Woman’s Life: Why We Fail To Believe We Deserve Better
“Yes, I deserve a spring–I owe nobody nothing.”― Virginia Woolf
A couple of weeks back, I was hanging out with my girlfriends, and as usual, the conversation steered to my dating life and lack of a partner. For all realistic purposes, I am single.
They said — you are beautiful, smart, and kind then with a puzzle look asked, why am I still single?
Overall, I am happy and feel content with my life. If I die partner less tomorrow, I will die overall a satisfied woman.
I want what I want and I won’t settle for less.
When I started dating again this year, I wondered, where are the men who act like grown-ups?
I have been actively dating for the last couple of months, while I would like to meet a special someone, I most definitely want them to be special. Not special in a cliched or a traditional way. I am just not looking to date just to date.
To be honest, I will not just date anyone.
I have been very honest in my conversation with my dates and how I want to meet a high-value man and the reasoning behind it.
I am looking for a man who is culturally literate and simulating in a similar way I am, who is mature, financially stable, self-aware, and has compassion for the people around me.
I look for someone who has a sensibility and a sense of purpose without being arrogant and overly self-centered.
While there are many very good men out there, but may not be good for me for one or another reason. Now I have started incorporating my standards in my dating profile and of course in my conversations.
As Debbie Weiss aptly said- I am not going to date the middle-aged lothario who was still “seeing what’s out there.” Nor the guy who wanted to see me one night a week, but evaporated on all the others because it cut into his lifestyle of perpetual dating. Nor the one who thought I should sell my home and travel the world because his idea of heaven was having no responsibilities.
And certainly not the ones who thought we’d get to know each other by coming over to watch movies and “whatever.” And definitely not the guy, who is waiting for damn magic to happen.
Many men seem to take great offense to my standards. They are too high, they say. I will never find anyone, they insist. I have to give them a chance.
No, I really don’t. I won’t.
A relationship is hard work and there is no end to it. I want someone who can put up with life and all the responsibilities that come with it.
In their dating profiles, everyone says they love to travel. It’s too prosaic. But travel doesn’t necessarily make you more interesting. Nor does anything else if you can’t connect to the person you’re with.
At some point, love requires the prosaic, to create the little rituals that weave our lives together as we move into forever.
These men that take offense to my desire for a man that is of high value to me want me to settle. They may not value me or my standards but I certainly do and I am not going to apologize for that.
Perhaps they are like so many others: desperate for a relationship and seeking a significant other for self- validation. I understand it because I have felt that way as well, but not anymore.
Our society sells us repeated messages that we are not successful if we don’t have a significant other. It tells us we are not complete without our “better half.”
I am not half a person. I am a whole person. I am whole all on my own. I may want a romantic partner but I don’t need one. No one does.
And those high-value men? They exist. I know for a fact that they absolutely do.
Be Bold
Be Courageous
Be Your Best
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