Why Is It Harder to Earn Respect as a Woman?
People seem split on whether respect should be a given or must be earned; regardless, as a woman, it is more challenging to earn such respect.
Responses to my article, “Why Do I Trigger Men When I Demand Respect as a Woman?” ranged from enthused agreement to downright hostility. Who was I to demand respect? How entitled of me, commenters wrote. A few people argued that respect should be earned, not automatically bestowed.
In light of this, I conducted a poll on Twitter:
So, the results for this statistically insignificant but anecdotally interesting poll suggest that people are divided, with slightly more than half of the respondents believing that respect must be earned rather than automatically endowed.
At the same time, a few people commented below the Twitter poll to elaborate, indicating views that echoed those of my comment feed in response to my “Why Do I Trigger Men When I Demand Respect as a Woman?” article. In short, many people who believe that we must earn respect also concede that basic civility should be accorded, and that disrespect off the bat is also unacceptable.
Respect, from the Oxford Languages Dictionary is defined as:
- a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
‘The director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor.’”
2. due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.
‘young people’s lack of respect for their parents’”
Interestingly, as a verb, respect is also defined as “avoiding harm or interfering with.”
Civility, meanwhile, is defined as “Formal politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech.
‘I hope we can treat each other with civility and respect.’”
So, depending on how you define respect, it can mean fundamental civility; in other contexts, it may mean deeper appreciation. For me personally, when I say I demand respect, I do mean, at heart, basic civility, or a lack of disrespect.
Why is it so hard to not feel disrespected on an everyday basis as a woman? Could it be that it’s because some level of disrespect toward women is embedded in the very fabric of our culture?
I’ve been writing a lot lately about dating dynamics, which have also triggered a lot of men who seem unwilling and unable to understand the fundamental unevenness of gender relations in a patriarchal system where women’s labor and time is systematically devalued.
One man I had been seeing off and on in particular had provoked my writing lamenting men not doing the bare minimum and the subsequent accompanying articles. His behavior was not the sole catalyst for my analyses, but it propelled me to work to elucidate my perspectives on the disparities and struggles I have been grappling with as a woman in the dating world.
This man, who relentlessly pursued me despite not being available, continued to do so even after the offending message that he primarily just wanted a physical relationship with me, no strings attached, and even after my continued silence. And yes, I had already blocked him, but due to a glitch, his messages still came through to me via WhatsApp.
He also followed up to repeat his expression of gratitude:
So I guess my efforts to earn his respect finally paid off to a degree. My intention and hope in writing these articles was not to trigger men (though I knew this would come too) but to educate men and try to show my perspective of why a woman’s time, attention, and energy need to be earned. Just as many of you believe that respect needs to be earned, so does a woman’s trust, time, and energy.
References:
“Civility.” (2022). Lexico. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/civility
“Respect.” (2022). Lexico. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/respect
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