you should be working smarter instead.
Ever thought about that? Nope, bet you didn’t.
You were spending too much time trying to combat what I’m saying.
Maybe you’re working so hard and grinding at your dream but your sacrificing everything else in your life. Let me be clear,
No one is advocating that.
At least I’m not. But…
…you will make time for what you want to do.
And yet, I also kinda disagree with that. There are tons of things I want to do that I don’t make time for, but I still want to do it.
And yet again!
Do I really? Dig into your soul! And if you really want to do it, then get to work! (I know, I’m annoying).
But seriously, though. Stop telling people about what you want to do or bothering them with your stupid excuses for why you can’t do it. There is barely any excuse that is a good one.
You know what you can do instead to actually combat that? JUST DO (see my previous article):
And now, on to the main idea:
THE ALL-IN GUIDE FOR DREAMING BIG (MINUS THE NEGATIVE)
“Ew, but what is defined as ‘big’ Ephraim? What the hell does it even mean to dream ‘big’?”
Oh my goodness, whatever you think is a big, impossible goal that you would be highly interested, within your soul to achieve.
Yeah, that. You should work towards that.
I want to start off by saying why I think dreaming big is so vital for us. I believe to live a meaningful life is to do what you want to do (as long as it is ethically and morally sound) but in a big, useful way.
I think you should add value to the world, and the best way to add the best value you can (and yes I believe you should add the best value you can) is to work to be the best you can.
I don’t know if anyone has ever told you, but human beings are capable of A LOT.
Thus, in my viewpoint, we should believe we can do something on a great scale simply because we are capable of doing something great.
Maybe this doesn’t work for you. Maybe you are content contributing in whatever way you can. Maybe you don’t feel the need to do something huge.
But I call bullshit.
I call it so hard.
I think there is a part in us that longs for something huge. Maybe we have entertained the idea of doing something we really want to do, in a big way, but quickly discarded it for something “practical”. What the hell?
What is practical? What is…reasonable?
Practical, reasonable things only stem from the fact that throughout life we have taken it entirely too seriously.
Chasing big dreams is practical, how about that?
When you think this way, I feel like you can radically change your life.
When we were children, we didn’t think in a “practical” sense.
Anything was possible, yet sadly not everything is.
But, entertain the idea that maybe it actually is! Why? Because that is a fact! It may be a slim probabilty, but it is still there!
Does that scare you?
Why?
Aiming high and working towards that aim places you high. The honest truth is you can be very content chasing big dreams, not exactly reaching your goal, but getting close.
And maybe your goal was so huge and you worked like a dog to get there that where you ended up is still such a radically successful position that you are more than happy to settle for.
Some don’t settle right there.
Some do.
And yet, both are super successful.
I have to be honest. For those of you who don’t want to do something huge:
I kind of don’t understand you.
Let me share with you some thoughts on big dreaming and why I find it so important.
I will briefly cover these principles I have come across/up with and used in my own way. Take what you want, not everything works for everyone:
1) Clarity/Necessity
2) Disregard Limitations
3) Faith
4) Speaking it into existence
5) Visualize
6) Believe it is already done, place at back of mind, and put work first
7) Do big things
8) Mentor. Accountability?
…and tons of other things you have ever read about…
1. Clarity/Necessity
Look at any self-help advice in the whole entire world and you will find that everyone starts here.
It’s the one thing that they (and I guess me too) can agree on.
You can’t get somewhere if you don’t know where you are going.
Well you can, but maybe not where you want to be.
On the other hand, I genuinely believe that sometimes life just knows what is best for you, and if you are ‘stuck’ about what you want to do, where you want to head, what you want to achieve, etc., it is best to keep an open-mind and follow your interests.
Real motivation comes through action.
You can’t wait for this stuff.
Real clarity comes from competence.
You may already have that burning desire and know exactly what you want to work toward, but not everyone does, and that burning desire doesn’t always feel like that.
It feels like you’re actually burning most of the time.
Chasing your dreams will hurt, a lot.
There is so much failure in store for your big dreams you don’t understand.
