The Miracle of Life
As I have witnessed myself through the childbearing process, each conception and birth is a miracle
Conceiving children is not easy and I feel fortunate to have two beautiful children of my own. Unfortunately, I went through two terribly upsetting miscarriages which taught me a lot of respect for life. Before having my miscarriages, I had no idea how difficult childbearing or conceiving could be. I was naive to the fact that my own sister was adopted because my mom was told she could not have any more children after my older brother, but then fourteen years later I was her miracle baby, or…her “oops”, as my sister refers to me. We “joke” about it now, but in all honesty, I think I have some attachment issues because of the jokes associated with those comments.
I miscarried for the first time early in my marriage. My husband (we’ve since divorced, which I just say now for clarity later) and I had been married a year and we wanted children. I miscarried at 10 weeks. I was almost in what is considered the safe zone for pregnancy. The miscarriage traumatized me. I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I let my husband down. He is Irish Catholic so you can only imagine the guilt and the grief. I too was incredibly heartbroken. I felt empty and worthless.
He took me to Washington D.C. and we enjoyed a romantic loving weekend away which was exactly what I needed, but it did not replace the loss I felt. I was so grateful that he at least understood the pain that I was feeling. He reassured me we would try again when the time was right. A year later we did. We had a beautiful baby girl named Morgan. The pregnancy was not easy, but it was certainly successful. Up until last year, she was thriving, but now that she is in her early twenties, she is experiencing some serious health concerns. She is on disability at the University of Kentucky which has been extremely humbling to her as she has a dedicated spirit and is committed to succeeding in life. The disability office has been instrumentally helpful in helping her facilitate communication with professors regarding much-needed time off when she is unable to attend classes due to surgical procedures, tests, travel to the Cleveland Clinic, or particularly bad sick leave.
So, this is one example of why I know each child is a miracle. Morgan shows me each day of her life that she is a miracle simply by showing up. Last year the doctors diagnosed her as having several debilitating invisible diseases (meaning no one can see them) such as Dysautonomia, POTS, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Her heart rate spikes and she passes out randomly, she throws up daily even with anti-nausea medicine to the point where she had to have a feeding tube temporarily, she has muscle twitching and spasms, and other neurological problems. She even had to stop driving for six months because her neurologist felt it was not safe. She looks like a beautiful 21-year-old but feels like an eighty-year-old. You see, she feels like shit 90% of the time but she insists on showing up to school and to work when she can, not only showing up but excelling. Why? Because it makes her feel fulfilled. It gives her life purpose and without that, she would be lost. Some people file for disability and use it as a crutch, but not my strong girl. No way. She is hellbent on showing the world what she is made of! She has taught me what it means to be resilient.
“You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete.” ~George Strait
And then came Corwin. In the womb, I was told he was likely to have Trisomy 18. Most babies born with Trisomy 18, a more severe form of Down Syndrome where the fetus is not expected to live beyond the second trimester, do not survive more than several months. I am sure you can imagine our grief. I had very low amniotic fluid and his birth weight would be low. What a terrifying diagnosis. My husband and I met with a team of expert doctors at Children’s Hospital in Cincinnati. We were grateful for their expertise and care, but I had to trust my gut instinct. They offered the opportunity for late abortion due to the extreme risks at birth and thank God we chose to decline.
After scary pre-term labor and three months of bed rest, I carried to term and our son was born with three choroid plexus cysts on his brain. We were told as long as he progressed normally everything should be okay. Sure enough, he not only progressed okay, but he also progressed ahead of each milestone. He was our miracle baby. Fortunately, he does not have Trisomy 18, however, at the age of 12 he had a seizure at school. The nurse called and asked me to come to get him. I took him to Children’s and they referred us to a Neurologist. After an MRI the Neurologist explained that he has a neoplasm on his brain that we need to watch for cancer. They do not know if it is related to the cysts that were present at birth. But it truly made me realize that every baby is a miracle baby. Life is a miracle in itself. I cannot imagine life without either of my children. They have shape-shifted my life in the best possible way. Corwin is doing well today and we have determined the neoplasm is benign.
