3 things young adults deeply misunderstand about having kids

Let me tell you about the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me on the internet.

This was deep into one of the COVID-19 lockdowns when Twitter was a warzone between right-wing do-nothings and COVID-zero lunatics.

Those of us trying to find a middle ground where we could fight the pandemic but not destroy our and our kids’ lives in the process had no home there.

To say working parents were “worn down” during that era doesn’t even come close to capturing just how destroyed we all were.

COVID broke us.

The pressure of trying to maintain careers and keep up with work demands while taking care of and educating young, needy kids at home due to school closures (and the guilt of feeling like we were doing poorly at both while trying to juggle) was crushing.

At my lowest point, I took to Twitter to vent about one of the nonsense measures that had taken away a low-risk activity from our struggling kids and this childless, late-20s fellow decided to chime in with his 2 cents.

I’m paraphrasing, but it went something like this: “I don’t know what the big deal is, I was a kid once and I would have just occupied myself.”

I kid you not, this comment was the trigger that finally pushed me to quit Twitter for good.

In the depths of COVID depression, as we agonized about how our kids had their educations, sports, activities, friends, and even engaged, happy parents taken away, this guy was drawing on his experience as a child to tell me how easy parenting actually was.

I could have flipped the table over.

This is like the “control your kids” people.

Buddy, if you think kids are easy to “control”, you have no f**king clue.

If you think parenting is easy, you are completely lost. (Image licensed under the Unsplash+ License)

Rich rewards, well earned

Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life.

It’s also been one of the hardest.

Isn’t that always the way things go?

I don’t know why we, as a society, find it so hard to talk about how challenging parenting can be, especially at the start.

Maybe it’s because of the way it’s presented in pop culture romantic comedies and goofy sitcoms. It’s all fun and games … things are always picture-perfect and flow effortlessly.

Maybe we worry that we’ll be judged against people who always seem to have it all together, who love every second of it.

Maybe it’s because of the “control your kids” people.

Me? I don’t care. If someone asks me, I’ll tell them the truth.

It’s amazing. I wouldn’t change a thing.

But this s**t is hard sometimes (especially when kids are very young).

Here are three things that judgmental non-parents don’t understand about raising kids.

1. Becoming a parent is extremely jarring

When you have your first child, you’re in for one of the most joyful times of your life.

You’re so happy and excited and so is everyone else! Everyone wants to see the baby! Everyone wants a picture! Everyone dotes on you! You are on a natural adrenaline high! It’s wild!

Then, I would say about two weeks later, when your visitors have flown home and everyone else has gone back to their regular lives of going to movies and going out for dinner and sleeping through the night, it hits you.

The life you had as individual adults and as a couple is gone.

Like GONE gone.

Want to go to the gym right now? Want to see that new movie? Sorry, you need to plan for that.

Exhausted after a long day of work and just want to go to bed? Nope, nice try. Babies stay up LATE.

Want to just do something really simple, like be quiet for a bit?

Just be alone?

Eat a meal in peace?

Fool around?

Go for a quiet drive?

Work on something creative that’s important to you?

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

You are responsible for another human life now, and that little human needs a new diaper NOW.

2. You can feel trapped

You soon realize there is no escape, no matter how terrible you feel on any given day.

This is your new life, one that everyone eventually figures out but very few people are truly prepared for at the start.

A life that has just been turned upside down in ways you never would have thought of.

This can be extremely difficult for people to deal with.

There’s a reason new parents are often exhausted and deeply depressed.

Ever see parents sitting at the park with babies and toddler-aged children, just kind of staring? Do they look happy to you?

Yeah, sometimes they are (on the good days). But often, they aren’t.

They’re sad or tired from being up all night or recovering from a challenging morning, not to mention whatever else is going on at their jobs or with their finances or families.

Frequently they wish they were anywhere else but that damn park.

You love these little beings more than you ever thought you could love another living thing.

When they walk or talk or surprise you with a funny line or a funny face or a first step, you will feel happier than you’ve ever felt before.

But it ain’t easy. Those moments are earned.

3. The emotional wringer

Nothing hurts more than seeing your child get hurt. Whether physical (falling off a bike or something) or emotional (getting bullied at school, being excluded, etc.).

The flip side of the joyful moments coin is that you are constantly put through the emotional wringer — not only by your own challenges but by your kids’ as well.

There is no high like seeing your children succeed.

And there is no lower low than seeing them struggle.

The priceless rewards

I love parenting now.

My kids are 9 and 12 and they’re unbelievably cool. They’re smart and funny, and we are constantly doing fun things together.

Nothing beats the joy of a weekend away at a hockey tournament.

Instead of watching Planes: Fire & Rescue for the one-millionth time in the same old boring room, we can go see Top Gun Maverick at the theatre together.

Instead of me inhaling food at the restaurant while trying to keep them on the rails and their toys and food on the table, I can eat at a normal human pace and chat with them while we watch the hockey game on the monster screen.

Would go back in time to when they were babies and toddlers if I could?

Yeah, that’s going to be a hard pass from me. It’s the toughest phase of life, in my humble opinion.

So for those arrogant, clueless types who see a new parent struggling not to drop the eggs in the grocery aisle while the kids are shaking the building’s foundation with their screams … instead of thinking or saying “control your kids,” just shut the hell up.

Or maybe offer to help them pick up something they dropped.

And to those people grinding through the “little kid phase”, I’ll tell you what my dad told me during one of those early, chaotic restaurant breakfasts: “It really does get a lot easier.”

That may feel impossible to believe at the moment, but trust me when I say it’s true!

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