But know this: Your dream is testing you.
It wants to see if you really want it.
And it usually wins.
You can’t let it! You have to think of your dream as its own entity that wants to have a bountiful life with you, but not if you’re gonna turn on it. So it is gonna hit you with everything its got.
That’s why clarity is so huge. And that’s why your dream is happy when you give up and laughs at your future lying-on-death-bed regret (was that harsh?).
You didn’t have the strength! It is happy that it knows you weren’t the right one!
You have to know what you want to do. You have to really really know.
Adopt that childhood innocence, curiosity, and open-mindedness.
Reach deep into yourself.
Write what you think you want to do down on a piece of paper. Then, write why you want to do it. After you answer why, ask “why?” about seven more times. Keep answering that question. By the seventh time, you will have a answer that truly resonates with you and can give you that initial momentum and motivaton. Trust me, this is the one exercise I know of that truly works.
Notice I said initial momentum and motivation.
You’re gonna have to check in with this thing dude.
You’re gonna forget.
Your dream is gonna play hard to get.
It wants to know that you want it, and it may even convince you that you don’t.
There are times when along the journey to chasing the big dream you realize that maybe you don’t want to do it.
And that’s fine.
But make sure you really really really really really know that’s the case.
Matter fact, let this realization come to you when you aren’t failing at that particular time. That’s when it will be easy to quit, and you may just be saying you want to quit because you are failing.
Let it come at a time when nothing in particular is happening. Decide when the odds aren’t against you.
This clarity should be so clear to you that it is imperative you do so. It needs to be a necessity.
See, for me, I fall into the trap of talking about my dreams a lot with no action. When I say you are taking no action, I don’t literally mean that. You may be working toward it everyday.
The hard truth is that maybe that’s not enough. And that was and still is a lot of the time the case for me.
I am taking no action in comparison to how much action is required. It isn’t lining up with my ambition.
We are talking about big dreams here. The road less traveled will require a different, tougher you that doesn’t cower at challenges.
I am way more ambitious than what I say I want to do, and we either need to reverse that or even that out (the latter is better).
One last thing about clarity here: Pick one thing.
I know, I know, I know it sucks. I spent too much time paralyzing myself about “all the options” I could take and what to pursue.
You’re taking life too seriously. And it should be, but it shouldn’t at the same time, ya know?
You can do all those things, but not be great at them. If your big dream is to do all of those things and be great at them then by all means shout at your device “Fuck you Ephraim!” and ignore me.
Maybe I didn’t clarify that for big dreams I was implying greatness as well.
When I talk about chasing big dreams, Mastery is important to me here (by the way, read Robert Greene’s book Mastery).
Mastery lies in the pursuit of one thing. This was hard for me to grapple with, but I will talk about the too-many-passions problem and how I have dealt with it in another blogpost.
In the meantime, read Overlap by Sean McCabe if you have this problem. The whole book is good, but it is worth buying to hear his chapter on finding your passion. It’s the most profound take on it that I have every heard.
2. Disregard Limitations
I’ll make this one quick for ya:
This is where dreams go unrealized.
Most people suck with this whole “dreaming big” concept, even though it is fairly simple.
DREAM. BIG.
That’s all.
People make it hard because they think about how hard it will be. BAM! You already failed (sigh).
Thinking about how hard/impossible or your lack of resources/knowledge or the amount of competition blah blah blah blah blah is a scarcity mindset.
You’ve already failed the first test that your dream threw at you.
Thinking about all the reasons you can’t kinda goes against the whole “dreaming big” kinda thing, right?
Yeah, so shut up and stop doing that. Think about all the reasons you can.
Anywho, moving on…
3. Faith
I believe in God.
This isn’t me trying to impose my religious beliefs upon anyone. But there should be something spiritual about this.
There should be something deep within you that is doing this for something more than yourself. It needs to necessary to your spiritual well-being.
Now I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t know how you go about that.
All I know is that when I place my dreams on the pedestal of my spirituality, it feels all that more important.