Our bodies and minds are capable of miracles. Each cell in our body is amazing and we should never take that for granted. We should never take our mother for granted for birthing us despite any differences we may have.
We should never take each other for granted despite our race, our ethnicity, our spirituality, our religion, our politics, or anything else because when we come into this world we are born of mother and father and the first thing we do is breathe and the last thing we do as we exit the world for heaven is stop breathing. So in between those two places we need to remember that we are all children in human form ultimately and at whatever age we may appear we need to treat each other with kindness and compassion. If we do so the world just might be a better place.
“If you want to see a miracle look into the eyes of a child.” ~Libby McAvoy
As parents, we all want is the very best for our children. Each child is a miracle in the eyes of the divine. We are all divine beings. Our children are our future. Let us wish them the best. Let us instill good values and ethics so that they may carry out good deeds.
I know now that my children teach me every bit as much as I teach them. I learn from their innocence and optimism. They keep me humble. I learn from their sense of hope and belief and wonder. The miracle of “Christmas” that has not died no matter how old they are is really a metaphor for the magic of belief. We are a family through and through.
Both of my children are uniquely different and each is so special to me. Life amazes me. There are many parenting books and yet so much that absolutely no one can prepare you for. This is another miracle of life. It amazes me that I can raise two children exactly the same way and they could be so completely different. For example, Morgan ate ketchup on everything growing up and Corwin abhorred ketchup. My point is they are inherently born with their own set of likes and dislikes and even though I raise them in a certain environment they still have their own beautiful personalities. I love that. Sometimes as we age those get covered up and hidden and we need to uncover them and remember who we really are. Because that child within is so innately special.
Yes, I divorced their dad. Yes, I have withstood and overcome domestic violence. Yes, I have made and confessed to making mistakes. Unfortunately, no matter how much you love your children and want your marriage to work out things do not always go as planned. Yet, as long as I live authentically and show my children the love they deserve all is well. I accept my children for who they are and I teach them to accept themselves as well as to accept others as they are. I teach them awareness. I teach them forgiveness and acceptance because those are important values in my personal life that have helped me to overcome major obstacles.
Yes, we are still a family with a hell of a lot of love and acceptance. We just define family a bit differently perhaps, but still a lot of love, even for my ex-husband.
WHY?
Because I believe in the power of miracles. I see it in the eyes of my children. I see it in the eyes of children everywhere.
Furthermore, I believe in awareness, acceptance, and forgiveness. The power of forgiveness goes further than most people can even imagine in the healing process.
I do not understand how people abuse or neglect innocent children. The smell of their heads, the sound of their laughter, even the mud they so innocently track into the house after a solid rain evokes so many memories and sparks my senses. I could never harm a child. I miss the years of my children being young, although each age is special in its own right.
Now, at their ages, I have instilled the lessons they need to become responsible young adults, so I get to enjoy them. My work has been done for the most part, other than making a few minor corrections and being there for them emotionally. I will always be their mom, but now I get to enjoy it a bit more. Sometimes they even cook and clean the house for me! I look forward to eventually being a grandma (Nona, as I am already to Morgan’s service dog, my canine grandson).
Sometimes we, as adults, take children for granted, but my hope is that this is a reminder of just how special each life really is. I know all of those who struggle to get pregnant or have children sure do. Yes, it is challenging at times and hard work to raise responsible children, but it is so worth it.
Each time I see a child running and trip and fall and cut their knee I feel their pain. Each child is very special in their very own right. Each child has a special gift to offer this world. Each adult is a child within. So please remember that when you speak. Speak kindly and intentionally and remember to honor the miracle child within each human.
“Seeing a miracle will inspire you, but knowing you are a miracle will change you.” ~ Deborah Brodie
You are a miracle. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you and what you contribute to this world.
