Summary

The article discusses the author's preference for traditional, written love letters over modern sexting practices that rely heavily on emojis.

Abstract

The author expresses a clear disdain for the use of emojis, particularly the eggplant emoji, as a form of romantic or sexual suggestion in text messages. Despite the convenience and playfulness of emojis, the author argues that they lack the romantic and sensual power of well-crafted words. The article reminisces about the charm of handwritten love letters and poems, suggesting that the effort put into writing can be more alluring and effective in setting a romantic mood than a string of cartoonish images. The author encourages potential suitors to invest effort in their words, asserting that genuine communication will be more rewarding than relying on emojis to convey intimacy.

Opinions

Emojis, especially those used for innuendo like the eggplant, are seen as unsexy and a poor substitute for actual words.
The author finds the use of emojis in romantic contexts to be more humorous than romantic, likening it to being romanced by Looney Tunes characters.
There is a strong preference for the written word, with a yearning for the romance of love letters and poetry.
The author is not entirely against the use of images or memes but emphasizes that they must be used appropriately and in the right context.
The article suggests that making the effort to write personal messages can lead to more intimate and fulfilling interactions.
The author implies that the use of emojis requires less effort and is less genuine than written communication.

Sexting Is The 21st Century Love Letter

And it feels like I’m being romanced by Looney Tunes.

When a boyfriend or friend with benefits sends me a message with an eggplant emoji, I’m anything but turned on.

I’m looking at it wondering why on earth anyone would want to send me an eggplant, my least favorite fruit.

It’s slimy.

It’s bitter.

It’s gross.

“No, no, no, it’s my penis!” they text back.

I stand corrected.

But no less grossed out.

At least it’s not an unsolicited dick pic. But still, an eggplant is really — truly — not sexy.

There has to be more than emoji-fied innuendo to romance. Where have all the wonderful words gone?

Welcome to the World of Sexting Emojis

The world of sexting emojis: a cartoony world of romance, innuendo, and, if they go off script, utter confusion.

Why are you sending me spitting corn on the cob? Oh. Nevermind.

Still not sexy.

But really, it feels like Bugs Bunny is trying to romance me through an electronic device. And not even one that vibrates at the right time in the right places.

Unless he orders an industrial-grade vibrator from ACME for me, then, maybe I’ll consider Bugs Bunny’s potential.

But otherwise, emojis do nothing to get me in any sort of mood other than wanting to check out what I have in the fridge.

What’s a Fan of the Written Word to Do?

What’s a 20th Century woman with a love of the written word to do in this emoji-fied world?

I’ve asked for love letters only to receive eyerolls into the next century.

Even my ex, who left so much to be desired in other ways, used to leave me sweet, handwritten poems or additions to the half-written snippets I had laying around.

It was so enticing.

But I’m not so old and dated that I insist it has to be pen and ink. It can be an email or a message — using words.

Use Your Words

I’m not anti-cartoon or anti-photograph or even anti-meme. I think each can be used to great effect.

They’ve changed the way we use language and the way we tell stories. But it needs to be done correctly. And for the right audience. In the right context.

But if you’re trying to woo a lover of words, the way to woo her is to use your words, not images.

Yes, it will take a bit of effort. But don’t you want to be rewarded for your wordsmithery with copious amounts of the things you hoped your emojis hinted at?

Yes, I think you should work for it, just like you’re trying to make me work through whatever you’re getting at by sending me flying hot dogs.

And yes, if you use your words — they don’t even have to be the best words, just your words — you will get lucky tonight!

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