For example, here is something personal that I wrote as my final answer to why I want to pursue a particular dream (as per the exercise I told you about earlier):
I owe it to myself and to God to live out my greatest potential using the gifts he has given me. I am lucky to have been created, so I don’t want to waste what has been put into me by not harvesting it into something great.
Yeah yeah yeah, say what you want. But this stuff requires faith, not hope.
Faith is stronger than hope as are goals to dreams. Turn your hope into an unbreakable, unshakable, and unshackled faith and your dreams into goals that you will achieve.
4. Speak it into Existence
This is important.
There are many takes on this.
Speaking your dream into existence comes in two forms:
Public and Private announcement.
Your public announcement is meant to scare you.
It is meant to trap you.
We nonsensically care more of what others think rather than our own opinions, and sharing your goals publicly (and don’t I mean publicly) is supposed to light a fire under your ass.
You can’t back out now, right? Your ego is on the line!
WRONG.
I mean yes, you don’t wanna look like a fool if you don’t achieve. Your ego is on the line. Yet, this approach doesn’t always work for everyone. And honestly, it doesn’t work for me either, especially because I have stopped caring about other’s opinions.
I read an article the other day that explained how some studies have shown that publicly announcing your goals/dreams has a reverse effect.
You get a dopamine hit from simply announcing.
You feel like you have accomplished something.
You talk too much, but your actions don’t back up your ambitions.
You will go nowhere.
“So um..why are you telling me to publicly announce my goals then?”
Because it works for a lot of people. Yet, I think this is important for different reasons.
I feel great talking about my dreams, I was falling into this trap. Yet, now that I’m aware of it, I’m fine.
Don’t announce publicly and expect anything from it.
Please. Don’t.
That will be going against the “don’t expect anything” mindset that I listed at the beginning of the article.
I have reached out to others about my dreams so many times, looking for, I don’t know…something.
I wanted people to join me or support me or validate me, etc.
Any initial excitement they may show is just that.
Initial excitement.
They don’t care. I have done it plenty of times to know and nothing came from it.
If something does, great. But that is just bonus. EXPECT NOTHING AND HOLD ON TO THIS WAY OF THINKING!
Instead, announce publicly simply because you have to make this serious for yourself. I want you to make your huge dream an idea that isn’t in your head but is out there, in the real world.
Big dreams seem so out of our reach, it is okay to make it feel closer. One way to do this is to make it a little less ‘fantasy-like’ and speak it into the world.
Though it may give you some type of high even if you haven’t done anything, it brings it one step closer to reality.
It’s almost okay to fall into a mental trap of feeling good just talking about it.
Because we need it.
But shut up and get to work though, seriously.
Sean McCabe, who’s book I mentioned earlier, talks about publicly announcing your huge goal.
He talks about how the type of criticism he got from announcing his goal was crazy. All he did was say that he wanted a Lamborghini (under several conditions).
Anyone who has no chill over that doesn’t deserve to be your friend anyway. Like, what?
But he also talked about the great things that happened once he did this. People were rooting for him, he was inspiring others to chase their dreams, people were helping him! So the tradeoffs?
Way better…
What’s more important when it comes to publicly announcing your dreams is announcing to people you consider to be on a higher status than you. Sure, you don’t have to tell the world.
You can tell those few people who’s opinion you actually trust.
You are more willing to do the work after telling someone like a mentor in your field who can help you.
You may not care about looking like a loser to all of your Facebook friends you told, but you would care about looking like a fool to the opinions of important people you care about.
Another reason why this is important:
I don’t believe you have made this serious for yourself until you can be comfortable announcing it publicly.
I tell people all the time, yet it still feels uncomfortable to do so sometimes.
Why? Why should I care what others think? Why am I uncomfortable telling people what I want to do?
I have only just started getting use to telling others. I feel like the uncomfortable feeling is a lack of commitment to your vision. Your dream is still testing you, so get comfortable telling it that you are coming for it to everyone (in an inspiring, soul-searching kind of way…)!
But the private announcement is the scariest of all.
Announcing to yourself, to your soul, is super scary.
