Women’s excuses for avoiding nice guys
Before I get into the following theory, I do want to say that I have written about this before and have recognized some of the nuances that I, as a recovering nice guy or a guy that’s trying to recover from being a nice guy (nice guy in the negative sense), have tried to come to grips with, such as some of the actually valid reasons why some women may not like nice guys and/or why some nice guys may be having a hard time.
All that being said, in this article, I want to talk about my theory that some women simply aren’t attracted to nice guys and may use the idea that a lot of nice guys aren’t that nice or the whole “if they have to say they are nice, they must not be nice” as an excuse to cover up the fact that, well, they really just aren’t attracted to nice guys.
Now, people like what they like (as was casually mentioned by Ivylockewrites, who wrote an article that inspired me to write this one). And, regardless of what people like (whether their reasons are superficial, shallow, baffle our understanding, etc.), fortunately or unfortunately, it is what it is, and some people just apparently aren’t chosen for whatever reason. So yes, women have the right to go for bad boys and whatever else they are attracted to.
That being said, I want to talk about the few issues that some people may have with it. One of those issues may be the false accusations of the nice guys, as I’ve alluded to already. Make no mistake, there probably are guys, such as there are human beings in general, who pretend to be nice people or people who have other people’s best interests at heart when that is simply not the case. Of course that happens. There are all types of people in the world, some seemingly less moral than others.
However, that being said, I don’t think that it is a fair, reasonable, or even honest complaint when some women imply that nice guys are simply not that nice. I’m sure that even those women know of guys who they actually feel are genuinely nice, yet still wouldn’t give the time of day on a romantic or sexual level. Am I lying? After all, there is a running joke that goes something along the lines of, when a woman asks where are all the good guys, tell her to check her friend zone. This is said under the presumption that if those guys weren’t good guys, the women wouldn’t be friends with them in the first place, obviously.
All of that being said, I really think it’s largely an attraction issue. And both “sides”, for lack of a better word, can be called out. I mean, some men may be upset that they have been looked over if they are genuinely nice guys and the frustration and discouragement is understandable to a degree (for the women who think that it shouldn’t be a big deal to be constantly overlooked, one may want to look at Ossiana Tepfenhart’s article about how some women really don’t like feeling unattractive and overlooked either), yet, regardless of how much frustration and discouragement there is, the fact of the matter is, attraction probably can’t be controlled very much, if at all. On the flipside, it’s probably not fair for the women, in an attempt to make themselves look or feel better, to claim that nice guys all have some type of ulterior motive and simply aren’t that nice or honest.
The truth of the matter is, it’s probably just something else about nice guys that those women aren’t attracted to. It’s probably not just looks either. I find it hard to believe that all nice guys are physically horrendous or anything. It’s probably just something about the way they carry themselves or maybe women assume they aren’t “masculine” enough in spite of how some women complain about toxic masculinity.
So, fortunately or unfortunately, it may be that the bad boys seem to exude strength or it’s something about those bad boys that they respect, and as I said in another article, perhaps beyond all of the other things that men focus on in the attempt to be seen as attractive (such as height, looks, income, or even “having game”, is probably just being respected. If a woman really respects a man, even if he’s not the most handsome, that can go along way. Meanwhile, if a woman doesn’t respect a man, for whatever reason (whether she thinks he’s too soft, doesn’t have enough “swagger”, etc.), she might be his friend, but she might not want to give him any either. Go figure.
Another issue is the constant complaining about the bad boys that they choose, which, eventually, seems to bleed into being complaints towards ALL men and claiming that all men are no good, just because they aren’t attracted to the men who probably are decent people. And so it seems that some women are attracted to guys that any reasonable person could look at and know that they aren’t the most morally upright people and even know that those guys are players, but because certain women are sexually attracted to them, those women may throw all of that out of the window, or at least choose to ignore all of the red flags, but if they get played out, then comes the “all men are so bad” junk rather than it being that all of the guys they choose are so bad.
That being said, I do not know if we can say that it’s all their faults for being attracted to those guys. Some say that attraction isn’t a choice. I just don’t know how much responsibility people should take when it comes to being attracted to people and actively trying to date people who they know aren’t that good. But to be fair, that can probably go both ways. There are probably men who date women who are obviously gold-diggers, have a funky attitude, and probably just aren’t great people in general, yet just because they are hot, some guys might still kiss their butts and try to make a move on them anyway. Go figure. So yes, people like what they like and go for who they go for, but there is no need to complain about it when red flags are deliberately ignored and there is no need to paint an entire gender in a negative way based on one’s sad choices either.
Finally, the issue is how some women deliberately play with and use nice guys. There is no need to sit up there and say that those guys shouldn’t be nice to “expect anything in return” or whatever, because let’s cut the bull, a lot of people, both men and women, will probably be nicer to those they are attracted to because, obviously, they are probably trying to attract those people as well.
Now, if a woman was truly blindsided by a guy who she thought was genuinely her platonic friend and who she really thought had NO romantic or sexual interests in her whatsoever at all, fine. Maybe she really would feel that he wasn’t being straight up, that maybe he misled her, and maybe his intentions really were to try to weasel his way into her draws by forging a friendship first. Maybe. Even then though, I’m not sure if all men who try to at least build a rapport with a woman first, without creeping her out too much or “offending” her by throwing their interests out there too fast are deliberately trying to be manipulative or menacing or anything. It’s probably just their way that, fortunately or unfortunately, can backfire.
But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the women who know that a guy likes them, but still keeps that guy around, maybe because when they go out he pays for the dinners and the drinks and she’s willing to take up any resources he is willing to give, knowing that she is not trying to give him the time of day. Even though I don’t think it’s necessary to bash those guys, those guys may be what some men may refer to as simps, that is, guys who are doing way too much for women in the hopes of a romantic or sexual connection, but getting no play whatsoever at all.
Even though it’s not illegal for women to take whatever those guys are willing to give, one might say that it’s perhaps unethical or immoral for them to do that and claim they are just friends, knowing that they don’t even pay their own way a lot of the times when they go out with them. And then to add insult to injury, they may talk to those same guy friends about other guys and even cry or complain to those guys who like them if they get hurt or played out.
However, if a woman has told the guy in no uncertain terms (and perhaps even a few times to try to get it through his thick head) something like “We’re cool, but I don’t see you that way” and things like that, then one might say that at least some of the responsibility is on the man since he was told what the deal was but chose to stick around anyway. But regardless of how it all went down, my humble advice would be for women not to stay hanging around the guys that they know want them, even if it’s under the guise of friendship. They can be cordial and acquaintances with them, but I don’t know if they should be around him so much to where they cry on their shoulders about other dudes either.
In conclusion, though there are some guys out there who fake the funk and pretend to be nicer or better than they are, I really don’t think that’s the case for all, or maybe even most, nice guys that women simply aren’t attracted to. Those women have the right to be attracted to bad boys or whoever, but it may not be fair for them to complain about it, especially not to the nice guys who they know like them and it’s also probably not fair for them to blame the whole male gender because of the bad boys they chose to pursue. And finally, it’s just not a good look to lead someone on with no intentions of reciprocating, so it’s probably better to just not be around such a person too closely, even if that person was told that nothing would ever happen.
Thank you all for reading, thank you for any claps, and for any shares and comments.
