Why Isn’t Boyfriend School A Real Thing?

A quick Twitter exchange made me realize there’s a huge, boyfriend-sized gap in our education system

I was replying to @A_Story_of_A on Twitter who commented on my funny German men pee sitting down story when I stumbled upon this conversation:

Which made me wonder: truly, why isn’t there a school where people can learn how to boyfriend?

Why Isn’t There A Boyfriend School?

You can take classes on how to survive the zombie apocalypse. Or learn how to ride a unicycle. Or courses all about Game of Thrones.

And there are clown schools. I mean, who wants to be a creepy-ass clown? But there are definitely schools for learning exactly how to be one. And because one type of clown isn’t horrifying enough. There are even different types of clowns. And you can learn them all!

So why isn’t there a boyfriend school?

At the very least, there should be a weekend workshop where guys can learn the basics of how to be a good boyfriend.

And it doesn’t have to be geared toward heteros. It could be for anyone who wants to learn how to please their partner.

Why is that so much to ask?

What Does The Google Machine Say?

As usual, I took to Google to find out if such a thing exists.

And I found this incredible (maybe, I don’t know) movie starring Shelley Long, Kyle MacLachlan, and Steve Guttenberg. Why have I never heard of this masterpiece before?

I have no idea why A Knight’s Tale is showing up as the photo in that The Boyfriend School IMDb.com link preview. But I assure you seeing Heath Ledger is 110% better than the previous photo of IT that was showing up, so count your blessings I’m not sending you to clown school. I know I would cry every day if I were sent there. You’re welcome.

I also found this link about a book by the same name, upon which the non-A Knight’s Tale movie above was based.

And now I need to read it since it’s on many romance readers’ Desert Island lists. If it’s good enough for them to reread over and over on a desert island, it’s good enough for me to read at least once.

Then there’s this Wikihow link teaching those in middle school how to get a boyfriend. I sure could have used this when I was young! I took to making up fanfic about my non-existent love life.

My favorite part from that Wikihow are the Warnings at the bottom:

Thanks, Wikihow, for having our backs after advising us to change our appearance and telling us to chase after boys relentlessly. Way to confuse the poor, lovelorn middle schoolers.

And finally, there’s a set of videos I haven’t watched called “Millennial Boyfriend School.” I’m slightly concerned to watch these as they’re praised by a site called Brobible, of which I’m unfamiliar, but it’s all a bit concerning. Maybe I’ll get up the courage to watch it later.

Really, Why Isn’t Boyfriend School A Real Thing?

The more I think about it, the more I like the idea.

Maybe it’s because I had a long string of bad relationships where I would’ve loved to send my boyfriends to learn to be better boyfriends. Or maybe I just think everyone can learn to be better towards other people, especially the ones they supposedly love.

I’m not opposed to Girlfriend School, but since the Twitter proposition was for Boyfriend School, I’m sticking with the theme.

Some Ideas For Boyfriend School Curriculum (which can be changed to gender neutral, depending on relationship):

1. How to Handle When Your Girlfriend Cries (in honor of the Twitter conversation that inspired this post)
2. When To Give A Woman Flowers (And When Not To Since Not Everyone Likes Flowers, Nor Should It Be Used On The Regular As A Cop Out For Bad Behavior, Or To Get Make-Up Sex)
3. Don’t Ghost Your Girlfriend, You Prick
4. Does Chocolate Fix Everything? (Not Necessarily, But It Helps With Most Things)
5. When Should I Delete My Tinder/Bumble/Grindr apps and/or JWed.com/Plenty of Fish/Match.com/OkCupid/AdultFriendFinder profiles?
6. Manscaping: The Kindest Thing You Can Do For Your Relationship
7. Does She Or Doesn’t She Want To Commit?
8. Communication Is An Aphrodisiac
9. When Is Sexting Appropriate?
10. How Soon Should We Announce Our Relationship on Social Media?

And for the boyfriend who lapses into bad behavior, perhaps there could be remedial classes reviewing things like:

1. Respecting Your Girlfriend’s Time: Don’t Tell Her You’ll Call When You Won’t
2. When Meeting Her Family For The First Time, It May Not Be The Best Time To Discuss Your Sexcapades
3. Don’t Use Tinder And Swipe Right On Your Girlfriend’s Best Friend When On A Double Date With Her and Her Boyfriend

The More I Think About It, The More I Want It

Can someone please make this happen? I promise to send you all my future business, which, if your school does its’ job, would mean one boyfriend-in-training who would turn into the best boyfriend for keeps.

And maybe they could graduate to Husband School, should that be something of interest. I’m still working through the details.

If you liked this, you might like a couple of my other stories:

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