Public announcements haven’t worked for me in the past because I haven’t announced it seriously to myself first.
Here’s why I say this:
Most people tell you things like what I told you.
They tell “you may care about this…” or “doing this will light a fire under your ass and make you get to work” or “promise this person you will give them a million dollars if you don’t show up to the gym on these days and I bet you will go the gym now” kinda thing.
But honestly, if you’re like me, maybe none of this hits home for you.
Maybe you say “I don’t give a shit. I’m not giving someone that much money if I don’t go to the gym,” and that…is perfectly logical.
I believe when self-help advice doesn’t work in this way it’s because you haven’t taken it seriously. And I know, because I act this way.
Announcing anything to myself or telling myself what I was going to do meant nothing. I did it all the time and still acted the same.
Saying affirmations in the mirror daily does nothing for me.
Meditating does nothing for me.
But maybe it’s because I haven’t giving these serious consideration. And you begin to make it serious though announcing to others and yourself.
I have now made speaking a huge dream that I am going to chase a big deal.
Now I really really care.
How did I do it?
I just changed my thinking (like, literally, I just said: “yeah lemme take this seriously”).
All dreams are in our heads. I fantasize about tons of crazy things to chase in my head.
But now, I have made myself scared to say these things out loud because if I do that means I am serious and will start acting upon it.
And honestly, for some things, I’m not ready for that type of commitment. There’s one dream I have in particular that I haven’t told anyone. And I’m not going to tell you now either.
I don’t know if I am serious about it because it is a much bigger idea than the already stupidly big dream I have and struggle to act upon the way I need to.
So if I can’t get myself to do that, why would I dare dream bigger? It would be even more work!
I know that once I say it, out loud, in the mirror, I have to do it.
Isn’t that crazy?
Maybe, but I have made it that important for myself.
In another article I will share with you all my big five dreams that I have for my life at the moment.
I will publicly announce, to make it even more serious.
I already talk about them all the time to people, but now, talking about them is a more serious matter for me.
When I talk about it, I will definitely mean it. Unless I change my mind down the road. Life changes ya know…
5. Visualize
Look down the road.
See everything.
Visualize exactly how you want this to look.
Get so clear in your imagination that your dream brings a smile to your face and turns your stomach.
Make this a motivator for you.
Think about your dream when you are going through the tough times.
Don’t get mad at your dream for being hard on you.
Instead, when it’s being hard on you, smile and visualize the wonderful future your dream and you will have together once it stops throwing tests your way.
Once you visualize a dream is when it becomes a vision.
6. Believe it is already done, place at the back of your mind, put in that work!
Wrap all of those previous principles I mentioned into one lovely bundle and it brings you here, kind of.
Once you have clarity and faith, despite limitations; once you have spoken it into existence and visualized a clear picture of what the future would look like with that big dream accomplished, then believe it is already done!
What?
Yep, I said it. Act as though it has already happened.
This is an approach that Sean McCabe uses as well. With his Lambo goal, Mr. McCabe made himself believe that it was already done, he is just waiting for life to catch up.
You gotta be that annoying with yourself. The purpose of this is to stop acting like this dream of yours is so much “larger than life”.
That makes no sense.
If it was really “larger than life” than you wouldn’t be able to do it while living.
Just act like it is “part of life”. More specifically, part of your life.
You are just waiting for life to get on board. You’re tired of the shit your dreams keeps throwing at you.
You have to show it that you can stand firm.
You have to show it that you are crazy enough to believe that you already have it in the bag, you’re just waiting on the dream to stop being goofy.
But won’t this make you feel like you achieved it and then you won’t work toward it?
Don’t be stupid.
Do you really think that you can convince yourself that you have already achieved your dream? Wouldn’t your life be way better now?
But you can convince yourself that it isn’t out of your reach. Sure, it may be far, but it isn’t impossible to get there.
That’s why this principle comes with two extra steps.
Once you have believed you have already achieved (to the extent you can), place the dream at the back of your mind.
What I mean by this is almost forget that that is what you are aiming toward.
