Summary

The article discusses the societal judgment faced by parents, particularly mothers, who turn to alcohol to cope with the stresses of parenthood, and advocates for understanding and support instead of criticism.

Abstract

The author of the article addresses the phenomenon of "mommy wine culture," highlighting the harsh judgment often directed at parents, especially mothers, who use alcohol as a coping mechanism for the challenges of parenting. The piece underscores the significant mental and physical demands of being a stay-at-home parent, a role that is frequently undervalued and misunderstood by society, including by those without children. The author, reflecting on their own experience, emphasizes the extreme difficulty of the early years of parenthood and the lack of respect afforded to stay-at-home parents, which can contribute to the allure of alcohol as a form of escape. While acknowledging that drinking is not a healthy coping strategy, the author calls for empathy and support for parents navigating the stressful realities of raising young children.

Opinions

The author criticizes the judgmental attitude towards parents who drink to cope with the stresses of parenthood, suggesting that such attitudes are often rooted in a lack of understanding of the realities of parenting.
Stay-at-home parenting is portrayed as an incredibly challenging and thankless job, which is mentally and physically exhausting, yet receives little to no respect from society.
The author admits that before experiencing parenthood firsthand, they too held misconceptions about the ease of staying at home with children.
There is a call to recognize the immense sacrifices made by parents of young children and to offer them help and understanding rather than criticism.
The article implies that the societal glorification of drinking, combined with the lack of support for parents, contributes to the prevalence of "mommy wine culture."
The author encourages readers to subscribe to Medium for more content and shares links to their other articles on related topics, indicating a broader interest in the impact of alcohol on life and parenting.

Why you should stop blaming “mommy wine culture” on moms (right now)

I recently read a very judgmental and pretty nasty comment on a story about “mommy wine culture”.

Judging by the avatar and general misunderstanding about the realities of parenthood, this person clearly hadn’t had children yet.

I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of “eww, how disgusting, imagine drinking to deal with parenting your own precious child … so incredibly selfish!”

I suppose I shouldn’t be all that surprised given people without kids often fancy themselves as experts on how to raise kids.

Frankly, I probably would have had the same kind of arrogant reaction when I was in my 20s too.

I thought I knew everything back then.

But I have to admit that, even at this stage of life and with the knowledge I’ve gained, I was a little taken aback at the hostility.

People drink to deal with all kinds of challenges and, contrary to popular belief, parenthood can be deeply challenging.

I’m not saying drinking to deal with the stresses of parenthood is a healthy choice — not by any means.

If I thought drinking alcohol solved problems I wouldn’t dedicate 90 percent of my writing to the opposite take.

But I do understand it.

“Mommy wine culture” as it’s presented in the media. (Digital illustration credit: James Julian/Dall-E 2)

Parenting can be extremely stressful and draining

One thing young adults don’t understand about parenting is that it’s nothing like the image presented in the goofy sitcoms or romantic comedies they watch.

There is no job as thankless and mentally demanding as that of a stay-at-home parent.

And I will be the first to admit that I didn’t understand that until I actually tried doing it.

When we had our first child, my wife stayed home on maternity leave for a year.

“How lucky that she gets to stay home all day,” I would think to myself as I headed off into the adult world to work and talk with people my own age and eat my lunch in peace and at my leisure.

It wasn’t until I took a buyout from my job and spent a year and a half at home caring for a toddler and early elementary-aged kid that I understood that the person going to the office to work is, in many ways, the lucky one.

Early parenthood is extremely taxing, but I will point to this as a massive benefit: it makes you appreciate the little things.

To wit:

A quiet lunch where you can eat at less than a 100 mph pace
A full night’s sleep
A quiet evening in front of the TV
30 minutes of peace and quiet
Having any time at all to do things that are important to you as an individual, like exercise or a creative pursuit
Literally just being able to go to the washroom without someone screaming for you or slamming on the door

Or the holy grail: an incredibly rare parents-only vacation even for a day or two.

Stay-at-home parents get zero respect

Currently, I’m in a phase where I absolutely adore being a parent. My kids are 9 and 13, they’re funny and smart and wonderful to be around.

I get to hang out with them, coach them in hockey, and do activities that parents and kids can both sincerely enjoy.

It’s great.

But for me, the “young kids phase” was extremely tough.

Some people do love it. Some people do adore having babies and toddlers around.

But I’d wager my life savings that most people find it deeply challenging and exhausting.

One thing people don’t warn you about having young kids is just how much it turns your life — and your sense of self as an individual — upside down.

It takes a great deal of toughness and sacrifice.

Plus, if you’ve chosen to stay at home, people secretly (or sometimes overtly), look down on you.

This is the reality of being the stay-at-home parent of young children.

It’s one of the most taxing, draining jobs in the world — both mentally and physically — and you get precisely zero respect for doing it.

I remember, after I took that buyout, I posted something cute and funny on Twitter about a drawing I had done with my son while I was home taking care of him.

You know what the first reply was?

“Man, you really need to get a job.”

Putting it together

So here we have a difficult, deeply misunderstood undertaking that people basically spit on you for doing instead of going to a quiet office all day to hang out with the other grown-ups.

No wonder moms (and dads) drink.

And no wonder they embrace it as an identity in a society that glorifies drinking.

Again, is it the best choice?

Absolutely not.

I touch on that in a piece I wrote last week called “How alcohol makes your 4 common life problems much, much worse.”

But if a new parent in your life is still working this stuff out, give them a damn break.

Maybe offer to help them out here and there instead of being judgmental.

You can’t possibly understand what they’re going through.

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