Why Do I Trigger Men When I Demand Respect as a Woman?
I expected my article, “Why Is It So Hard for Men to Do the Bare Minimum?” to receive some backlash, but I wasn’t prepared for the extent of it.
I’ll admit, by not adding a qualifier in the title, “Why Is It So Hard for Some Men to Do the Bare Minimum?” this act of generalization alone caused quite a stir among men. Should I have added the qualifier? Eh. To me, it’s implied that I’m only talking about the men it applies to. I also am specific in the actual article that I’m asking why is it so often hard for men to do the bare minimum. So maybe if you are triggered, ask yourself why.
The comments in response to my article fall generally into one of two camps: either the men who feel triggered and attacked and who spew judgment and accusations toward me in return or the women who resonated with my story and thanked me for my excellent points. I’ve already written two spin-off pieces based on this article.
It feels simultaneously exhilarating, vindicating, and tremendously frustrating for me to both have published and received such attention for these takes on dating, patriarchy, and the inherent power imbalance in relations between men and women. The comments my articles have received prove my points as to how at odds men and women feel with dating dynamics and the privileges entitled to them. I feel saddened further that it was these articles on dating and power imbalances that have garnered my writing more attention than those on my journey in healing, spiritual growth, and growing into my purpose.
I believe that the uneven symmetry between the attention given to my articles on dating and relationships versus my articles on healing and spirituality also highlights how deeply disconnected men tend to be from their spirituality. Further, I believe it is our individualist, patriarchal system that encourages us to be divorced from our spirituality.
I do believe in sacred sexuality, and that sexuality is an essential expression of our life force. When men try to approach sex so casually, pursuing women to fulfill their basic sexual drive, and expecting a woman’s access and energy without giving anything in return besides their own physical and sexual energies, they are degrading the act of sex. They are degrading the connection and energy bond created by the intimate coupling. Such an act catalyzes and harnesses our own divine energy. We each cultivate our energy, sexually, spiritually, and otherwise, and we should be conscious of how we share such energies, to help build us into a unified, healthy whole being rather than one who is fragmented and unclear as to how to energetically reconcile the different facets of our identities.
Many men tend to have a difficult time discerning how to obtain sex and not feel pressured into a monogamous relationship or, often, into any obligations at all. Well, guess what? It is possible to have a radically honest, open, mutually fulfilling relationship or tryst without all of the baggage of societal expectations. It requires honesty and mutual respect. It requires men to give women their due and acknowledge our value. It requires clear and honest communication. It requires generosity and gratitude.
As I’ve said before, the system of monogamy stems from our system of patriarchy; these systems fail both men and women, but they put women at even more of a disadvantage. We must try to navigate around unnatural systems that degrade our relationships and set us at odds with each other.
So, to the men, I encourage you to work toward developing awareness of the earthly and spiritual knowledge you stand to benefit from when you truly earn a woman’s submission. The deeper you appreciate a woman beyond her physicality, the more you pair it with other love languages, the more your own relationship with yourself, relationships, sex, and intimacy will continue to grow and blossom.
So let us all collectively do better. Our relationships with other people can only be as healthy as our relationships with ourselves. To heal, we need to consciously heal both our divine masculine and divine feminine wounds. We need each other to heal; men, honor women, and appreciate us for the divine heart-openers we are.
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References:
Chapman, Gary. (January 2015). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” Northfield Publishing, Chicago. Retrieved from https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/
Ryan, C. and Jetha, C. (2012). Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships. Harper Perennial: New York.