Just focus on the next steps, and check in every now and then and remind yourself “Oh shit, I am chasing that aren’t I?”
Some days when you are going through it you will say “Why the hell am I even doing this anyway?”, and that’s where the clarity, faith, and vivid picture of the future comes in.
That’s when you have reminded yourself of the necessity of what you are doing because this is actually how your life goes.
The story already happened, remember?
It almost sucks that you have to live through it knowing what the end game will be like. You just want to get to the good part, I know!
But that would ruin the story, wouldn’t it?
I mean, sure, you already know you’re there in the future, but as of right now, you forget all the time, don’t ya?
You have placed it at the back of your mind, that’s why!
Also, you know where you will end up but you also don’t really know, you’re just acting like it. So it will still be surprising.
This is also because what you are doing now is almost certainly what you won’t be doing for the rest of your life.
But as Sean McCabe explains, you have to go through the things you are doing now to get to what you will be doing for the rest of your life.
You don’t need to check in constantly. You will only grow impatient.
Just let others know your dreams when you have the chance to let them know. Only think about it when you are struggling. Just focus on what is next in moving the needle forward.
What can I be doing now?
What should I keep doing?
What should I stop doing?
What is something that I’m avoiding doing because I am being a scaredy cat? (for lack of a better word…)
Lastly, bear with me: put in the work!
I have two friends in particular where we constantly say to each other “the grind doesn’t/never stops!” (in various forms, and usually in a jokingly matter).
But we are also serious. At least, I think they are. I definitely am.
Look. No one is telling you to be an asshole to your relationships. I’m just simply telling you find those times to grind and don’t care about how weird others think you are.
Any successful person you have seen has been a werido who wouldn’t stop grinding. They turned down lunch with friends, they did whatever. Sorry, sometimes it’s hard.
I still struggle with this. Focusing on what matters and not falling into distractions like TV and social media is super hard. But, you gotta put in the work.
7. DO BIG THINGS
Chasing big dreams requires big steps. Look at the fucking picture I attached at the beginning of the article.
Now look at it again. You wanna know why those steps look so huge?
Because he’s a fucking kid!
It’s gonna feel like that at first, but once you grow, it will be easier to take those big steps and start making a climb on your own two feet. It will be natural because you have grown.
Doing big things toward your dream is exciting. Just think about how many people you are surpassing just from taking bigger action.
Your growth accelerates quicker.
You get exposed to more opportunities.
You will crave taking these big steps.
Other tasks will be child’s play compared to what you have been doing.
I did something quite big toward my dream recently, and though I failed, boy wasn’t I happy.
See, I have been spoiled.
I have had many successes from very little work for quit awhile, and now I am hitting sooooo many failures dude you wouldn’t understand.
“What happened?” said me.
I was never hot shit that’s what happened. Not that I thought I was, but immense failure was new to me.
But I have grown to love failure because it is not only important but inevitable. Just embrace it!
Be excited to hit those road blocks. Be excited when you fail at taking a big step. You will fall from that failure ahead of the person who took a small step and succeeded.
You still win!
This is because the amount of growth, opportunity, and knowledge you gain from a real-life-big-huge-experienced-failure trumps any success.
Period.
8. Mentor, Accountability?
And finally, find a mentor.
I think that is vitally important. It saves you time. Find a good one.
A good one is someone you respect widely who is doing something that you want to do.
Mentors will play hard to get, like your dreams. But if you show them that you are willing to do whatever it takes to learn from them, your growth will be huge.
Mentors can provide that real-time feedback tailored to you that a book couldn’t provide.
They can tell you things that you didn’t know you were doing wrong or that you hadn’t even thought of.
You can drastically accelerate your growth. My dad always says that “you don’t have to burn to learn.”
You don’t have to go through it to learn that something is a bad thing to do.
Mentors help you avoid these pitfalls.
As for accountability, I’m gonna be honest.
People in the self-improvement department love this idea.
Me…not so much.
It only works if you really care about the other person’s opinion of you, and then sometimes not even there. Honestly, I don’t care much about anybody’s! Even people that I should!
