Why People Like Lizzo Choose Monogamy Without the Tags

Do you think monogamy should be without rules?

In an interview with Breakfast Club, the pop singer and fat positive activist, Lizzo, 34, explained why she hates conventional relationships.

Though Lizzo keeps her romantic life private, she has made it clear that her relationship with Mike Wright is polygamous. Lizzo says she doesn’t mind if her partner dates other people as long as he always comes back to her.

In 2017, the singer married herself in her hit music video, “The Truth” to express what freedom means to her as a single woman.

For a “single-minded individual” in love with her independence and personal freedom, no doubt her decision to choose a non-monogamous shouldn’t come as a surprise.

Lizzo goes on to state that she’s been hurt by the expectations of monogamy, hence her reason to opt for a non-traditional monogamous relationship.

Relationships go with tags. Tags are expectations society imposes on all relationships. Whether you are in a monogamous, polygamous, asexual relationship, etc, you are expected to play by their respective rules.

What caught my interest and that of the one hundred people who commented on the interview was the confusion Lizzo expressed about polygamy.

Lizzo believes love is all that matters in relationships. She says her relationship is polygamous, yet, she expects monogamous conformity with her partner.

She wants a relationship without rules, anyone can date whoever they want and do what pleases them, but without rules, there are no boundaries. So anyone can infringe on the rights of the other without worrying about the consequences.

Maybe that’s Lizzo definition of non-traditional monogamy after all. Most people run to polygamy as a safety net from monogamous expectations but they fail to realize that polygamy has its own limitations. As much as you get hurt in monogamous relationships, polygamy hurts too.

Why we are ditching traditional monogamy

Everything we’ve been told about sex is wrong. And the way we market monogamy has led to many failed relationships. Monogamy is tougher on women than it is on men.

Some study has proved that women’s libido decreases in long-term relationships, unlike what popular convention says. Women need variety, novelty, and sexual adventure every bit as much as men do, and possibly more. And when they don’t get it, they shut down sexually. Another study revealed that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s or 40s, while men reach their peak in their early 20s.

However, there is no definitive proof about sexual peak for both men and women as other factors contribute to fluctuating sexual desire.

Monogamy is unhealthy and unrealistic

The concept of monogamy expects romantic and sexual exclusivity to be in place very early in their relationships and that they denounce infidelity. It imposes a lot of expectations on their partners.

Those who adopt alternative monogamous relationships- like the ‘consensual non-monogamy’ which allows for romantic or sexual relationships beyond the primary relationship, with the partner’s consent — agree that monogamous relationships are far less stable because people use jealousy, monitoring, and suspicion as tools to hold their partners to this difficult standard.

Monogamous culture expects us to find all our needs in one partner. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees that you will meet the right person within a certain period of time. In fact, there’s no guarantee that you’ll EVER meet the right person, but there is hope.

Monogamy dehumanizes women

A woman who boasts of “none” or “few lovers” is valued more highly than a woman who boasts of many lovers. We encourage boys and men to play in the field, sow their seeds and get as many notches on their belts as possible.

We idolize men for being Casanovas, while women are vilified for doing the same. In other words, women are forced into monogamous relationships to maintain their reputations.

That’s why I think monogamy harms women. It makes women pitiful creatures if they don’t marry at a certain age. I despise it when someone asks why a beautiful woman over 35 isn’t married. I hate it more when those same women complain about not being married.

When we make sexual exclusivity the main marker of commitment and love, we are implying that failure to uphold that means that the relationship has failed. And for a single woman without an exclusive commitment, you are stigmatized for not meeting social standards of a desirable woman.

Conventional monogamy is toxic

Monogamy becomes toxic when society dictates the type of relationship couples should have. Monogamy becomes an issue for individuals who eternalize a possessive or unhealthy form of love.

Even the most disciplined person can easily betray their morals when faced with an unexpected and irresistible attraction to another.

We may eventually fall in love with friends and be forced to end the friendship because the feelings are not reciprocated. But just because friendships have the potential to be something more, when one or both of you don’t want it to happen, doesn’t mean we deny all friendships.

However, no matter what relationship style you choose, I think we should respect other people’s relationship choices. Just because you practice non-monogamous partnering doesn’t mean you should ignore other sexual partners and their expectations.

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