IT'S THE SAME SIZE AS MY OTHER CARDS
Why Everyone Needs the White Dick Black Card
Membership has its advantages
I’ve had many credit cards. Some cards I lost. A few I never used. Most went to collections.
After years of spending all my money on drugs and lottery scratchers my finances were in shambles. Credit cards, bank account, all gone. I applied for financing from Fingerhut for a SUPREME make-it-rain money gun and they turned me down.
I needed a way to pay for things online.
Then I found Cash App.
They would send me a debit card that seemed easy to reload without charging me 5 bucks every time I looked at it.
It only charges 4.95.
As I was going through the online sign-up, they asked for a signature to go on the card.
Being me, I drew a dick. I always draw dicks for my electronic signatures. Nobody ever looks. Yes, I have the sense of humor of a 10 year old, I know. So what? Big whoop. I figured my doodle dick would be on the back where the signature normally is.
But when my card arrived I was shocked. It was the best thing that’s come in the mail since the mailman accidentally misdelivered my neighbor’s Hustler magazine. My etching of a dong had been rendered and immortalized on the face of my plastic money services card.
I hesitated when I thought of doing a story about my black dick card. While the comic possibilities of a black dick card are infinite, it reminded me of the radio promotion that happened in my hometown that should have cost the number one morning show DJs their job.
Radio station KLOS in Los Angeles gave away black hoes as part of a promotion 20 years ago. Morning show duo Mark and Brian gave the hoes away for free to listeners calling in.
The black hoes being small plastic toys kids dig in the sand with. It was supposed to be a joke, but they kept saying that it was a black hoe.
The Disney owned radio station said it was a joke, but the ACLU didn’t find it funny. The ACLU demanded Disney fire Mark and Brian from KLOS.
Mark and Brian are no longer on the air today. Because they retired in 2012. Disney punished them by making them apologize.
I’d like to think what I’m doing is different. I also like to imagine the floor is lava and walk on couches and side tables.
I have a card with a black dick on it. A black card with a white outline of a dick. If I had the option to get a white card, it would still have a black dick on it thus it is the black dick card.
But why do I have to refer to it as black dick card? I could call it my white dick black card like did in the title, that’s more descriptive. How about just my dick card, keep pigment out of it? Or I could keep my dick in my pants and not talk about it at all.
There isn’t a 24 hour hotline where a black person, with the authority to speak for the entire race, is waiting for a white guy to call to ask if he can make jokes about his black dick card.
If you have to ask, the answer is no. But you can earn yourself a pass if you do it respectfully, without malice and most important, it better be funny.
The black dick card has given me unforgettable moments with people in my life I cross paths with daily. My goal is to create a pleasant memory for them with the aid of my black dick.
I’ll slide my card inside the card reader. My black dick card doesn’t go all the way in. It only fits halfway. The cashier looks down and sees my black dick sticking out.
“That’s an interesting card.” says the woman ringing me up.
“It’s my black dick card.” I say with confidence.
They look at me funny.
I start telling the story about my custom black dick card. Live set from Hogan Torah for one. I tell the story and they laugh. It’s a real conversation piece.
If I wasn’t a handsome white guy, there’s no way I’d get away with this. But I am, so I do.
I don’t have much money, so I don’t get to use my black dick card as much as I’d like. But I try to remember to whip it out as much as possible.
I didn’t abuse my black dick card. Its app helped me balance my check book.
My goal was to establish credit.
I rebuilt my credit by paying back the tens of thousands I owe. A year later I applied again for financing at Fingerhut and this time was approved.
I haven’t been able to use my SUPREME make-it-rain money gun much due all my money going to creditor repayments. But I bought it without needing my black dick card.
Maybe I don’t need my black dick card anymore. It’s time to get a real secured credit card that doesn’t operate out of the Cayman Islands.
I’ve explained how I got my black dick card through Cash App. I’ve been telling a story about how much fun it is walking around with a black dick in my pocket. I’m thinking, “This would be a great place to drop an affiliate link!”
Cash App has an affiliate link program. I’ve gone this far, might as well get that affiliate link money. I can tell you they’ve made a fortune off me the past few years.
I thought long and hard about black dick. Even in my deepest K-hole, making money off black dick is something I never dreamed of. Not once.
Everything about writing that last paragraph felt weird.
Profiting off of dicks of any color that isn’t the same color as your dick is wrong. The black dick industry should be owned and operated by the BBC Corporation and the people who have black dicks or came from one.
I refuse to make money off black dick. I have a black dick card, but I don’t have a black dick. One is a card, the other is your dick if you are a black man.
I’m not putting a link. Cash App is a predatory money service that will nickel and dime you into poverty if you weren’t already there.
Thanks for letting me draw a dick on your card in exchange for 10% of the total money that went through your Cash App. It’s not your fault, you’re just unchecked capitalism doing your thing.
Are you going to get a black dick card? Have you ever drawn something that ended up somewhere unintended? Or do I need to keep black dick out of my mouth forever?
Source: https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1999-oct-19-fi-23857-story.html