But I’m working on it! It’s because I haven’t made that aspect serious for myself. Yet, like I always say, life is about balancing paradoxical ideas.
I don’t care about what others think of me because in the past I have cared so much and it killed me. I don’t want to go back to that. So I have been wiring myself to not care about anybody’s.
But that isn’t good either is it. When I say care about other’s opinions, I don’t mean not caring about anything.
I’m talking about not caring what other’s think if you are just following your genuine dream-chasing self.
For a lot of our dreams, we have to care what others think and please people.
I am talking about the criticisms. Don’t care about that! You can’t let that get to you! And I am also referring to accountability. I struggle to care about what other’s think of me when it comes to them trying to hold me accountable.
There are people who’s opinions I value, but not to an extent in which they will be able to keep me accountable.
One of the reasons for announcing your goals is accountability.
Yet, I didn’t say that when I talked about publicly announcing, did I?
Because I don’t really think it works for a lot of people. People let people down all the time. Self-accountability is more important. We care about ourselves more than others. That sucks and sounds harsh I know, but it is true.
Maybe you suck at self-accountability too, you need others to be able to hold you accountable. Yet, in my experience, because of my struggle to hold myself accountable, it doesn’t work for me to rely on others either.
Maybe it is because I am a little more selfish than others, I’ll admit. But this self-accountability and selfishness is something that you just have to figure out on your own.
Question your soul as to why accountability and unselfishness matters to you.
I think we value mentors, though, and they can be a form of accountability. They are often the direct path you need to your dreams or they are often the ones who will set you on the path to the right door.
My wife, I love her to death, but I can’t rely on her for accountability.
She’s my wife! I know her too much! It works better for me when this is a person who you don’t quite know but still value such as a mentor or life coach or just my plain old self. Someone who can lead you to your big dream. Not so much as a supportive figure, but a guiding figure.
I don’t know, these are just my opinions. You don’t have to agree at all.
FINAL THOUGHTS…
Les Brown once said that
“Most people knock on the door of their dreams once, then run away before anyone has a chance to open the door. But if you keep knocking, persistently and endlessly, eventually the door will open.”
Show your dream that you will keep fucking knocking until someone opens the damn door (just translating for my man Les Brown). And along the way, people will come and help you, like a mentor or faithful supporter.
They will bring new tools: saws that can cut through the first four layers of cement to the door, machine guns that can kill the monsters in the way, and potions that will put the awakened dragon to sleep.
You can think of your supporters (such as family and good friends) as people who bring you food and water along your journey to opening the door; people who talk to you in your off time and encourage you to keep going.
Your faith will keep you patient as everyone comes to try and help you, and they will help. You will get one step closer every time.
But in the end…
…you will be the one who opens it.
I know that throughtout this article I have been talking about dreams in a negative sense, as if it is someone you have to fight to become one with.
But it’s kind of true.
I want you to enjoy this fight because I want nothing to stop you from doing what you want. Fuck that.
Make the dream out to be like a person who you know likes you even though they act like they don’t. And just patiently wait for them to admit it. Patience is key. We are so impatient, and chasing big dreams should require a super super super super super super patient you, okay?
There is no shortcut. It will take a long time. It will take over 10,000 hours, if your goal involves some type of Mastery.
It will take whatever.
That doesn’t mean you won’t experience success and good fortune on the way there.
You will be working so hard that you are bound to see tons of success, and twice as many failures.
If this is hard for you to grapple with, if you think it’s too late, if you think you’ve wasted so much of your time already, you’re wrong.
You’re just…wrong.
It’s never too late. Nothing is wasted.
The only thing that is wasted, though, is your complaining. That won’t help you at all, you know that right?
Because, get this:
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.
— Earl Nightingale
Isn’t that the most profound thing you have every heard in your life? I don’t need to say anything more about that.
I pray and wish you good fortune on your journey. Embrace it.
“Why is it important to chase big dreams?”
Because you are capable, the time will pass anyway…
That’s why.
Make the most of it, or not…
