Why I feel Children Need to Be Protected Against Evil Step-Parents

You speak down to my kids or lay a hand on them and you are out!

As a divorced mom, the stability and happiness of my children has always been a priority for me. During the divorce process, I even asked my now ex if we needed to write something into the divorce papers about how his possible future wife would parent, or rules that would be in place for how she would treat our children, so that they would always be protected. He looked at me and assured me that was not necessary because he would never be with anyone who did not treat our children with the utmost love and respect. I believe that he will keep his word and I feel the same way.

Unfortunately, not all children are so lucky. A good friend of mine married a man that her son did not get along with. As her son got older the problems escalated. Now he is living in a state home two hours north of where we all live and will not even speak to his mother, he is so angry with her for staying with her husband.

In another case I know of, a young man is living with his mom and stepdad, and it is not going well. He wants to go live with his dad full time and the mom is now fighting that. The young man happens to be gay, and the stepdad is in the military and is a strict Catholic and is not accepting of the fact that he is gay. The stepdad is psychologically abusive, and the mom does not seem to get it. The young man even recorded some of the things the stepdad said to him on his phone. The mom makes excuses and basically says it was a joke. Sometimes she even makes her son apologize to the stepdad because his feelings are hurt. I heard the recordings myself and I was appalled, in fact, I wanted to cry. The mom continues to stand up for her husband, the stepdad, over defending her own child.

I don’t get it. As a mom, I simply do not understand how anyone would tolerate someone mistreating my child.

“There is little that gives children greater pleasure than when a grown up lets himself down to their level, renounces his oppressive superiority, and plays with them as an equal.” ~ Sigmund Freud

It is not the stepparent’s place to discipline. The child already has two parents. It is their role to offer additional love and support. It is the parent’s role to parent. If the stepparent has a problem with something the child is doing they should go to their spouse and discuss it and then let the mom or dad talk directly to the child to resolve the issue.

I would be absolutely livid if my future husband spoke to my son the way that man speaks to that young man. I simply would not tolerate it.

Children need to feel accepted, respected, safe, and loved. Those are basic human needs. That is part of the process of raising secure responsible people. Children do not learn through force. They are human beings with feelings.

I am all for people remarrying and reshaping their families, please do not get me wrong, but have your children's back. In the second example, the young man’s dad was very supportive of his son living with the mom and stepdad until the son started telling him what was going on and how abusive the stepdad was being. I simply feel that child’s rights should always be protected. I am a huge advocate against all forms of abuse and when I witness psychological abuse it not only breaks my heart but enrages me.

Thank you so much for reading this. I am Libby Shively McAvoy and I have survived both emotional and physical abuse. I am now a Relationship and Personal Development Coach and writer specializing in Emotional Intelligence. I believe that by teaching people how to raise their emotional intelligence it will decrease their urge to abuse others. Raising emotional Intelligence creates awareness, builds empathy, and strengthens verbal and non-verbal communication skills.