SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Why They Just Won’t Grow with You

Day 30, 50 questions for deep self-reflection

This is day 30 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.

DAY THIRTY: How can you stop trying to make someone else’s growth happen on your timeline?

Intensity

This is an intense question. I have done this so many times with so many people and it all came from a place of thinking I was more aware and enlightened than I actually was. It also came from a space of me trying to manipulate and control my environment (my external experience), instead of focusing on the internal — that’s what this question is all about.

When we try to encourage another’s growth because we feel like we’re advancing and they’re not, it’s not about them. It’s completely about self. And that’s not a bad thing; however, we do need to remember that we can’t change anyone but ourselves. We can’t affect any growth in anyone but ourselves. And if we are naive and conceited enough to think that somebody needs to catch up to us, it is not a sign of truth, it is a sign that we’re not as far along as we think because that thinking is, lack thinking. That thinking is still based on the external and there’s no growth in that, at least, not real growth.

Don’t motivate, inspire instead

In trying to motivate rather than inspire, we try to control an external experience. If we want to ‘affect’ somebody else’s growth, the only way to do so is through inspiration. And to do that (based on the very concept of inspiration) we must first grow ourselves. I think that when we look at someone else and try to encourage their growth what we’re really saying is that we think we’ve grown enough, and now everybody else needs to catch up. I mean, that’s ridiculous, right? That even sounds ridiculous.

Again, I say this all from the point of view of someone who’s done it, a lot, and still does it now. Because occasionally (often), my own growth slips, and I drop into that mindset of thinking I know everything and wanting other people to have that thing that I know. No, that’s not what it’s about.

How can I stop trying to make someone else’s growth happen on my timeline?

• By remembering that MY growth is the only thing I have any perceived control over.
• By knowing that everyone’s journey is their own just as my journey is my own.
• By acknowledging that in a moment of thinking that I’m further along than somebody else, it’s evidence that I’m not.
• By knowing that my place in this world is to inspire not to motivate.
• By inspiring others through simply being me.
• By knowing that there is no such thing as a timeline — we go forward, we go back, but ultimately, the only path is towards self.

If you are interested in the journey so far — all the days that came before, I’ve collected all the article links here:

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